Dramatis Personae – President Trump – (PT); Vice President Pence (VPP);
Scene 1 – Front Entrance to the Vice-Presidential Residence Monday, 3 am. Three figures standing in the shadows. The middle figure rings the door-bell.
VPP – (His loud, angry voice coming out of the front door intercom) – Who’s ringing this bell at this hour. I’ll have the Secret Service down there to arrest you, you crazy fool.
PT – (The middle figure now whispering into the intercom) – Shhhhh Mike! It’s me and I’m here with the Secret Service. Now let us in!
Scene 2 – Immediately afterward in the front foyer of the VP Residence. President Trump and Vice President Pence facing each other with four Secret Service Agent forming a perimeter around them. Both VPP and PT are in pajamas and robes.
VPP – Mr. President, has there been an attack or a disaster.
PT – Both. Mrs. Trump watched the Stormy Daniels show on tv and attacked me. It was a disaster.
VPP – But why are you here at this unnatural hour.
PT – Well I couldn’t stay there. She keeps taking shots at the family jewels. That body armor I’m wearing doesn’t do a damn thing for groin shots.
VPP – But what can I do about that?
PT – Mike I need to use your guest bedroom for a while. And I need you help. She’s really mad!
VPP – Mr President, it’s just that Mrs. Pence is not one of your bigger fans. She thinks you’re a bad influence.
PT – Boy, that seems judgmental. I mean, I never said anything bad about her. Well I can be the bigger man. But look Mike, you owe me this. If it wasn’t for me you wouldn’t be the second most powerful man in the world. You’d still be the governor of Oklahoma.
VPP – Indiana. For Pete’s sake I was the governor of Indiana.
PT – Indiana, right, right that’s right. Sorry, yes. But come on Mike, you gotta help me out. I need some time to figure out a plan. Maybe a present or a vacation. Something to give her a chance to cool down.
VPP – Alright Mr. President. Come on in. The Secret Service will set you up in the guest room. I’ll see you at breakfast. Good night.
PT – Thanks Mike. I’ll never forget you for this. Good night.
Scene 3 – Vice Presidential Residence Dining Room, 9 am, same personnel.
PT – Boy, Mike, the eggs are pretty crummy here.
VPP – I don’t know Mr. President, I’ve always thought MY WIFE makes a very nice breakfast! And by the way, my wife is still talking to me. If you get my meaning.
PT – That’s what I said. These eggs are really YUMMY! That’s right I said yummy.
VPP – That’s what I hoped you said.
PT – And what a lovely woman Mrs. Pence is. I’ve always thought she was the best. Yes sir, I did.
VPP – Thank you sir. Now what is your plan?
PT – Well, I tossed and turned all night and came up with three different plans. I’ll present them and you tell me which one sounds best.
VPP – Very good sir.
PT – Okay. So my first idea is amnesia.
VPP – Amnesia?
PT – Amnesia, yeah.
VPP – But how?
PT – Whaddya mean?
VPP – Well how did you get amnesia and how did it end up causing you to have sex with a porn actress?
PT – Well, it could have happened in any number of ways. Do I have to spell it out for you?
VPP – I don’t think it’s me you’re going to have to spell it out to. But if you really propose using an amnesia defense I think there better be more than just the word amnesia.
PT – Fine. Ahhhhhh, so something like this. I was walking down Park Avenue near Trump Tower when a small child came out of nowhere and ran into traffic. I hurtled over pedestrians and snatched up the infant out of the street just as a taxi was streaking by. I leaped back to curb and deposited the newborn in its mother’s arms. But by a horrible stroke of bad luck a brick broke loose from the building façade and struck me on the head. My thick vibrant head of hair blunted the death blow but I was rendered amnesiac. I forgot that I was currently married and just at that moment a passing bus with a Victoria’s Secret ad caught my eye. And the rest was fate.
VPP – Vibrant?
PT – Too much detail?
To Be Continued