My Labor Day Weekend Prognostications

Several months back President Trump stated that Mueller’s investigation must end before September in order to avoid interfering with the midterms.  Well, there has been a little bit of back and forth about September 7th versus September 1st, but for all intents and purposes here we are.  There are all kinds of rumbling in the media.  The most tempting headlines come from politico and the New York Times so I skipped looking at those.  Instead I’ll use my own marvelous logic to analyze the situation.

Tomorrow is September 1st and it’s a Saturday.  Saturday is typically the perfect day to do something that you don’t want maximally covered in the news.  What better day to fire Mueller!  Do I think this will happen?  I give it a 20% likelihood.

What I do hear, is that Giuliani is compiling a report on the deficiencies of the Mueller investigation.  He is going to highlight the partisan decisions in the choice of targets.  This will allow him to characterize the investigation as biased and therefore illegitimate.  And this I assume will be the basis for pulling the plug on Mueller.  I figure it’ll take at least a few weeks to unfold this little passion play.  But I don’t imagine once it gets started that it’ll have to be much beyond September 15th before some definitive action will occur.  My take on this is that it’s a 50%  likelihood.  It’s as likely as not to happen within the next two weeks.

And finally, what is the likelihood that nothing will happen until after the election.  Well, previously I would have said very likely.  But I think things seem to be shifting.  That is reflected in a 30% likelihood.  I think Mueller has done a lot of damage and seems to be intent on poisoning the mid-terms.  President Trump recently said that Jeff Sessions will remain until after the mid-terms.  I no longer think that’s true.  I think it’s as likely as not that he’ll fire Sessions and begin a counter-attack against Mueller and company before the mid-terms.

Now what would that look like?  I assume that firing Mueller, Sessions and Rosenstein will be just the tip of the iceberg.  He must appoint a prosecutor to start actions against all the co-conspirators.  He must begin proceedings to appoint replacements in the Justice Department and FBI.  He must provide public information to the US citizenship and he must do all this without panicking the cowardly sheep in the Congress.

So, all of that’s fine.  Good stuff.  But look at the risk associated.  The screeching from the media could be enough to throw the mid-terms to the Dems, even the Senate.  So this is an enormous risk.  Then why do I think it’s more likely than not that he will move before the midterms?  Because Mueller is going to come out with a late October, maybe even early November surprise to absolutely sway the election.  And I think Trump is a risk taker.  I think he will roll the dice to prevent Mueller from calling the shots.

We definitely live in interesting times.  If you have an opinion, leave it in the comments.

Trump vs the New Attorney General – Part 4

(If you want to start from the beginning of the story see link below)

Trump vs the New Attorney General – Part 1

 

Dramatis Personae – President Trump (PT);  Hannibal Lecter (HL);  Dental Assistant Susan Day (SD);  James Comey (JC);

Scene 1 – White House, West Wing, Oval Office 8am Monday

(President Trump sitting behind his desk and Attorney General Lecter standing in front of him)

PT – Well, uhh, Doctor Lecter, how do you want to proceed?

HL – I plan to “interview” former Director Comey first.

PT – Do you think you can get him to open up?

HL – A prescient choice of words.  Yes.

Scene 2 – Dr. Goodman’s Dental Office – Monday 2pm

(James Comey, reclining in the dental chair, while Dental Assistant, Susan Day prepares him for his dental examination)

JC – I’m surprised Dr. Goodman wasn’t available for my appointment.

SD – He was called away unexpectedly but he phoned to say Dr. Retcel would fill in today.  The Doctor just arrived and will be with you directly.  I’ve got to go now but you’re in good hands.  (leaves the office)

(Dr. Lecter enters in surgical mask and gown)

HL – Why hello Director Comey.  I hope you are comfortable.  I’m going to start the examination now but in accordance with my painless dentistry philosophy and just to make sure you don’t experience even the least discomfort I’ll be using a local anesthetic.

JC – Oh good, what anesthetic do you use?

HL – (as he injects Comey in the neck)  Sodium pentothal.

JC – Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!  (slumps into unconsciousness)

Scene 3 – Same location 3 hours later

(Comey slowly regaining consciousness, Lecter facing him with a big smile on his face)

HL – Director Comey, how good it is to see you awake.  For a little while there it didn’t look good.

JC – What is this?  What did you do to me?

JC – Funny story, after you confessed to the Russian collusion conspiracy and explained the roles of all your co-conspirators I was feeling mischievous.  I’m a big fan of the fictional character named after me.  There’s a scene in one of the films where my namesake sets up a formal dinner and as the piece de resistance pops the top off of the FBI agent’s head and while the agent is still conversing with the other diners the fictional Lecter proceeds to serve everyone a meal from the frontal lobes of the agent’s brain.  It’s a real hoot.

JC – You monster!  You’re going to eat my brain?  No, no, no, no, please, please, please, nooooo!

HL – Oh this embarrassing, how can I say this politely, I won’t be eating your brain.  It wasn’t quite right.

JC – What do you mean?  My brain is plenty good enough.  What are you a snob?  I graduated from the College of William and Mary majoring in chemistry and religion.  I’m plenty smart.

HL – No, sure, it’s not like that, it’s just that there really wasn’t enough there for a meal and the color and texture was just a little …… shall we say special.  So, I applied some crazy glue along the rim of the skull and plopped it back on.  You’re good as new, mostly.

JC – Mostly?  Whaddya mean mostly?

HL – Well, it’s the craziest thing.  You know that super glue stuff.  It sets so damn fast.  You’ve really got to be so careful lining things up ahead of time and getting it just right.  Well anyway, somehow, I had the top backwards and when I realized it, it was already set up and so, there we are.

JC – There we are?  Where the hell are we?

HL – (holding up a hand mirror to Comey) Well look.

JC – What the (bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep) My hairline starts at my eyebrows!

HL – And the fullest bushiest hairline I’ve ever seen.  And see, your sideburns still line up perfectly.  You should be very proud.

JC – Why you crazy (bleep)’in maniac.  How can I be seen in public like this?

HL – Relax, just shave your forehead every morning and no one will be any the wiser, mostly.

JC -I’ll get you, if it’s the last thing I do, you psychopathic maniac!

HL – Temper, temper.  Now remember a few things.  I’m the Attorney General of the United States.  I am in possession of a videotaped confession of all your crimes and misdemeanors.  In addition, although your brain is sub-par, as sirloin you seem to be exquisite stock.  So why don’t we just part company for now.  We’ll be calling for you to testify before the new special counsel and it would benefit you greatly to cut a reasonably moderate deal.  Let’s say you serve twenty years, maybe fifteen with good behavior.  I’ve got to catch a plane now.  I’ll let you see yourself out.

Scene 4 – White House, West Wing, Oval Office 2 month later

(President Trump sitting behind his desk and Attorney General Lecter standing in front of him)

PT – Well congratulations, Dr. Lecter you’ve come through 100%.  We’ve cleaned out the whole Justice Department and you didn’t have to eat a single civil servant.

HL – Thanks.  But honestly after seeing the quality of meat on display I’m afraid I’ll never be able to eat human flesh again.  It was just too much of a turn off.  In fact, working for the Federal Government has been so demoralizing that I am going to request to be returned permanently to the asylum.  Now that I’ve seen the true face of evil, the banality has scared me straight.

PT – Too bad.  We’ll miss your cheerful and humorous banter.  But there is one consolation, James Comey was just committed to your old alma mater so you two will be neighbors.

HL -There goes the neighborhood.

A Crack in the Facebook Wall

The New York Times published a story about a Facebook employee who started an employee group as a protest against the leftist mono-culture at the company.  If you read the article you’ll see that all the charges he makes are reflections of the obvious and pervasive anti-conservative nature of Facebook .  Since I try never to link to the Times I have a derivative article on zero-hedge.  The fact that the New York Times published this item leads me to believe that this group inside Facebook will be the controlled opposition used to allow Facebook to pretend to be tolerant of other points of view.

https://www.zerohedge.com/news/2018-08-29/facebook-engineers-stunning-admission-we-tear-down-posters-welcoming-trump

The only good thing about all this is that it indicates the President is putting at least some pressure on these Silicon Valley  types.  Other than that I’m sure it will be business as usual at FacebookGoogleTwitter.

Trump vs the New Attorney General – Part 3

(If you want to start from the beginning of the story see link below)

Trump vs the New Attorney General – Part 1

 

Dramatis Personae – President Trump (PT); Senator Mitch McConnell (MM); Senator Chuck Schumer (CS); Hannibal Lecter (HL);

Scene 1 – White House, West Wing, Oval Office 8am Monday

President Trump seated behind his desk, Mitch McConnell standing nervously in front of him.

PT – Look Mitch, I don’t know what’s the big deal about this.  I need a new Attorney General and you have the votes.  Let’s get it over with.

MM – Mr. President, that’s absurd.  You’re nominating a psychopathic murderer who’s also a cannibal for Attorney General of the United States.  How do you call that no big deal?

PT – How does that differ from Janet Reno or Eric Holder?

MM – At the very least because they weren’t cannibals!

PT – That we know of you mean.  I mean it’s very hard to prove a negative you know.

MM – Mr. President, I’m not sure the American people will stand for this.

PT – I think this is exactly what the American people have been waiting for.  Jeff Sessions was weak and ineffective.  Hannibal will get results and hack away at the dead wood.  Now go out there and make us proud of you Mitch.  Good luck.

 

Scene 2 – US Capitol Building; Senate Floor – Monday 11am

MM – The chair recognizes the senior senator from the great state of New York, Charles Schumer.

CS – Mr. Chairman, fellow senators, what the hell!  Are we seriously going to debate consenting to the Department of Justice being run by a cannibal?  What’s next?  Will we have Health and Human Services run by a witch doctor?  I mean, come on!  I will not let these proceeding continue.  I’ll have the news networks crucify you all to kingdom come.

MM – Senator Schumer, will you take a question from the nominee?

CS – Sure I could use a laugh.  What would the cannibal like to know?

HL – Hello Chuck.  It’s good to see you in such robust good health.  But you seem to have put on a few pounds.  Careful, careful.  Marbling of the sirloin, uh, I mean hardening of the arteries can be tricky.  Anyway, I would like to know if you are aware that I have been given a full pardon? Now if I don’t get the Attorney General’s position I’ll be out of work.  In that case I’m considering restarting my private practice.  I was shown a nice office, loft, kitchen arrangement in Soho.  I hear you live there and I was wondering if you might have time to inspect it with me and give your opinion of the space.  You know since we’ll be neighbors and all.

CS – Mr. Chairman on reconsideration I don’t see why we can’t have this nomination voted on this morning.  Plus, I really have to be leaving.  I’ve suddenly realized that I need to move to another neighborhood right away.  Good bye. (flies down the chamber aisle at an impressive sprint).

MM – Well if there are no further questions I think I’ll let the nominee leave to allow us to vote.  Thank you Dr. Lecter.  And I’d just like to state for the record that I’ve lost seven pounds this month and have often been described as stringy and tough.

HL – Thank you Mr. Senator.  Duly noted.

 

Trump vs the New Attorney General – Part 4

 

 

Trump vs the New Attorney General – Part 2

Trump vs the New Attorney General – Part 1

 

Dramatis Personae – President Trump (PT); James “Mad Dog” Mattis (JM); Hannibal Lecter (HL); Melania Trump (MT);

Scene 1 – White House West Wing – First Family living quarters – Monday 8am

MT – Schmoopey, Schmoopey!  Where are you my Schmoopey?

PT – I’m right here Schmoopey, what’s all the yelling?

MT – Oh Schmoopey, beware, beware!  Do not let Mad Dog feed you to Hudič.

PT – To who?

MT – No, not who, Hudič.  The Devil!

PT – Calm down Schmoopey, I know what I’m doing.

MT – But you don’t understand.  This devil likes to eat the flesh and you have a lot of flesh Schmoopey.

PT – Whaddya mean.  I’m in great shape.

MT – Uhhh … sure, sure.  But let’s not tempt the devil.  He might be extra hungry that day.

PT – Relax, Schmoopey, I’m completely in control of the situation.  It’s not me who should be worried.  It’s my enemies who should be staying away from the kitchen.  I’ve got to go now.  See you tonight.

MT – I will be praying to Saint Prebavne Motnje to intercede for you.  He is the patron saint of indigestion.

PT -Oh brother.

Scene 2 – The Joe Biden Asylum for the Criminally Insane in Lovecraft, Maryland – 11 am the same day

James Mattis and President Trump on one side of a bullet proof glass wall and Hannibal Lecter on the other side.

JM – Dr. Lecter, do you know why we are here.

HL – Of course gentlemen.  You want to contract my services for a clean-up operation.

JM – That’s correct.  We need someone with exceptional intuitive skills to perform a triage on the Justice Department.

HL – Secretary Mattis, President Trump, I have made it my life’s work to be able to peel back the skin, metaphorically speaking of course, and see the soul of the man.

JM – Sure, metaphorically speaking.

PT – Dr. Lecter, I need someone who can find my enemies and eliminate them, metaphorically speaking.  I need someone who can get the truth out of the FBI and get confessions from the conspirators.

HL – President Trump, there is nothing that would please me more than to get James Comey in my surgery, I mean office and help him to remember the details of his mistakes.  He’s a very big man, there’s so much there to work with.  So many options so many choices.  White, red, maybe a chianti.

PT – Now stay focused.  Everything needs to be legal and professional.  Remember we’re the good guys.

HL – Yes, of course, of course.  I was only speaking metaphorically.

JM – Of course.  Before you can take the position, we’ll need to pardon you for the indiscretions you were incarcerated for and then approved by the Senate.

HL – Yes, of course.  It’s awfully understanding of you to help me out with that.  I’ve had the devil of a time trying to convince the FBI that they had me confused with someone else.  As you know, they are very prone to error.

PT – I know exactly what you mean.  They can be extremely unfair.

HL – Yes.

JM – Dr Lecter, I think we understand each other.  Is there anything else we need to know going forward?

HL – Well, there is one more thing.  Is there any way I could get a set of those Trump steak knives?  I’ve heard good things.

PT – Uhhh ….. sure?

Trump vs the New Attorney General – Part 1

Dramatis Personae – President Trump (PT); Secretary of Defense James “Mad Dog” Mattis (JM)

Scene 1 – Monday 8am White House West Wing – Oval Office – President Trump behind his desk in a private meeting with James Mattis

PT – Mad Dog, I need your help with a personnel problem.  I have to find a replacement for Jeff Sessions.  He’s scared of what he has to do to clean out the Justice Department.

JM – Mr. President, do you think I’m the right man to help you fill that job?

PT – You’ll have to be.  The new AG can’t be another political hack.  The man I’m looking for has to be a cross between Machiavelli and Attila the Hun.  In fact I wish I had the time to do the job myself but I’ve got a bunch of golf scheduled for the fall and winter months so I’ve got to delegate.

JM – Machiavelli and Attila the Hun?  That’s a tough one.  I’ll have to do some digging.  When are you looking for an answer?

PT – No rush, how about 10 am?

JM – Ayyy…sure.  Let me get going and I’ll be back at ten.

Scene 2 – 10 am same day, same location, same people

PT – Alright Mad Dog, what have you got?

JM – It’s a short list but the candidates are all highly qualified.  First up we have Colonel Joshua Stebbins.  He was an FOB commander in Iraq.  He lead his men into battle and on patrol for three years.  He was wounded severely three times but always returned to action and never failed to inspire his men by taking the point on all hazardous assignments.  So much so that when he was injured his unit typically risked life and limb to rescue him and get him to medical attention.  He was awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor for single-handedly saving a school full of Iraqi children by knocking over a suicide bomber and holding him down until his vest went off.  Luckily most of the shrapnel was absorbed by bomber’s torso and the ground.

PT – Sounds kind of sentimental.  Not tough enough.  Pass.  Who’s next?

JM – Wow!  Okay, the next one is definitely tougher but less disciplined.  Sergeant Russell Burdens was a Special Forces operator in Afghanistan for five years.  He was finally discharged due to court martial conviction for excessive brutality while interrogating high level Taliban personnel during his operations behind enemy lines in Afghanistan and Pakistan.  He always achieved his mission objectives but the details of his reports horrified even the most callous Special Forces personnel that he worked with.  The final nail in the coffin was the discovery of his ear collection.

PT – Sounds like a pretty good fit but I’m not a big fan of ear collections.  Very unsanitary.  Put him in the maybe pile.  What else have you got?

JM – Maybe pile.  Okay, I’ve got one more candidate.  He’s a highly unsavory character and mentally unstable to say the least.  Hannibal Lector.

PT – You mean the Silence of the Lambs guy?  But he’s a fictional character.

JM – I thought so too.  But it turns out he’s real.  Apparently Harris based the book on the actual Lector and toned the events down in order to make it more believable.  The real Lector is much more dangerous than the fictional character.

PT – More dangerous than The Silence of the Lambs guy.  Sounds about right.  When can we get him in for an interview?

JM – He’s currently in a Maryland  insane asylum.  He’s  in a strait jacket, muzzle, leg shackles and  on a thorazine drip just to make him safe enough to work around.

PT – Well that’s not very convenient.  Can we arrange a Skype?

JM – I’ll get right on it.

PT – Yeah, see if we can make it happen for noon.  I have a half round scheduled this afternoon with the Prime Minister of Japan and I don’t want to keep him waiting.

JM – ……, Yes, Mr. President.

 

Trump vs the New Attorney General – Part 2

23AUG2018 – Ex Cathedra

Normally when I take metaphorical pen to paper I like to keep a slightly easy-going and breezy attitude.  Often, I use this attitude to allow me to riff on the latest outrages of the Left in one of my high-larious Trump vs XYZ parodies.  But today good humor has completely deserted me.  I am so thoroughly fed up with Mueller and Manaforte and Cohen and all of the other sleazy disgusting losers that I just want President Trump to lash out and pack them all up for Guantanamo Bay.  Seriously, is there no one who will rid me of these people?  Listening to the laundry list of offenses petty and felonious makes me want to trade in my human card for something better, like a subscription to the buzzard road kill of the month club.

Now, I understand that this is Mueller’s intention.  He wants to inflict the maximum damage to the Republican reputation and morale before the election.  And the smartest course is just let anything short of an indictment roll off of us like water off a duck’s back.  But what I really want is President Trump to fire Mueller and assign the job to someone who has the full dossier on what the Swamp was doing back in 2016.  I want a grand jury to indict Comey, Strzok, Page, Mueller and all the other rats for their part in this con job.  To be totally honest I’d prefer to see them tried for treason.  And I’d prefer they start the Grand Jury tomorrow.

Honestly, there are two months and more before the mid-terms and I’d rather go skinny-dipping in molten lead than listen to more of this for that length of time.  There’s just no reason why we have to be subjected to any more of this.  Just fire the low-life skunk and be done with it.  Nothing would delight me more than to hear the Dems and the Fake News Media screeching like a chorus of scorched cats.

So here is my official request to you, President Trump.  Speaking to you in my capacity as the world’s greatest living expert on everything.  Fire them all.  Fire Mueller and his pack of legal jackals.  Fire everyone at the FBI, CIA and the Justice Department who isn’t demonstrably helping your administration.  Fire every single political appointment by Obama and most of W’s.  Fire the whole damn State Department and replace them with military personnel.  Rehire all the military officers that were fired by Obama for not thinking soldiers should walk around in dresses and high heels.  Fire anyone who has the word diversity or affirmative in his job description.  Fire the whole damn Education Department and anyone in the NOAA who mentions the words climate and change in that order.  And while you’re at it move the damn UN to Detroit.  Detroit could use the business and the General Assembly needs to see what their policies look like up close and personal.

Mr. President, consider that this comes from the heart.  I’m one of your biggest fans and usually keep quiet on how you take care of business.  But I implore you, clean house.  I think you’ll gain votes from this and the economy will kick up to 6% growth just from relief.  Sermon over.

And CBS News Puts the Blue Wave Mercifully to Rest

First, full disclosure, this is a link to a NY Post article so I won’t be luring you into clicking on a left-wing site.  The Post is a clickbait nightmare but it’s decidedly right leaning.  https://nypost.com/2018/08/18/cbs-news-pollster-reveals-why-blue-wave-is-unlikely/

Hearing them admit that the numbers don’t look anything like a Democrat landslide is music to my ears.  I calculate that if CBS News, the home of 60 Minutes and the former home of Dan Rather, admits that the Blue Wave has been downgraded to a puddle that even a six-year-old wouldn’t bother jumping in then it’s time to start planning for what legislation President Trump will dictate to the spineless slugs that are the Republican Congressmen.  Maybe they can repeal the Patriot Act and shut off the funding for Google and Facebook.

Seriously though, if the mid-terms end up going in our favor and we keep the House and gain at least three or four seats in the Senate, then President Trump has the potential of moving forward on several fronts.  Most importantly he can get the funds for the wall.  Then he can end the Mueller farce and finally clean out the Justice Department.  After that I hope he continues with his plans to restore American business health by removing the incentives for companies to off-shore their factories to China.  And he should continue filling the federal courts with conservatives.  Imagine if he has the chance to flip the Ninth Circuit Court, that would be monumental.  And finally, he needs to attack the leftist monopolies in the social media and internet advertising world.  Maybe even bust them up.  But definitely sic the Justice Department on their discriminatory practices.  If he does those few things he’ll win the 2020 election by a landslide and he will make this not only a great country again but also a free country again.

Of course, here I am spinning everything in the rosiest light.  Reality very rarely goes that far but even just knowing that the House probably won’t return to Nancy Pelosi’s control is a great victory.  That will end the impeachment chanting and return the Dems to the pits of despair that they inhabited back in November 2016.

Think about that.  It makes me want to go back to YouTube and watch that blue-haired screeching harpy flipping out in some kind of rage spiral screaming for some all-powerful parental figure (God?) to fix this before she had a heart attack.  Or how about that great clip where the Young Turks start out at the beginning of election Day euphoric and smug and end up in despair with every third word bleeped out as the female component of the cast devolved into an expletive laced tirade against white women who voted for Trump.  And who can forget the cutaways to Clinton Campaign Headquarters gradually going from riotous party to funereal despair over the course of the evening with the finale witnessing women and even apparently men sobbing uncontrollably over the fate of Hillary.  And finally, we can’t pass up Rachel Maddow with her final statement that what the audience was watching wasn’t a nightmare but actual reality.  Good times, good times.

I could have included the spectacle of Miley Cyrus lying on her bed weeping and moaning about how unfair it was for Hillary to lose because Hillary had waited so long and deserved it so much.  But even my schadenfreude has limits.  That video represents a vision of infantilization that I find too disturbing to even witness.  After watching that spectacle, the competent authorities should have committed her to a lunatic asylum for ice water immersions and electro-shock therapy until they broke through her psychosis.  Billy Ray, you let the world down.

Well anyway, things are looking up.

Timing is Everything – Or So They Say

Previously I have alluded to the theory that President Trump was playing a very high stakes game of chicken with Robert Mueller.  Extending that theory to all the latest news on all the various swamp creatures being heard from in the last few days, I now think that the November Election is the crucial event around which all these machinations revolve.  And I think there are only a few scenarios that are likely.

 

  • President Trump and Robert Mueller reach the election day with nothing but more of the same type of low level revelations and rhetoric. Immediately following the election President Trump will terminate the Special Counsel mandate.  This will be followed by one of two actions:
    1. Mueller does nothing and slinks back into the shadows
    2. Mueller leaks some bombshell revelation and gives a press conference. A firestorm ensues.
  • President Trump doesn’t wait for the mid-terms but terminates Mueller and goes public with a series of allegations against the swamp and begins a series of indictments against them. This scenario would need to happen fairly soon to allow the public time to absorb the information he wants to get out before the November elections.
  • Mueller doesn’t wait but goes for an October surprise. He subpoenas President Trump in October and leaks damaging information to the press.  President Trump fires him and a fire storm ensues.
  • Mueller ends his investigation in early September as the President wants. No follow up action from either side.

These are my guesses as the most likely scenarios for where we are heading.  Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.