Trump vs the New Attorney General – Part 3

(If you want to start from the beginning of the story see link below)

Trump vs the New Attorney General – Part 1

 

Dramatis Personae – President Trump (PT); Senator Mitch McConnell (MM); Senator Chuck Schumer (CS); Hannibal Lecter (HL);

Scene 1 – White House, West Wing, Oval Office 8am Monday

President Trump seated behind his desk, Mitch McConnell standing nervously in front of him.

PT – Look Mitch, I don’t know what’s the big deal about this.  I need a new Attorney General and you have the votes.  Let’s get it over with.

MM – Mr. President, that’s absurd.  You’re nominating a psychopathic murderer who’s also a cannibal for Attorney General of the United States.  How do you call that no big deal?

PT – How does that differ from Janet Reno or Eric Holder?

MM – At the very least because they weren’t cannibals!

PT – That we know of you mean.  I mean it’s very hard to prove a negative you know.

MM – Mr. President, I’m not sure the American people will stand for this.

PT – I think this is exactly what the American people have been waiting for.  Jeff Sessions was weak and ineffective.  Hannibal will get results and hack away at the dead wood.  Now go out there and make us proud of you Mitch.  Good luck.

 

Scene 2 – US Capitol Building; Senate Floor – Monday 11am

MM – The chair recognizes the senior senator from the great state of New York, Charles Schumer.

CS – Mr. Chairman, fellow senators, what the hell!  Are we seriously going to debate consenting to the Department of Justice being run by a cannibal?  What’s next?  Will we have Health and Human Services run by a witch doctor?  I mean, come on!  I will not let these proceeding continue.  I’ll have the news networks crucify you all to kingdom come.

MM – Senator Schumer, will you take a question from the nominee?

CS – Sure I could use a laugh.  What would the cannibal like to know?

HL – Hello Chuck.  It’s good to see you in such robust good health.  But you seem to have put on a few pounds.  Careful, careful.  Marbling of the sirloin, uh, I mean hardening of the arteries can be tricky.  Anyway, I would like to know if you are aware that I have been given a full pardon? Now if I don’t get the Attorney General’s position I’ll be out of work.  In that case I’m considering restarting my private practice.  I was shown a nice office, loft, kitchen arrangement in Soho.  I hear you live there and I was wondering if you might have time to inspect it with me and give your opinion of the space.  You know since we’ll be neighbors and all.

CS – Mr. Chairman on reconsideration I don’t see why we can’t have this nomination voted on this morning.  Plus, I really have to be leaving.  I’ve suddenly realized that I need to move to another neighborhood right away.  Good bye. (flies down the chamber aisle at an impressive sprint).

MM – Well if there are no further questions I think I’ll let the nominee leave to allow us to vote.  Thank you Dr. Lecter.  And I’d just like to state for the record that I’ve lost seven pounds this month and have often been described as stringy and tough.

HL – Thank you Mr. Senator.  Duly noted.

 

Trump vs the New Attorney General – Part 4

 

 

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