New Year’s Resolutions 2018

 

We’ve done Christmas.  Enormous quantities of delicious, toxic foods have been ingested and now clog our arteries and brains.  Ancestors and descendants, siblings and their relations, friends and in-laws have been hosted, feted and dispatched.  Enormous sums have been expended for gifts that no one will care about or even remember six months from now.  With nothing to look forward to until Memorial Day the bleak winter climate of cold and perpetual twilight saps your very will to live.  What a perfect time to make life altering decisions about your future!

But let’s not waste the opportunity.  Tradition is a powerful force that binds us to the past and informs the future.  So, without further ado…

  • I resolve to send one thousand e-mails a day to each of the following groups for each of the following initiatives:
    1. to ABC advocating that Joy Behar be replaced on the View by a sexbot. But not an attractive, realistic looking one but a really poorly made one.  One that looks awful and has an extremely annoying voice.
    2. to the Democratic National Committee demanding that each male Democrat representative and senator, on account of being male, immediately, pre-emptively resign in favor of a woman. Or, if they really, really want to stay, then immediately begin transitioning to trans-woman status.
    3. to the NFL demanding that Joy Behar be installed as special advisor to the Commissioner on domestic abuse allegations, integrating female players into the League and other women’s issues.
    4. to the National Organization of Women (NOW) demanding O. J. Simpson be installed as special investigator into domestic abuse allegations.
    5. to the Disney Corporation demanding that the part of General Leia Organa be given to Hillary Clinton. I’m with her and so is the Force.
  • I resolve to begin each day visualizing an affirmation featuring the Clintons, Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi wearing those old timey striped prison uniforms and leg irons working on a chain gang like the one in Cool Hand Luke.
  • I resolve to always check all links on Drudge to make sure I’m not clicking on an article from The New York Times, Washington Post, Politico or any other purveyors of fake news.
  • I resolve to boycott the NFL in perpetuity unless they get Kaepernick to grovel and apologize to the police.
  • I resolve to boycott Hollywood in perpetuity unless they expel Woody Allen, Roman Polansky and the other pedophiles and force Meryl Streep force to grovel and apologize to President Trump.
  • I resolve to buy American made products whenever a choice exists.
  • And seriously, I resolve to preferentially support non-leftist alternatives in any and all categories in which I find them.

Happy New Year to all you folks out there.  I’ve been enjoying a holiday with friends and family.  I’ll be gathering my wits and starting to output new material for the site this week.  There are some interesting new things coming up soon including some updates to the site.  So, apologies for the sparse output the last few days but I am only slightly superhuman.

2 thoughts on “New Year’s Resolutions 2018

  • December 31, 2017 at 11:32 am
    Permalink

    I’ll definitely go $5 out of my way to keep even a penny out of the hands of the Post or Times.

    Reply
  • December 31, 2017 at 11:49 am
    Permalink

    Every once in a while a non-political story will lure me in and I’ll forget to check and then I’ll see the dreaded “NYT” logo and I’ll grit my teeth and redouble my efforts to “never again” be fooled. I’m getting much, much better at it.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *