Buckaroo Biden and the White Supremacist Space Pirates – Chapter 3 – Biden Family Values

This week marked the resurfacing of Buckaroo’s sidekick, “The Parmesan Kid.”  Hunter has returned to the spotlight with new tales of his incomparable lust for life.  And it’s hard to imagine that anything he could say at this point could compare with his former exploits.  A man who captures video of himself having sex with underage girls surely has already hit bottom.  But for the sake of having something new with which to sell his new book, Hunter shares the trials and tribulations of his search for remnant crumbs of crack cocaine in his carpet.  Apparently, parmesan cheese and Cheetos dust resemble crack cocaine when you’re as strung out and stupid as the son of Dementia Joe.

Now we’ve had loser relatives of the president before.  Jimmy Carter had his brother “Billie Beer” Carter who would urinate on Air Force One’s tire on the tarmac when the urge hit him.  And Chelsea Clinton was guaranteed to embarrass the country if for no other reason than her parents are Bill and Hillary.  But Hunter is in a class of his own.  Here’s a guy who impregnates a stripper, refuses to pay child support but has to relent to avoid having his financial records inspected.  He’s kicked out of the Navy because he couldn’t pass a drug test.  He works one no-show job after another because of his father’s political clout and he launders all his father’s kickbacks.  But without a doubt the absolute bottom has to be bedding his dead brother’s widow.  You have to wonder whether he thinks he’s competing with Caligula or something.

But you have to know that Hunter is just the logical conclusion when someone like Joe Biden has a family.  How else can you end up when your crooked politician of a father makes you his bagman.  What could Joe possibly say to Hunter to dissuade him from doing any fool thing?  It’s wrong?  Please!  It’s dangerous?  How could anything be dangerous when the fixers in the FBI and the CIA have got your back?  It’ll look bad?  With the News agencies and Silicon Valley at your beck and call?  Why shouldn’t he become the Charlie Sheen of Washington?

No, no, no.  Hunter is not the villain, he’s the result of someone as corrupt as Joe Biden being elevated to the highest power in the land.  In a way Hunter almost seems moderate.  As far as I know he’s never been accused of cannibalism or necrophilia.  But we’re still pretty early in his career.  I have to assume that sometime after Kamala’s third term Michelle Obama is going to need a running mate and then who knows, when Hunter is close to eighty maybe it’ll be his turn in the White House.

Of course, by then it’s hard to imagine there’ll still be much of a country left for Hunter to pillage.  But that’s where his experience picking crumbs out the carpet will really come in handy.  There should be just enough left for him to keep the orgy going right to the end.  If not, he’ll have to get the stripper’s kid up to speed on shaking down foreigners.  Maybe he can impress the Zimbabweans.

Buckaroo Biden and the White Supremacist Space Pirates – Chapter 1 – The Haunted Staircase

Buckaroo Biden and the White Supremacist Space Pirates – Chapter 2 – Hidin’ Biden Jibber Jabber

He Can’t Even Pronounce the Word Death Anymore

As I went over yesterday Buckaroo Biden is rapidly heading for the last roundup.  In this clip Biden is attempting to frighten people in states that have relaxed the mask nonsense.  He wants them to believe that doing so risks planetary human extinction.  But he fumbles over half the words and sounds like he’s drunk or an imbecile.  At one point he tries reading off the teleprompter and ends up saying this, “The failure to take this virus seriously — precisely what got us in this mess in the first place — risks more cases and more desks.”  Well I agree, I don’t want to pay for more bookcases and desks.  I think the government has enough of both but even as a fake president I think he should limit his scope to national problems and leave questions of office furniture supply chain to the professionals in the deep state.

Forget about two years, will he make it to Memorial Day?

Buckaroo Biden and the White Supremacist Space Pirates – Chapter 2 – Hidin’ Biden Jibber Jabber

Two months into the Biden puppet show, it appears that giving pre-rehearsed answers to pre-screened questions is no longer a workable option.  His handlers must be starting to look for an exit strategy from this increasingly embarrassing charade.  Now he’s openly reading from prepared crib sheets to the softball questions that have been vetted and choreographed.  And he’s even failing at that!

I know they want to keep Biden up there for two more years but, come on!  In less than six months there won’t be anything left but his teeth.  The whole thing is going to descend into a monstrous parody of a living man.  Soon they’ll need a translator that will stand on the side of the stage and interpret the grunts and grimaces that the Biden husk emits.  I’m almost hoping they’ll use some kind of CGI effect that interacts with the press corps and mostly mimics human speech.  It doesn’t have to be perfect.  The GPS for my car sounds like a valley girl while she nags me to change lanes for my turn.  Maybe Joe Biden can sound like her.  Or maybe he can look and sound like the Wizard of Oz.  You know, the fake one with the flames shooting out.

But whatever they come up with I think it’s going to be impossible to maintain the illusion that Joe Biden is the mastermind of the Deep State.  He’s always been a small time grifter riding on the coattails of bigger crooks.  Now he’s just a former character actor descending into a vegetative state while the cabal of crooks and handlers decide what latest outrage they’ll unveil to insult the general population.

The only thing I’m uncertain about is at what point do they throw in the towel and cart Joe off to the skilled nursing facility to breath out his last few days on earth in silence.

I guess I shouldn’t be in too great a hurry to welcome “President Cackles” into the spotlight.  After catching her act at one of the Democrat debates, I have made a point of avoiding all of her public speaking spectacles.  I haven’t even been tempted to listen to one of her sound bites.  Her particular brand of mental illness repels me.  But I am interested to see if she manages to get into some tussles with reporters.  Someone as think skinned and emotionally unstable as she is will find it difficult to avoid what she perceives as insults to her dignity.  In other words, at some point someone will ask a question that isn’t just slobbering praise and it will totally unhinge her.  That I might want to see.  I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a serving President of the United States cry.  That would be a sort of milestone and well worth the faint nausea that will probably accompany the sight.

So best of luck Zombie Biden.  Here’s hoping you can keep up this comedy act of yours for a while still.  I have high hopes that sometime soon you’ll blurt out something really cool.  Maybe it’ll be some narrative about the really great dessert you had at lunch or an anecdote about the clean, articulate black fellow that you beat in your race for president.  I have faith.  The big guy still has something to contribute.

Buckaroo Biden and the White Supremacist Space Pirates – Chapter 1 – The Haunted Staircase

I guess the consolation prize I get for living in a banana republic is watching “El Presidente” swagger his way around in front of the peasants.  Well, apparently el jefe hasn’t had a lot of practice swaggering lately because of the COVID lockdown.  Swaggering has turned into staggering and Dopey Joe almost did himself in on the staircase for Air Force One.   Watch this.

He fell down three times.  Of course, he didn’t roll down the entire staircase like some Inspector Clouseau or Groucho Marx routine,  but hopefully that will come later.  I’m waiting for Jen Psaki to explain to us that the cause of the stairs mishap was white supremacists.  Hopefully the FBI is on the case and will soon round up the saboteurs and wreckers who were responsible for the assassination attempt.  Obviously, the steps were booby trapped.  I expect in the future President Biden will be loaded onto Air Force One in a cargo net.  Of course, he’ll need to be bubble wrapped and packed in foam peanuts but if they only pack him up to his armpits with his arms out, he can still salute the military guards and maintain his dignity.

So, at this point we have a commander in chief who cannot remember words like Department of Defense or the names of the major cabinet secretaries.  He can’t speak coherently and now he can’t walk up a flight of stairs.  It’s kind of exciting trying to guess what will be next.  Crude jokes about various bodily functions should be avoided but honestly, I know everyone is thinking exactly that.

I guess it’s possible if they want him to be able to keep this masquerade going for more than a few months that they will restrict all his appearances to scripted speeches using a teleprompter and avoiding any direct question and answer periods.  Or they could replace Meat Biden with an Animatronic Biden.  I’m sure if Google and Elon Musk worked together, they could have Biden 2.0 ready for use within a year or so.  It might look and sound a little different from Meat Biden, a little too coherent and gaffe free but it would serve its purpose.  After all nobody really believes Dementia Joe is either the legitimate president or even a minimally competent one.  They just need him to last for a little over two years so they can bring in Kamalarris the Blubbering Hysteric to rule us by conniption.

Well, let’s at least enjoy the show for however long Joe can keep this Curley Howard routine going.  Why not?  Hopefully no one is seriously thinking that Washington is a real government anymore, right?