My Favorite Iowahawk Posts

Iowahawk is one of the funniest conservatives on the planet.  During the Iraq War his mockery of Al Qaeda psychopath Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi (or as featured in Iowahawk the Zarkman) provided a little bit of dark humor during some of the darkest days of that war.

http://iowahawk.typepad.com/iowahawk/2006/04/i_hate_email.html

When Zarqawi was finally dispatched with a 500 lb laser guided bomb Iowahawk provided this gem:

http://iowahawk.typepad.com/iowahawk/2006/06/paradise_blows.html

During the 2008 election William F Buckley’s son Christopher joined the other Rockefeller Republicans in signing up for the Obama Historic Disaster.  They couldn’t countenance Sarah Palin as part of the ticket.  Iowahawk brilliantly lampoons the Buckley upper-crust horror at Palin and the swooning descriptions of Obama.

http://iowahawk.typepad.com/iowahawk/2008/10/as-a-conservative-i-must-say-i-do-quite-like-the-cut-of-this-obama-fellows-jib.html

During the Obama campaign Iowahawk provides this epic tale of the great Obamacles.

http://iowahawk.typepad.com/iowahawk/2009/01/the-idiossey.html

And finally after the election Iowahawk parodied the countless descriptions of the amazing and historic victory of America’s first black president.

http://iowahawk.typepad.com/iowahawk/2008/11/election-analysis-america-can-take-pride-in-this-historic-inspirational-disaster.html

Unfortunately in 2014 Iowahawk ceased writing posts to his website and seemed to restrict himself to Twitter (which I’ve never followed).  So, I never had a chance to follow his thoughts during the Trumpocalypse.  Well, all good things must end sometime.  But I figured I’d share this bit of right-wing internet history for any who missed it or were too young.

A Short Review of Rod Dreher’s Book, “The Benedict Option” – Part 1

Two weeks ago I was watching Andrew Klavan’s podcast on the Daily Wire ( http://www.dailywire.com/podcasts/16856/ep-320-death-stupid-andrew-klavan ) and he had an interview with Rod Dreher who has a book called “The Benedict Option.”  I had heard the title before but thought it had something to do with Pope Benedict abdicating. But the Benedict of the title is Saint Benedict who founded the Benedictine Monastic Order.  The sub-title of the book is “A Strategy for Christians in a Post-Christian Nation.”  The thesis, as he explained it, is that America is no longer a Christian nation and in fact is now a place inimical to Christians trying to live their faith and raise their children in it.  He drew the analogy of Benedict coming from an Italian town to the city of Rome about twenty five years after the last emperor was deposed by a Germanic King.  Benedict found it a hollowed out and corrupt place.  He decided that the only way to live a Christian life was to separate from the dominant culture and set up a separate society.  According to Dreher this was the basis of the survival of Christianity and the remnants of roman culture in the Middle Ages.

Needless to say, I ordered the book.  I’ve only started it but the introduction basically states that the majority of Americans are not Christians and do not support the traditional concepts as illuminated in the Bible.  He believes that there is no chance that the culture will return to where it was even twenty five years ago but will instead continue down the progressive slope to Gomorrah.  And in fact traditionalist beliefs will be criminalized.

Sounds pretty depressing.  But instead, he says it’s an opportunity.  He thinks this will be the start of a revival.  And we should, like Benedict, gather the faithful and build a New Jerusalem.

When I finish the book, I’ll give you my opinion on his idea.  For now, let’s just say I’m intrigued and I think this idea has relevance for even those who are not Christians but feel that all traditional values are disappearing from the Western world.  After all it’s not that hard finding analogies between the present era and the Late Roman Empire.  Perhaps this time instead of Attila the Hun being the Scourge of God it will be Lady Gaga.

Why Do I Care About the Climate Con Job?

 

Well-meaning people fret about whether humans really are warming the planet and whether Trump is doing harm.  I recognize their rationalization.  What harm could it do to go along with the Paris Accord?  It’s like an insurance policy, right?  And if you’re a guy in your fifties or sixties and your money is already made and you’re getting ready to retire that’s probably an easy way to accept it.  But if you’re twenty or thirty or even forty years old you need steady work and steady growth to make your life work.  You’re starting a career or buying a house or trying to get kids through college.  And trying to do that in a low growth, energy poor economy is pretty ugly.  That’s the Jimmy Carter/Barack Obama model.  Small businesses disappearing, big businesses contracting and squeezing the workers for the privilege of keeping their jobs and government providing more bureaucrats and doling out the food stamps and misery to the serfs.

I saw this in the late seventies when I was coming of age.  Jimmy Carter had an economy so bad that one of the cheapest insurance companies in the world gave its employees a bonus just because inflation made their paychecks so pathetic that even they felt pity for the workers.  Now my kids and grandkids are growing up in this latest nightmare.  The Masters of the Universe have exported all their opportunities to Asia and the Trust Find Kids have outlawed combustion because the planet has a fever.  This was okay for George Bush and Barack Obama and the rest of the Washington gang because their kids all have jobs with the State Department or NBC.  But mine don’t.

Donald Trump’s kids have all the money they’ll ever need and so do his grandkids.  And maybe he really doesn’t care that our kids don’t.  But at the very least he heard the people who are hurting and figured out how to get their votes.  Let’s take this least flattering case.  He’s just taking advantage of the ideological situation of working class white people revolting against progressive policy neglect.  All just naked power politics no human feeling whatsoever.

I’ll still take it.  It’s the best deal we’ve been offered in a generation.  Ronald Reagan was a friendly face and a reassuring voice and a sensible speech.  Donald Trump is an angry face and a hectoring voice and he communicates in staccato sound bites and slogans.  But both of them are on my side.  Whether ideologically or pragmatically they are aligned with me.  And that’s good enough for me.

George Will was deploring the barbarians that have replaced his beloved conservative losers.  Those cheerful cultured republicans of yesteryear who happily went down to defeat but kept their dignity and trust funds intact while the rest of us were fed to the progressives.  Somehow, we need to be grateful for the manly effort they expended while adhering to the Marquess of Queensberry rules and gloriously not winning.

Well, sorry no.  I want the narrative where we don’t lose and my descendants aren’t serfs.  So no, no climate scam for me, thanks.  If the temperature does increase by ten degrees F, I’ll move to Canada or Alaska or Siberia.  In fact, that may be a better climate profile since Canada and Russia are the two largest countries on earth and both of them are too cold for much agriculture.  And the idea that New England might be able to support orange trees and bananas doesn’t disturb me overmuch.  Maybe I’ll become an orange rancher like my hero Harold Bisonette.

But anyway, that’s why I don’t have any sympathy for the environmentally sensitive.  If they really are that worried about carbon emissions then let them get Leonardo DeCaprio and Al Gore and Barack Obama and Prince Charles to start taking sail boats when they travel to the latest environmental summit.  Or better yet, let them skype instead.  But either way I’ll keep using gasoline and heating oil as long as they last.  After that I’m hoping hydrogen produced electrolytically from nuclear power plant generated electricity will be the fuel of the future.  But, however we do it I’m certainly not going to worry about global warming.  I’ll leave that to really smart people like Cher and Miley Cyrus.

Let the Joyous News Be Spread, The Imbecile Paris Accord is Dead

 

If the deranged Never-Trumpers still deny that Trump has done what none of his competitors would have, then I abandon any hope for their redemption.  Against the virtual firestorm of threats and innuendo from presidents, ministers, prime ministers, dictators, senators, congress critters, popes, pundits, millionaires, billionaires, actors, pop stars, the press and other assorted castrati, Donald Trump did the right thing and freed us from another Barack Obama executive order.  Bravo.  He’s the best president ever.  And I even mean over Reagan.  Now, I’m not claiming that Trump is more conservative or a better man.  Far from it.  But he is the perfect weapon for our time.  He is a vindictive bastard and that’s exactly what we need.  We have lost so much ground that if we don’t gain some ground right now we’ll end up backing right off the cliff.  I supported him generously in the last election but my return on investment is incalculable.  He has delivered over and over again.  And I expect that he will continue to do just that.

I will now prove I’m not a deranged Trumpophile.  Donald Trump is a very strange man.  He is a spoiled rich kid who grew up to be a self-indulgent megalomaniacal philistine.  He’s a serial philanderer who dumps wives like some men trade in cars.  He’s got a comb-over that frightens small children and probably dogs.  He claims to value money as a veritable end unto itself.  And he treats people like garbage.

But through some amazing circumstance he is a bona fide genuine American.  And he picked our side.  So, the same people who hate me, hate him too.  And that makes him my ally.  Trump understands power and he knows how manipulators play the game.  And when they attack him it triggers his super power.  So now he is using that power for good instead of evil.  To troll and torture these losers.  And he provides incredible entertainment value and the prospect of even more winning.

Of course, I should say a few words about the Paris Accord.  This is one of the worst parts of the Obama legacy.  His intention was to bake it so deeply into the economy that energy would become the means of permanently breaking the American people.  Once again, we’d be serfs for the lords of the manor with no hope of living like free men.  We’d be Europeans.  And so, Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos and all our prospective betters have been pushing Trump with every lever they could think of.  And of course, a Jeb Bush or John Kasich or Marco Rubio (and I fear even Ted Cruz) would find some reason why it wasn’t “prudent” right at the moment to get out of the accord.  And over time the president and the congress would each use the other to pass the buck as to why they never escaped this permanent tax on almost every facet of our lives.  And we would be the worse for it.

So, here’s to Donald Trump, that no good deplorable troll who saved all our butts.  I believe he is a case of divine intervention.  God works in mysterious ways and far be it from me to second guess the divine will.

Plug for An Article on the Z-Blog – On Atheism

The Z-Man has a very interesting article on faith, skepticism and atheism.

On Atheism

That he is a skeptic but sees the hollowness of the militant atheists is I think quite perceptive.   His final statement,  “I do know I’d never want to live in a world ruled by atheists“  resonates for me.  I imagine that almost all reflective religious people wrestle with questions about how to reconcile an omnipotent, benevolent God with the world such as it is.  But the world view of people who feel their highest calling is to mock Christians speaks of individuals nursing an enormous inferiority complex whose egos need to be constantly revalidated.

Trump vs Photog – Part 2 – OCF Goes to Washington

Trump vs Photog

Scene 1 (White House – Oval Office)

President Trump (PT) – Bannon, Bannon, where the hell are you Steve?

Steve Bannon (SB) – For pity’s sake Mr. President, I was in the bathroom.

PT – What’s the problem Steve?  Plumbing going bad?  You should be careful about that.  It could be contagious.  Don’t need that around here.

SB – No Mr. President, everything is fine.  How can I help you?

PT – That loser from the internet that was making fun of me with the schmoopy stuff.

SB – Oh, ahhhh, Photog from Orion’s Cold Fire?

PT – Yeah, that’s the loser.  Boy that’s a dumb name.  Anyway, I want him back here today.  I want to know what the internet weirdos think about me.

SB – Well sir, he is a private citizen, and you did tell him to get lost last time.

PT – Blah, blah.  He wants a story for his stupid blog.  Just send a Humvee to his house and tell him to get his butt downs here pronto.

SB – Yes Mr. President.  Can we at least send him first class?

PT – Hell no.  Put him in a fighter jet and get him here within the hour.  They have two seats right?

SB – I guess they do.  I’ll get right on it.

Scene 2 (White House West Wing, two hours later)

PT – Well Photog, what took you so long?

Photog (PH) – Good to see you too Mr. President!

PT – Yeah, yeah, I love you too.  Look I need information.  Around here everyone is either scared of me or hates my guts.  I need to know what the regular people are saying.

PH – Well the regular people think you’re the greatest troll who ever lived.  We get the biggest kick out of all the stuff you say to the press, NATO and Schumer and we loved what you did to Comey.

PT – Well what about the fact that we haven’t repealed Obamacare or built the wall or cut taxes.

PH – Well they are getting annoyed about the wall but we figured the Obamacare thing and the tax cuts would be stalled because of the losers in the House and Senate.

PT – Well the wall thing is turning out to be a bigger problem than I thought.  The Congress is full of spineless jellyfish.  But I’m glad to hear they aren’t blaming me yet for the other two things.

PH – Mr. President, jellyfish are invertebrates.  By definition they have no spine.

PT – Oh for pity’s sake.  Isn’t there anyway for you to avoid being thrown out of here?

PH – Sorry, sorry.  Anyway, if you want my advice, the thing for you to do is think of executive actions that help regular people and hurt the leftists.  Go after the sanctuary cities, Antifa and states giving benefits to illegal aliens.

PT – We are already doing that stuff but the courts have been interfering.

PH – Then bring it to the Supreme Court.

PT – That’s a tricky thing.  Kennedy is unreliable.  He may vote with the other side.  I have info that he will retire this summer so I’m holding off.

PH – Well don’t wait too long.  Americans want results.  Fire all those traitors in the FBI and NSA who keep leaking to the press.  Oh, and bail on the Paris Accord.  Climate Change is one of the biggest pain points you can hit your enemies with.  Cancelling those things takes money out of their pockets and puts it back in ours.

PT – Well I said I’d make a decision this week.

PH – Do yourself a favor make the right one.

PT – Maybe you’re right.

PH – I’m always right.  Never left.

PT – Alright, that’s enough.  Get the hell out and take Acela back home.  Riding on that piece of crap will teach you some humility.  And if you see that loser Biden there tell him I found his peep hole in the bathroom and had it spackled over, the perv.

A Panegyric to Donald Trump

As we wend our way along to the first half-year mark of the Trump administration I feel I must pay tribute to the man.  Over the course of these last few months I have come to know and admire our president for his ability to trigger rage and panic in his opponents.  He has shown the American people that the democrats and the main stream media are in bed together and as dishonest as can be.  His talent for applying intellectual jiu-jitsu to these weasels has been fascinating as well as hilarious.  In the days ahead I think I’ll assemble a greatest hits or top ten list of my favorite Trump Trolls.  Surely near the top of the list (at least up till now) has got to be him firing Comey while he was off-site at a meeting and letting Comey first hear about it on TV.  That was truly classic. Of course, the famous fake news interview is right up there too.  But regardless of whether any particular day includes a top ten item, Trump shows all of us how to negotiate with the leftists.  With a club.  As an example, last week I was on the morning coffee walk with the guys at work and we were discussing the Trump Road Show in the Old World and someone brought up the NATO speech and one of the guys had watched it and he said his favorite part was when Trump said, “I haven’t even mentioned your new headquarters building or how expensive it was.  But I will say it’s extremely nice!”  It sounded like a Chairman of the Board telling the executive committee of a company that he’d noticed them wasting company money.  And we all were nodding our heads in agreement with his comment.  And then I just said what everyone was thinking.  “He’s the best president ever.”  And he is.  Because he’s not a politician, he’s a businessman.  And he’s telling the Congress and the FBI and the NSA and even NATO that they work for us and it’s our money they’re wasting.  And he’s calling the media liars and calling Chuck Schumer a cry-baby and he’s telling the Saudis that Islam has a problem and he’s talking straight to the Israelis and the Palestinians and he even talked to the commie pope.  I’ll bet he told him to mind his own business.

So, this update is just to confirm that not only am I not tired of winning but I think it’s getting close to the point where we need to start talking about putting Donald on Mt. Rushmore.  If he can get the idiots in Congress to give us the tax cut and figure out how to make Obamacare less terminal we should get him his own weekly TV show.  It can replace the silly press conferences that the media losers rig against him every week.  It could be divided between a ten-minute update by Trump on the latest efforts to fix the government and a half hour variety show featuring bathing beauties and country music acts.  Maybe Melania can host some non-feminists discussing family issues that are interesting to women.  I see it as a sort of Hee-Haw State of the Union.  Who knows?  Maybe he can find some comedians to do some non-Trump based parodies.  God knows there’s enough unused material out there on Hillary, Bill and Carlos Danger.

OCF Classic Movie Reviews – The Sting

Can a movie made in 1973 be a classic?  Hell yeah!  The Sting, to my mind, is one of the last identifiable big studio system type movies.  Everything about it exudes quality.  The cinematography, music, actors, sets, sound and script show attention to detail and professionalism.  The only thing that sets it apart from earlier productions is a little profanity that wouldn’t have gotten past the Hayes Code censors of twenty years earlier.

The plot is grifters versus mobsters in 1930s Chicago.  Revenge for a murdered grifter has the two stars Paul Newman and Robert Redford partnering to orchestrate a “big con” against a vicious mobster played by Robert Shaw.  Supporting cast includes Charles Durning, Ray Walston, Eileen Brennan and a host of familiar faces.  George Roy Hill directed it and the ragtime music of Scott Joplin suffuses it from beginning to end and reinforces the feeling that you are immersed in an earlier era.  I cannot think of a false note in the whole movie.  Newman is at his best.  Redford is very good and Shaw chews up the scenery with his best Irish gangster characterization.  His mannerisms are fantastic.  One of his best bits has one of his henchmen asking if it’s worthwhile hunting down the grifters who stole such a small amount of his money.  Shaw’s on a golf course and he points to another golfer and says to the hitman, “Ya see that fella?  He and I went to fifth grade together.  If he finds out that a two-bit grifter got away with stealing from me I’m gonna have to have you kill him and every other small timer from here to Atlantic City.  Yafalla (which means do you follow)?

The plot is intricate involving Newman’s crew of con-men, Shaw’s gang, hired hitmen from out of town, local police and even FBI agents after Newman.  There are twists, turns and surprises.  The movie combines comedy, action and some drama in a fast-paced and highly entertaining way.  It’s an homage to the gangster movies of the 1930s that feels like it could have been written by O’Henry or Ring Lardner.  But there’s a modern feel to the pessimistic tone of the ending.  When Newman asks Redford what he’ll do with his cut, he says he doesn’t want it.  “I’d only lose it anyway.”

Give it a try if you’ve never seen it.  Highly recommended.

OCF Classic Movie Reviews – Capra Corn – The Films of Frank Capra – Part 1 – It Happened One Night

Anyone who has watched TV around Christmas has probably seen a Frank Capra movie because every year they play “It’s a Wonderful Life” non-stop for a week straight.  And that’s a really good Capra film.  But Capra made a bunch of good films in his day and some of them are among my favorites.  And my all-time favorite is “It Happened One Night.”  Filmed in 1934, it stars Clark Gable and Claudette Colbert in a screwball comedy that wants us to believe that an heiress on the run from her father would meet up accidentally on a bus with a reporter who needs her runaway story to salvage his newspaper career.  Their trek from Florida to New York begins with each despising the other and ends up, of course, with them falling in love.  But of course, the course of true love is never smooth and never was that truer than with this goofy tale.  The key to the success of this movie, for me, is the chemistry between Gable and Colbert.  He is the seemingly self-confident man of the world.  He knows it all and claims to be able to write a book about every skill from how to correctly dunk a doughnut, to how to thumb a ride on the highway.  She starts out as the arrogant little rich girl.  Pretending to need no one’s help and always in charge.  Once they broker a deal to travel together to their mutual interests, they proceed to heckle each other and bicker until they pretty convincingly fall in love.  My wife and I have always thought of this as a pretty much perfect date movie.  It has a little something for both sexes.  Gable gets to strut and brag in his king of the jungle act and Colbert is the sarcastic little woman.  In one of my favorite scenes Gable is demonstrating his various “foolproof” methods of thumbing a ride.  After a string of failures, he dejectedly admits maybe he shouldn’t write that book after all.  Colbert says she’ll get a ride and won’t even have to use her thumb at all.  Of course, she walks over to the rod, lifts her skirt above her knee and the first passing car slams on the brakes and the emergency brake too.  An amused Colbert says to the glum Gable that she had just answered an age-old riddle.  He asks what and she replies “that the limb is mightier than the thumb.”  And he viciously replies “well why didn’t you just take off all your clothes and you could have gotten a hundred rides?” to which she serenely replies “when we need a hundred rides I will.”

As I mentioned earlier, the couple don’t smoothly move from reluctant partners to sweethearts without obstacles and by the last reel misunderstanding and anger almost conspire to destroy this match made on a Greyhound Bus.  But of course, happily ever after is bound to be in a Capra film so the fear of tragedy is never serious.

The movie is full of little details of life in depression era America and the vignettes with the denizens of the bus and other locales add charm to the story.  Capra filled his depression era movies with scenes of the common people displaying compassion and camaraderie in the face of adversity.  The scene where the bus riders amuse themselves with a relatively untalented singing performance is amusing and appealing if a little contrived.

If you’ve never seen the movie, I unreservedly recommend it.  If you don’t like it then I recommend you do not read any more of my reviews.  Our points of view on film would be just too far out of synch to allow any value to you.  And may God have mercy on your poor shriveled soul.

OCF Classic Movie Reviews: W. C. Fields Double Feature

A long time ago I had a friend who was a prison guard at Riker’s Island and he was a movie buff.  And he introduced me to the films of W. C. Fields.  Most people my age recognize Fields’ trademark nasal tone, whiskey flask, bulbous nose and endless wisecracks.  But I guess not many have seen many of his films.  I never had before that time and I was immediately hooked on the absurdity of this comic everyman battling the endless affronts he suffers at the hands of wives, children, neighbors, bosses, policemen and any other authority figure who darkened his path.  Deep down he just wants to live life his own way.  And you can see that he still retains a child-like hope that he will somehow triumph.  By the final reel of these films, a catastrophe has engulfed him and he appears to hit rock bottom.  But then the magical reversal at the finale creates a deus ex machina that rights all wrongs and he lives happily ever afterward.

The two movies my friend introduced me to were early and both had Fields as a long suffering husband.  And in both movies his wife was played to perfection by an actress named Kathleen Howard who was a large overbearing woman with a shrewish temperament, an acid tongue and the lungs of a Wagnerian opera singer who continually browbeat him over every imaginable fault she could summon.  She is his perfect foil.

These early movies are a sort of halfway point between a string of vaudeville skits and an actual scripted movie.  Some of the routines involve sight gags that often are carried too far.  And the plot is usually ridiculously thin.  Some folks who enjoy Fields’ movies prefer the more polished movies like the “The Bank Dick” and “Never Give a Sucker an Even Break.”  But for me in these earlier movies the comic delivery is hilarious and the happily ever after endings absurdly wonderful.

So, the plot of “It’s a Gift” (1934) has Harold Bissonette as the owner of a grocery store in New Jersey who dreams of being an orange farmer in California.  Naturally he throws away his whole settled existence and drags his family across depression era America to follow his dream.  And naturally the result is disaster.

In “The Man on the Flying Trapeze,” (1935) Ambrose Woolfinger is a memory expert working for the Malloy Textile firm.  But what he’d like to be is a professional wrestler.  So, when he takes the afternoon off to go watch the wrestling match under the pretext of his mother-in-law’s funeral all hell breaks loose.

As I said the plots are ludicrously thin, the acting is pure ham and the sight gags painfully long.  My family runs for the exits whenever I pop one of these in the DVD player.  But I believe that any married man whose heart doesn’t sing with joy when Harold Bisonette or Ambrose Woolfinger finally gets the upper hand is a lost soul who cannot be redeemed and deserves to be fed feet first into the matriarchy.

As you can tell from my description, these movies are not for everyone.  If they sound intriguing maybe you’ll give them a try.