Dramatis Personae – President Trump (PT); James “Mad Dog” Mattis (JM); Hannibal Lecter (HL); Melania Trump (MT);
Scene 1 – White House West Wing – First Family living quarters – Monday 8am
MT – Schmoopey, Schmoopey! Where are you my Schmoopey?
PT – I’m right here Schmoopey, what’s all the yelling?
MT – Oh Schmoopey, beware, beware! Do not let Mad Dog feed you to Hudič.
PT – To who?
MT – No, not who, Hudič. The Devil!
PT – Calm down Schmoopey, I know what I’m doing.
MT – But you don’t understand. This devil likes to eat the flesh and you have a lot of flesh Schmoopey.
PT – Whaddya mean. I’m in great shape.
MT – Uhhh … sure, sure. But let’s not tempt the devil. He might be extra hungry that day.
PT – Relax, Schmoopey, I’m completely in control of the situation. It’s not me who should be worried. It’s my enemies who should be staying away from the kitchen. I’ve got to go now. See you tonight.
MT – I will be praying to Saint Prebavne Motnje to intercede for you. He is the patron saint of indigestion.
PT -Oh brother.
Scene 2 – The Joe Biden Asylum for the Criminally Insane in Lovecraft, Maryland – 11 am the same day
James Mattis and President Trump on one side of a bullet proof glass wall and Hannibal Lecter on the other side.
JM – Dr. Lecter, do you know why we are here.
HL – Of course gentlemen. You want to contract my services for a clean-up operation.
JM – That’s correct. We need someone with exceptional intuitive skills to perform a triage on the Justice Department.
HL – Secretary Mattis, President Trump, I have made it my life’s work to be able to peel back the skin, metaphorically speaking of course, and see the soul of the man.
JM – Sure, metaphorically speaking.
PT – Dr. Lecter, I need someone who can find my enemies and eliminate them, metaphorically speaking. I need someone who can get the truth out of the FBI and get confessions from the conspirators.
HL – President Trump, there is nothing that would please me more than to get James Comey in my surgery, I mean office and help him to remember the details of his mistakes. He’s a very big man, there’s so much there to work with. So many options so many choices. White, red, maybe a chianti.
PT – Now stay focused. Everything needs to be legal and professional. Remember we’re the good guys.
HL – Yes, of course, of course. I was only speaking metaphorically.
JM – Of course. Before you can take the position, we’ll need to pardon you for the indiscretions you were incarcerated for and then approved by the Senate.
HL – Yes, of course. It’s awfully understanding of you to help me out with that. I’ve had the devil of a time trying to convince the FBI that they had me confused with someone else. As you know, they are very prone to error.
PT – I know exactly what you mean. They can be extremely unfair.
HL – Yes.
JM – Dr Lecter, I think we understand each other. Is there anything else we need to know going forward?
HL – Well, there is one more thing. Is there any way I could get a set of those Trump steak knives? I’ve heard good things.
PT – Uhhh ….. sure?