Scene 1: Outside Trump Tower, Corner of 57th and Madison, around sunset
Narrator – Picture if you can a man who has great wealth, a beautiful wife and family and the most powerful job in the world. You might think he hadn’t a care in the world. And you would be wrong. This is the story of a man who needs good advice and there isn’t a soul in the world he can talk to. But maybe there’s one in the Twilight Zone (fair parody usage, really!)
President Trump (PT) – Joe, what if I just take a stroll down to the corner and back? I haven’t been in Manhattan in months. What would be the harm?
Secret Service Agent (SSA) – I’m sorry Mr. President. That’s impossible. You shouldn’t even be standing this close to the street. The car is still half a block away. (touching his ear and talking to his lapel) Hey, Bravo 12 who let that old bus onto Madison. It’s pulling up to the curb.
PT – Joe, I’ll be right back. See ya later. (Runs into the open door of the old city bus).
SSA – All units, blockade bus heading north on Madison. POTUS has been abducted. (voice over radio in his ear, “Joe, what bus? There’s nothing there.)
Scene 2: Inside bus. PT standing next to the driver in the front of the bus.
Bus Driver (BD) – Okay pal, that’ll be fifteen cents fare.
PT – Do you have change for a hundred.
BD – What are you a weisenheimer?
PT – I wasn’t expecting to need change. How come the fare is so low?
BD – Oh, it’s too low. Listen to Rockefeller over here. Look buddy either pay up or get off.
PT – I got it, I got it. Calm down.
BD – Good. Now sit down you’re making me nervous.
PT – Is this bus going past St Patrick’s Cathedral?
BD – Boy you are turned around. We’re going north. If you stay on after the turn around at 96th you can get there in another 20 minutes.
PT – Okay, thanks.
BD – So why ya heading to church? It’s Thursday. Somebody sick.
PT – I need some guidance.
BD – Yeah, don’t we all. You look like an Episcopalian. Why St Patrick’s?
PT – I’m friends with the Cardinal.
BD – Who are you supposed to be? The Mayor?
PT – I’m the President of the United States.
BD – Hey pal. This bus is going down Madison. It won’t be passing Bellvue. You may be going bald but you’re certainly not Ike.
PT – Who says I’m going bald. This is my own hair. Ike?
BD – Sure, whatever, we get all kinds of nuts on this line.
PT – So what kind of nostalgia service uses these old buses? Is it a tourist company?
BD – Old? This is a brand-new model. It’s a 1956. General Motors latest.
PT – 1956? What have you been smoking?
BD – Camels filterless. Why, you want one?
PT – On a bus? Oh never mind, keep up the act. I guess it’s part of the tour.
BD – (under his breath) Some kind of nut.
PT – Street seems really quiet. No traffic.
BD – It’s after 6 pm. Rush-hour’s over. Town’s empty. Not much going on Thursday night.
PT – (under his breath) Some kind of nut.
BD – So, what’s this trouble you need help with, if you don’t mind me asking? Bus drivers are like priests and bartenders. Everyone tells them their troubles. Maybe I’ve heard it before.
PT – Well I have these big ideas but everyone is against me and even my friends and wife are always giving me grief.
BD – Tell me about it. Whenever I tell Alice about one of my great money making ideas she gives me that look and starts telling me why it’ll fail. And talking to Norton, that’s my friend upstairs, is like talking to a wall. He’s as thick as a brick.
PT – Yeah, it’s just like that. Melania is always telling me how great it was when we lived in Manhattan and how come we can’t go back. And Mike Pence is no help at all. All he ever says is “work with Ryan, work with Ryan.” Ha. Might as well be talking to a wall.
BD – Boy, don’t I know that feeling. It’s, “when are we getting out of Bensonhurst?” and “why can’t we buy a new refrigerator?” She thinks I’m made of money. Not that I don’t do okay but how much can you buy on $62 a week?
PT – Boy I really am gonna have to stimulate the economy. It really is a third world job market out there.
BD – Huh?
PT – You seem pretty sharp. What would you say is the biggest problem facing the world right now?
BD – The Commie newspaper guys at the Times.
PT – Yeah I agree. Them and CNN.
BD – C and N?
PT – Yeah, that Acosta guy is brutal. I’ve blocked him on Twitter.
BD – Huh?
PT – Let’s not go over it again. I’m tired of that guy all together. So, what’s the answer? What should I do?
BD – A very wise man once told me not to listen to the naysayers. Just don’t give up. Give it all you’ve got and reach for that high note.
PT – That’s pretty good advice. Never mind the church. Look we’re back at Trump Tower. Drop me off here.
BD – Okay here you go. Which Tower did you say?
PT – Trump. And thanks for the advice. You’re the smartest nut I’ve ever talked to.
BD – Likewise pal. And give my regards to Mamie. Har-har-hardy-har-har. (under his breath) What a nut! Wait’ll I tell Norton.
PT – Mamie? Gee what a nut. Wait’ll I tell Melania.
SSA – Mr. President, are you alright?
PT – Couldn’t be better Joe.
SSA – That old bus is gone again. Where did it go?
PT – To a different place. And I hope he gets there alright.
SSA – (under his breath) I’ve gotta get a new gig.
Narrator- An hallucination or a midtown apparition from a simpler time? Either way, life’s no Honeymoon here in the Twilight Zone.