Trump vs Photog
Scene 1 (White House – Oval Office)
President Trump (PT) – Bannon, Bannon, where the hell are you Steve?
Steve Bannon (SB) – For pity’s sake Mr. President, I was in the bathroom.
PT – What’s the problem Steve? Plumbing going bad? You should be careful about that. It could be contagious. Don’t need that around here.
SB – No Mr. President, everything is fine. How can I help you?
PT – That loser from the internet that was making fun of me with the schmoopy stuff.
SB – Oh, ahhhh, Photog from Orion’s Cold Fire?
PT – Yeah, that’s the loser. Boy that’s a dumb name. Anyway, I want him back here today. I want to know what the internet weirdos think about me.
SB – Well sir, he is a private citizen, and you did tell him to get lost last time.
PT – Blah, blah. He wants a story for his stupid blog. Just send a Humvee to his house and tell him to get his butt downs here pronto.
SB – Yes Mr. President. Can we at least send him first class?
PT – Hell no. Put him in a fighter jet and get him here within the hour. They have two seats right?
SB – I guess they do. I’ll get right on it.
Scene 2 (White House West Wing, two hours later)
PT – Well Photog, what took you so long?
Photog (PH) – Good to see you too Mr. President!
PT – Yeah, yeah, I love you too. Look I need information. Around here everyone is either scared of me or hates my guts. I need to know what the regular people are saying.
PH – Well the regular people think you’re the greatest troll who ever lived. We get the biggest kick out of all the stuff you say to the press, NATO and Schumer and we loved what you did to Comey.
PT – Well what about the fact that we haven’t repealed Obamacare or built the wall or cut taxes.
PH – Well they are getting annoyed about the wall but we figured the Obamacare thing and the tax cuts would be stalled because of the losers in the House and Senate.
PT – Well the wall thing is turning out to be a bigger problem than I thought. The Congress is full of spineless jellyfish. But I’m glad to hear they aren’t blaming me yet for the other two things.
PH – Mr. President, jellyfish are invertebrates. By definition they have no spine.
PT – Oh for pity’s sake. Isn’t there anyway for you to avoid being thrown out of here?
PH – Sorry, sorry. Anyway, if you want my advice, the thing for you to do is think of executive actions that help regular people and hurt the leftists. Go after the sanctuary cities, Antifa and states giving benefits to illegal aliens.
PT – We are already doing that stuff but the courts have been interfering.
PH – Then bring it to the Supreme Court.
PT – That’s a tricky thing. Kennedy is unreliable. He may vote with the other side. I have info that he will retire this summer so I’m holding off.
PH – Well don’t wait too long. Americans want results. Fire all those traitors in the FBI and NSA who keep leaking to the press. Oh, and bail on the Paris Accord. Climate Change is one of the biggest pain points you can hit your enemies with. Cancelling those things takes money out of their pockets and puts it back in ours.
PT – Well I said I’d make a decision this week.
PH – Do yourself a favor make the right one.
PT – Maybe you’re right.
PH – I’m always right. Never left.
PT – Alright, that’s enough. Get the hell out and take Acela back home. Riding on that piece of crap will teach you some humility. And if you see that loser Biden there tell him I found his peep hole in the bathroom and had it spackled over, the perv.