President Trump (PT) – Hey Mike! Mike, where the hell are you now, I need something.
Mike Pence (MP) – Right here Mr. President. I just got off the phone with Rachel Maddow and she was very upset about the income tax prank.
PT – Yeah, well you know what she can go do.
MP – Precisely, sir.
PT – Yeah, well anyway, I want to start the swamp draining a little early. We can restructure the whole thing when we have the new set up sussed out but the first thing I want to do is shut down the NSF and the NEA.
MP – Well I can kind of understand the NEA. That is a highly leftist infiltrated organization. And I share your unhappiness with the whole climate change industry and see why we can cut funding altogether on that enterprise. But isn’t it highly short-sighted to cut off funds to science all together? I mean if for no other reason doesn’t the military depend on the technology that streams from basic scientific research?
PT – Mike, haven’t you ever heard of the Third Law of Funding for civil R&D?
MP – Actually I haven’t.
PT – In Dr. Terence Kealey’s 1996 landmark study, “The Economic Laws of Scientific Research,” he formulated the third law which states that public funding not only displaces private funding but it does it at a factor greater than one. In other words, for every dollar of government money that is investedin civilian R&D more than one dollar is lost of potential private R&D funding. You see what that means don’t you?
MP – Mr. President, no disrespect but are you trolling me?
PT – Not at all Mike. I’m just showing you that by eliminating government funding of civilian R&D we will actually improve science and technology progress.
MP – But how can private industry afford to immediately increase their spending to make up for this government expenditure?
PT – Easy, I cut their taxes by the amount that we currently charge them for the funding and the government overhead we currently spend to administer those programs.
MP – My God, that’s brilliant.
PT – Yeah, Kealey really is a genius.
MP – but Mr. President, you are forgetting one problem. How will you employ all those people currently in the NEA and NSF. They’re gonna be mad.
PT – I’ll send them a link to Monster.com.
MP – Cold.
PT – Equations are cold Mike.