If the deranged Never-Trumpers still deny that Trump has done what none of his competitors would have, then I abandon any hope for their redemption. Against the virtual firestorm of threats and innuendo from presidents, ministers, prime ministers, dictators, senators, congress critters, popes, pundits, millionaires, billionaires, actors, pop stars, the press and other assorted castrati, Donald Trump did the right thing and freed us from another Barack Obama executive order. Bravo. He’s the best president ever. And I even mean over Reagan. Now, I’m not claiming that Trump is more conservative or a better man. Far from it. But he is the perfect weapon for our time. He is a vindictive bastard and that’s exactly what we need. We have lost so much ground that if we don’t gain some ground right now we’ll end up backing right off the cliff. I supported him generously in the last election but my return on investment is incalculable. He has delivered over and over again. And I expect that he will continue to do just that.
I will now prove I’m not a deranged Trumpophile. Donald Trump is a very strange man. He is a spoiled rich kid who grew up to be a self-indulgent megalomaniacal philistine. He’s a serial philanderer who dumps wives like some men trade in cars. He’s got a comb-over that frightens small children and probably dogs. He claims to value money as a veritable end unto itself. And he treats people like garbage.
But through some amazing circumstance he is a bona fide genuine American. And he picked our side. So, the same people who hate me, hate him too. And that makes him my ally. Trump understands power and he knows how manipulators play the game. And when they attack him it triggers his super power. So now he is using that power for good instead of evil. To troll and torture these losers. And he provides incredible entertainment value and the prospect of even more winning.
Of course, I should say a few words about the Paris Accord. This is one of the worst parts of the Obama legacy. His intention was to bake it so deeply into the economy that energy would become the means of permanently breaking the American people. Once again, we’d be serfs for the lords of the manor with no hope of living like free men. We’d be Europeans. And so, Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos and all our prospective betters have been pushing Trump with every lever they could think of. And of course, a Jeb Bush or John Kasich or Marco Rubio (and I fear even Ted Cruz) would find some reason why it wasn’t “prudent” right at the moment to get out of the accord. And over time the president and the congress would each use the other to pass the buck as to why they never escaped this permanent tax on almost every facet of our lives. And we would be the worse for it.
So, here’s to Donald Trump, that no good deplorable troll who saved all our butts. I believe he is a case of divine intervention. God works in mysterious ways and far be it from me to second guess the divine will.