Trump vs October

Scene:  Trump home,  90th floor of New Trump Tower

Donald Trump (DT): Melania, Where’s my Halloween costume?

Melania Trump (MT): I don’t know schmoopy, what does it look like?

DT: It’s a Dead Pool costume, schmoopy.

MT: I do not know the Ned Poole.

DT: Not Ned Poole, Dead Pool. He’s a super hero who kills bad guys and makes fun of them at the same time. He’s a lot like me only poorer and he kills bad guys. Also he’s very popular. If I dress up like him I’m sure to get the youth vote.

MT: Okay, what does it look like.

DT: Well it’s your typical lycra spandex super hero suit with a mask that completely covers the face.

MT: Schmoopy, I don’t think spandex is your look.

DT: Don’t worry there is molded body armor underneath to … ummm? … contour my physique.

MT: Will it compensate for “small hands?”

DT: I have no idea what you’re talking about… but yes it will.

MT: But doesn’t covering your face detract from your biggest advantage?

DT: My stunning good looks?

MT: Uh… yeah that too, but I was thinking about your famousness.

DT: Already have it covered. The costume will be customized to show my hair.

MT: Okay good choice but I haven’t seen this costume in the 90th floor bedroom. Maybe it’s in the 88th floor closet or maybe the 97th floor closet.

DT: What the hell is going on around here? The system is breaking down. I need that costume right away. It’s almost Halloween and I have to start practicing my walk for the Halloween Presidential Debate Red Carpet stroll.

MT: But schmoopy that’s two whole months from now.

DT: I know but there’s a lot of preparation. I have to identify the rest of my entourage. I’m going to need a side-kick. I guess that’ll be Pence (oh boy!) and a super villian, probably dress Chris Christie up as Hillary (he’ll need some extra padding now), and a super hot girlfriend in a see-through skin-tight, topless thong arrangement.

MT: Well at least you don’t have to look for her. I have just the outfit, it’s perfect.

DT: Uh schmoopy I don’t think that’s a good idea.

MT: Why? Just because I’m gonna be the First Lady I can’t show off the merchandise.

DT: Uh … yeah, that’s it. But also for this occasion I’ll need to maximize the effect. I’ll need someone between twenty two and twenty two and a third years old. It’s been researched. I’m depending on getting the young nerd vote and any one older will turn them off.

MT: Oh!!! This politics is ruining our lives. You told me I had at least three more years before I’m too old for you! This is most unfair.

DT: No, no schmoopy, it’s made things better. After I win the election you’ll have at least four years. I’ll need to sew up the second term and it wouldn’t be smart to dump you in the middle of the campaign. You see, it’s a win/win.

MT: Oh schmoopy, you’re so smart. So tell me more about this Dead Pool. Why does he wear a mask? To hide his secret identity?

DT: No, he’s horribly disfigured. Boy I’m glad I’m not really him. It would be a terrible loss to the culture to lose this beautiful face. I mean think of it. If I weren’t this handsome I would never have been able to capture you.

MT: Huh? Oh yes, yes. That’s right. A girl needs a handsome face. That’s all, that’s all. Sure, sure. Uh listen schmoopy, I’ve got to go out right now I’m trying on a few platinum and emerald ball gowns for the Inauguration and I can’t decide whether they are too traditional. I’ll see you tonight in Sydney for the Opera.

DT: No can do schmoopy. I’ve got to get this Dead Pool thing straightened out. The election and the country are depending on me to get this right. Otherwise, disaster.

MT: Suit yourself. (Heads out the door.)

DT: …Now where was I? Oh yeah, (selects a contact on his phone and it rings). Hello Christie, yeah go ahead with the Hillary costume. I don’t care if powder blue makes your ass look big. And also I’ll need you to close up traffic on the George Washington Bridge for a few hours. Oh stop complaining you’re not gonna get re-elected anyway. If it makes a difference we won’t do it during rush hour. I need to be able to jump off one of the cables and crash through the roof of a car while playing “Just Call Me Angel In the Morning.” Why? You’re asking why?  Don’t you know anything about becoming President?

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