Well here we are in December and Kamala Harris even ending her campaign is so boring I can barely bother to fake interest in watching her rip-cord speech. And I shouldn’t have bothered. She didn’t even cry or anything. Sure, her face looked kind of spastic at points but that’s just her face. Of course, she gave us the blather about fighting on and on for women and persons of color and colorful personal women but it looked like she was really connecting the dots hoping she can be Butt Pete’s running mate. There just wasn’t any fun in the whole thing.
So, the highlights of the race in the last few weeks were:
- Joe Biden and the details of the Corn Pop speech with his blond leg hair and kids playing with it in the pool.
- Joe Biden’s No Malarkey Barnstorming Iowa Magical Mystery Tour Bus
- Joe Biden tries to amputate his wife’s forefinger with his new shiny white dentures
- Eric Swalwell farts on the Chris Matthews Show.
Well all right, that last one doesn’t count because Swalwell resigned a while ago. But it actually was the funniest thing in the list. Honestly, it’s starting to seem like even the Democrats know that they will lose in 2020 but feel like they have to hang in there just in case famine or pestilence breaks out to save them. Unfortunately, they’re atheists and divine intervention wouldn’t take their side.
The other hope they hold is the Impeachment Show. But it seemed to run out of gas and viewers last week and turning it over to Nadler doesn’t promise to improve things. No, they’re going to have to try to hold the public’s interest on their own with debates and commercials and PBS and CBS specials. But it’s hopeless. The only non-boring actors, Biden and Sanders, are certifiable loons. Creepy Uncle Joe gets weirder every time he opens his mouth and it can’t be long before he starts undressing on stage and challenges the audience to a wrestling match. Bernie, on the other hand, will eventually slip up and reveal his deep longing for the return of Stalinist Russia and the good old days.
A month or two ago I threw in the towel on Joe being the candidate and assumed Liarwatha was the front runner. But supposedly she imploded when people figured out the Green New Deal and Medicaid for All would actually mean the new tax rate would be 150% of total salary. So now Butt Pete is “The Man,” sort of. But let’s face it, none of them can win or even look like a realistic candidate for President of the United States. And admittedly Donald Trump wouldn’t have seemed like a likely candidate for president a generation ago. But the gap between President Trump and this Field of Losers from the Island of Broken Toys is disturbing. I can only assume they’re saving the normal candidates for 2024.
All right, so that’s where we are. Bloomfield and Patrick have joined the circus but more clowns are not going to change the equation. I still hold out great hope that the Presidential Debates between the President and whichever midget is nominated will be a laugh riot. But until then I’ll have to subsist on Biden gaffes and Swalwell gas.