Sara Carter Claims that Horowitz’s Report is Coming Out Before Thanksgiving

Not only that but it will recommend indictments including of James Comey.  And it includes exculpatory evidence that was withheld from Carter Page.

https://saraacarter.com/horowitz-report-will-be-damning-criminal-referrals-likely/

Well, if she’s right I only have to wait at most two weeks to drown in an ocean of schadenfreude.  She better be right or I’ll report her to the BBB (Better Blogging Bureau).

Read the article.  She has quotes of insiders who speculate how something like this will undercut Schiff and Pelosi in their use of Deep State informants as supposedly non-partisan witnesses.

 

 

All I Want for Christmas 2019

Four years ago, I had to listen to every poll, every pundit telling me that Trump wouldn’t really run.  Then he would be finished after the comments he made in the first debate.  Then he would be out by Super Tuesday.  Then he couldn’t win the Nomination.  And finally, Hillary was so far ahead that it would be a landslide.

Then I had to stay up all election night to laugh at the hilarious Hillary backers screaming and crying and threatening to kill themselves.  Good times, good times.

This year I’m going to cut to the chase.  Even the New York Times and the Cook Report are coming as close as they can to admitting that all the Midwest states that gave Donald Trump the presidency last time are already set up to repeat the experience again. https://cookpolitical.com/index.php/analysis/national/national-politics/its-2016-all-over-again

I’m not going to worry about the President winning re-election, that’s a given.  What I want to focus on is whether the 2020 compilation video of screaming crying Democrat voters will be as good as the 2016 one.  It won’t be easy.  Rachel Maddow, Miley Cyrus, that crazy blue haired girl who swears she’s going to die unless someone fixes this.  Such memories.

I remember after the 2016 election I was quite busy at work for several weeks so I didn’t have a chance to absorb all the Democrat reactions that were captured on the internet.  But after Christmas I had some time off and I went back and looked at these reactions.  I confess I laughed so hard I think I bruised some ribs.  But it was well worth it.  I was euphoric for a month.

So now I want that feeling back.  But how do I get through a whole year before it can happen?  Well, my only hope is a string of Durham indictments during the holiday season.  A couple around Thanksgiving and then a bunch more between Christmas and New Year would be about right.

I know, I know I sound pretty mean.  But think about all the Trump associates like General Flynn, Paul Manafort and Roger Stone who were railroaded and terrorized by a witch-hunting mob of prosecutors who knew it was all made up.  What do you suppose would be poetic justice for that kind of behavior?  How about being frog-marched out of their homes at 3 am in front of the rolling video cameras of a tipped off journalist?  How about being cross-examined under oath and being forced to choose between a plea bargain that puts them behind bars for several years and facing a jury trial where they might end up with a twenty-year sentence?

If the shoe were suddenly on the other foot do you suppose it might give them pause and possibly convince them to turn state’s evidence and rat on Loretta Lynch or John Brennan or James Clapper?  It would be fun to find out.

So that’s what I’m asking Santa Claus for this year.  James Comey, Andrew McCabe, Peter Strzok, Lisa Page and Bruce Ohr behind bars.  It doesn’t seem like too much.  After all I’ve been a good boy.

 

post script – Looks like my wish may e coming true and before Thanksgiving!

https://saraacarter.com/horowitz-report-will-be-damning-criminal-referrals-likely/

 

 

William Barr and the Deplorables

William Barr has lived his whole life as part of the elite.  From the day he was born his family has ensured that he went to the best schools and was considered for career opportunities in government and corporate circles that no one but the rich and highly connected are ever considered for.

Probably the only things I’ll say about William Barr that strike me as promising are that he worked in the Reagan White House and he considered Roe v Wade as an unconstitutional decision.  And if you happen to hate music you may be cheered by the fact that he is an avid bagpiper.

My only point to this description is that William Barr doesn’t scream deplorable to me.  In recent posts I’ve stated that only time will tell whether he is an honest public servant or a firewall meant to close out the Mueller investigation without any chance for payback.

His recent statements to Congress describing the Russia-gate strategy as the Obama administration “spying” on the Trump campaign have touched off a firestorm among Democrats.  But reviewing his statements they are actually pretty bland in their sizing up of the FBI’s behavior.  They in no way inspire me to think that Barr is out for blood from the conspirators.

So, when a friend of mine came up to me on Wednesday and started smiling and asking me whether I had seen Barr’s testimony I was truly surprised.  This friend of mine is, to say the least, a pessimist when it comes to the Trump Administration in general and who specifically is convinced that in the DOJ, the fix is always in.  But that day he was bubbling with enthusiasm and pretty convinced that Barr is getting ready to nail some FBI hides to the barn door.  Now, why would this be?  Does he know something I don’t?  It doesn’t seem so.

Thinking about this encounter afterwards, I couldn’t decide whether he was over enthusiastic or I was too cautious.  But even if all this means nothing in terms of the substance of what Barr will do, I think it says something important about the bigger picture among the Deplorables.  I think they are starting to believe they can win.  I think they are starting to realize that President Trump can win re-election and the Right may get another shot at cleaning up the mess we are in.  But mostly I think they are thinking that some of the Swamp Dwellers may be going to prison.  They really, really like the sound of that.  That was the single most important result that my friend took out of Barr’s statement.  He thought that Barr was telegraphing his intention to punish the Comeys and the Clappers of the world.  And he always returned at the end to his greatest hope that somehow it would go back all the way up the line to Obama.  It almost sounded like a prayer.

Well.

So now I’m the pessimist.  I don’t think for a minute that Obama will ever even have to talk to a prosecutor or even a Congressional Panel on this sort of thing.  If Barr ever demonstrates that he’s serious about punishing the Russia-gate crew I would hope that he’d go after the low hanging fruit first and scoop up McCabe, Comey and Clapper.  They’ve been so careless in their statements and actions that a blind man could follow that trail of bread crumbs back to their feet.  And squeezing them would be the surest way to go after the bigger fish like Mueller and Loretta Lynch.

And I have no proof that Barr will ever do anything.  I wouldn’t bet a dollar on anything ever coming out of the AG’s investigations.  I have a total wait and see attitude.

But I will say that the fact that the Deplorables are getting enthusiastic, in and of itself, is a positive development.  And that development leads me to predict that better days are definitely here and that as these things usually go, we can expect even more good news in the short to medium range.  Why, it wouldn’t surprise me to hear that some piece of bad news will be popping up about one or the other of the Left’s favorites.  Something like the Joe Biden comedy last week, only bigger and more hilarious.

So, there’s my reading of the entrails or the tea leaves or whatever your favorite fortune telling substrate happens to be.  Happy days are here again.  Go forth and rejoice.  I so decree.

Oh, on a side note I did read that Barr’s father did write a couple of science fiction books.  I’ll add a teaspoon of weight in his son’s favor just because that does indicate a tiny possibility of common humanity in there somewhere.  Maybe I’ll even read them to see if he’s any good.

CTH links to the IG’s Report on the Clinton Investigation

https://theconservativetreehouse.com/2018/06/14/here-it-is-inspector-general-report-on-fbi-and-doj-conduct-during-clinton-investigation-full-568-page-pdf/

Sundance ends the post with this Caution “Important note.  Read, but don’t focus on, the “executive summary” or “conclusions”; those two sections were written by political administrators in FBI and DOJ leadership.  Focus on the substance of the documented facts within the IG report.  You’ll note the specific facts don’t support the “summary/conclusion”.  Analysis will follow.”

I hope he’s right.  The conclusion is unbelievably weak.  The corrective actions sound like Fred counseling Genghis Khan after the Sack of Samarkand to wipe his boots before tracking blood and entrails into Mr. Rodgers Neighborhood.  If I were President Trump I’d demand that the DOJ prosecute Strzok, McCabe and Comey to start and fire any and all of these losers up to and including Sessions if they drag their feet getting this done.

Of course, I’m interested in Sundance’s analysis but I was hoping for something a lot more scathing than this.

Trump’s Version of the Drum Beat

If you think back to the days of the Iraq War you remember a daily media campaign of discouragement and delegitimization that was accurately described at the time as a drum beat.  Newscasters at CBS, CNN and other outlets kept up a daily count of casualties, atrocities and protests.  Any bad news, no matter how random was heaped on top of the war news and spun as further proof of the Bush incompetence.  When a hurricane hit New Orleans and flooding and loss of life occurred due to the incompetence of the Democrat mayor it was hammered at continuously as the racist agenda of George Bush.  Completely fabricated stories of bodies floating along main streets and violent acts of desperation were sprinkled in the daily news and pointed to as proof of the apocalypse engulfing America.

This drum beat was not the primary cause of the Democrat electoral success in 2006 and 2008 but it was the intensifier that made the victory so complete.  And it shows you that the media has a basic strategy for intensifying the effect of a news story.  And that it is effective.  At the time this was a source of great frustration for me.  The ploy was so obviously false and artificial that it offended my sense of logic.  After all, people weren’t that stupid and gullible.  They must have been able to see they were being manipulated.  Apparently, I was not the target for these messages and so I couldn’t understand their effect.  But grudgingly I learned their potency.

Donald Trump is a creature of the media.  He moves through it and thrives in it like a fish in water.  It’s his natural element.  And that is a good thing for our side.  He recognizes how media works.  He knows that the MSM will do the same thing to him that they did to Bush.  They will conflate the Mueller probe with school shootings with rises in gasoline prices with rain on the weekend.  They don’t care if there is any logic or connection.  They are looking to aggravate the population any way they can.

So, what will Donald trump do?  He’ll fight fire with fire.  He is doing a little bit of drum beating of his own.  Every day he has a tweet or two showing the dishonesty of the media and the effectiveness of his administration.  And every day there are several stories coming out of the Inspector General’s investigation of the Justice Department and the House investigation into the Russia probe.  And this goes on day after day after day.  And every few months an FBI bigwig is fired and then there is a flurry of news about the details of how that ties into the other investigations and how this will spawn other investigations, and on and on and on.  And for me this is annoying and boring and obviously, transparently contrived.  And it’s effective.

So that’s why I am both aggravated and satisfied with the current state of affairs.  The annoying nature of the Kabuki theater drives me insane.  But the knowledge that this is exactly what is needed to both stymie the MSM methodology and also build public opinion for the eventual killing stroke allows me to agree with the strategy.  But I wish I had a time machine.  I’d love to wake up tomorrow and see footage of Mueller getting the bum’s rush out the back door of the Justice Department and  James Comey giving testimony against Loretta Lynch to save his own hide.  But my flux capacitor is in the shop so I guess I’ll just enjoy the warm weather and read a few more tweets about Robert Mueller being very unfair.

Trump Takes the Next Step to Clean Out the Justice Department. More Chicken or the End Game?

The Conservative Treehouse has a pretty thorough treatment of what President Trump’s order to investigate political motivations in the DOJ’s Trump campaign spying effort means.  I have to say I thought Trump and Mueller were playing chicken with each other.  Maybe we’ve moved past that.  Maybe this now has to be resolved by someone going to prison.  Or several somebodies.  Unless Mueller has a smoking gun (which seems very unlikely) it looks like McCabe, Comey and company are about to be charged with criminal charges.  The thing that occurs to me is that at some point somebody is going to sing to save his own neck.  None of these guys wants to go to prison.  My guess is McCabe but I am only looking in from the dark outside.  Maybe it’ll be Comey or Bruce Ohr or Peter Strzok.  But whoever sings first will get the best deal.  We live in interesting times.  Let’s hope they don’t get much more interesting than they already are.

https://theconservativetreehouse.com/2018/05/20/former-cia-director-john-brennan-quotes-cicero-while-doj-expands-ig-fisa-abuse-investigation/

 

 

Trump vs The FBI

Dramatis Personae: President Trump (PT), Vice President Pence (VPP), First Lady Melania Trump (MT), Karen Pence (KP), TV Announcer who sounds like Don Pardo (TVAWSLDP)

 

Scene 1 – White House Oval Office; Tuesday, 4pm;

 

PT – Mike.  Mike!  PENCE!!!!  Where the hell are you Mike?

(Mike Pence rushes through door.)

VPP – Mr. President, for Pete’s sake!  I was just on the phone with Robert Mueller.  Alright, what can I do for you?

PT – Hey, take it down a notch Mike.  Remember you work for me.

VPP – Actually Mr. President, like you, I was elected by and work directly for the American people.  You can’t fire me.

PT – Hmmm, I’ll look into that.  Anyway, I was calling you to find out how that conversation with Mueller went.

VPP – Actually, it went very well.  He hasn’t got me on his list of interviewees.

PT – Well, aren’t you special Mike!  But don’t get any ideas about succession plans.  I’m going to be here and if you want to be part of the second term you’ll keep your nose clean and help me get some work done.

VPP – Naturally Mr. President.

PT – So what did he want?  I mean beside buttering you up.

VPP – He was cross-checking some statements that James Comey made against what was reported in the Congressional Committee report last week.

PT – Good.  I hope that dope Mueller finally gets off the dime and jails these criminals in the FBI and Justice Department that were spying on me.

VPP – Well, Mr. President, it’s not as easy as you make it sound.  Investigator Mueller will need to document criminal behavior and then obtain a Grand Jury indictment before a trial is possible.

PT – Oh wake up.  All he has to do is get these losers into that interrogation room.  You know the one.  The one with the old table and chairs.  The one where Sipowicz always roughed them up to get a confession back on NYPD Blue.  I always remember how he would close the blinds and take off his gun and badge and then beat them up for a while before they cracked.  Boy, that guy knew his stuff.

VPP – Oh, for the love of Mike!  Mr. President, that’s a TV cop show.  Investigator Mueller is not going to rough up James Comey to coerce a confession.  And even if he did, it’s illegal and the evidence would be thrown out of court and Mueller would be indicted for doing it.

PT – You know Mike, you’re making it very difficult for me to imagine you as President.  You don’t seem to want to win.

VPP – Mr. President, focus!  We are going to have to coordinate many facets of the Russian investigation and the FBI investigation in a measured way to avoid the type of media coverage that damages our ability to control the message.  You can’t expect us to indulge in banana-republic or fictional law enforcement tactics.  We must be sober and above reproach.

PT – Fine. Do it your way.  But I’m starting to think this whole thing is going nowhere.  I mean, why even bother to have a witch hunt if you don’t get to burn some witches?

VPP – But, oh never mind.  Mr. President, I’ve got to go.

PT – Whatever.

(Mike Pence leaves the scene.  President Trump sits down at the Oval Office desk and starts to type something on his computer.  Melania Trump enters the room.)

MT – Schmoopy, what did you say to Mike.  He is so sad.  I thought he would have cried!

PT – Me Schmoopy? Why I was just discussing the Justice Department business.  I thought he was very happy.  I didn’t say anything.  He must just be nervous or something.  You know how nervous people from the mid-west are. Very, very nervous.

MT – I think you yelled at him like you did to that poor Crying Chuck and made him cry.  That was very sad.  And he told that sad story about the crying statue and it was very sad.  You should not make ladies cry not even lady statues.  It is too sad.

PT – But wait, no, that wasn’t true.  Lyin’ Chuck was crying, I mean Cryin’ Chuck was lying.  Statues don’t cry.

MT – Yes, they do.  In my village there was a statue of the Virgin Mary that cried many times.

PT – Yes, but that was a miracle.  Cryin’ Chuck isn’t a saint.  He’s a Democrat which makes him an atheist.  You shouldn’t believe him.

MT – Well, okay Schmoopy, but I think you made Mike sad.  You must fix this right away.  Mike is a good friend and we need him to help you from not going the kooky.

PT – But I don’t go the kooky, I mean go kooky.  Schmoopy you have to leave these important government matters to me.  I am a very stable genius you know.

MT – Please Schmoopy, say you are sorry to Mike and bring him to Arby’s for some good roast beef.  Please, please!

PT – Maybe you’re right Schmoopy, I’ll talk to him.  He is a good friend.

 

Scene 2 The Vice-Presidential Residence.  Tuesday 8pm

(VP Pence sitting in his living room watching Wheel of Fortune while eating a tv dinner, his wife Karen is bringing in a can of beer.)

KP – Here’s your PBR dear.

VPP – Thanks hon.  You wouldn’t believe what that maniac said today.

KP – Oh Mike, let’s not talk about work tonight.  It’ll only upset you.

VPP – Alright, but I tell you, sometimes I feel like telling him what I really think.

(suddenly an announcer, who sounds a lot like the late Don Pardo, breaks into the broadcast)

TVAWSLDP – We interrupt this boring game show to bring you a message from the President of the United States.

PT – My fellow Americans I come to bring you important information.  Yes, I know you want continue drugging yourself into imbecility but drop the bong and try to concentrate.  Earlier today I was talking to Vice President Pence.

VPP – Oh great Scott.

PT – I told him I wanted to get Jim Comey in one of those interrogation rooms with the old table and chairs.  You know the ones I mean.  And I wanted to Sipowicz him.  That’s modern cop-talk for slappin’ him around.  But that was wrong.  Comey was a cop himself. He wouldn’t have been fooled into confessing.  Vice President Pence knew this and said so.  But it ticked me off.  And I said some not so nice things to him.  The First Lady let me know I was wrong and so I thought about what I should do.  What I did was go on Twitter and offer a fifty-million-dollar reward to anyone who could confirm that Jim Comey was lying about all the Russian stuff and blabbing to the newspapers about all that stuff.  Well, as luck would have it three different FBI agents provided video tape of Comey committing all kinds of offenses.  It was sort of an America’s Funniest Home Videos of Treason.  So now Investigator Mueller has agreed to prosecute Comey and then close his investigation before I find something on him.  Boy, it’s great to be rich.

But all that is beside the point.  The main thing is I was mean to a friend.  Mike Pence is a good guy.  He isn’t crooked like Hillary or a liar like Ted or a crybaby like Chuck.  He’s a good guy who comes to work on time with a clean shirt and combed hair. That hair may be a little short and white but it’s definitely neat.  He’s always polite to people and he doesn’t try to stab you in the back.  He’s a little too nice for the killer stuff but that’s why I have Mad Dog.  So Mike I’m sorry.  Now stop sulking like a little girl and come back to work.  We can even go to Arby’s tomorrow, my treat.  Trump out.

KP – Oh, wasn’t that nice.  He said he was sorry.  I’ll have to thank Melania for telling him to do that.

VPP – Karen, better put the beer back in the fridge.  I’m going to need the Jack Daniels instead, no water.

KP – Yes dear.

Trump vs. The State of the Union – Part 2

Trump vs. The State of the Union – Part 1  Note: this is a link to the first installment of this story.

 

Dramatis Personae:

President Trump (PT)

Sargeant at Arms (SAA)

Speaker of the House Paul Ryan (PR)

Toffee Bredwell – An upper class British journalist from the BBC (TB)

Newt Gingrich (NG)

Melania Trump (MT)

 

Scene 1: US Capitol Building, 8:45 pm, directly before the State of the Union Address

 

TB – Good evening everyone and welcome to the BBC coverage of the American Presidential State of the Union Address.  I’m your reporter Toffee Bredwell and with me here is former Speaker of the American House of Representatives, the Honorable Newton Gingrich.  Welcome Mr. Speaker or may I call you Newt?

NG – Certainly Toffee, all my friends call me Newt.

TB – Thanks.  Now as a former Speaker of the House you are intimately familiar with the protocol, let’s call it the nuts and bolts of this event.  Can you share a little insight with our listeners about how this evening will progress?

NG – Well, normally the members of the administration and the Supreme Court will be announced by the Deputy Sergeant at Arms and when The President arrives at the Chamber door the Sergeant at Arms announces him to the Speaker.  This is followed by a long walk filled with cheers and handshaking and embraces and when the President reaches the Rostrum the Speaker announces him to the Congress and after another lengthy round of applause the President begins his address.  And during the address depending on the particular subject and the party of each of the attendees there could be applause, stony silence or recently even some booing.  In fact, during one of then President Obama’s addresses, a Congressman shouted out “You lie!”

TB – Oh dear, how embarrassing.  Do you expect we’ll experience any such breaches of civility tonight?

NG – Well Toffee, unless I miss my guess, I think we might see something a little more exciting tonight.  Let’s just hope there won’t be any fisticuffs.

TB – Quite.  So, I can see that the Sergeant at Arms is positioning himself so let’s shift over to the floor microphone.

SAA – Mister Speaker, the President of the United States!

TB – Well Mr. Speaker, you weren’t exaggerating.  What a terrific up swelling of applause and ovation for this President.  These congresspersons certainly love this President.

NG – Oh, far from it, Toffee.  Most of these people despise Donald Trump but he’s just initiated a gigantic uptick in economic growth.  Something that hasn’t been seen since Ronald Reagan.  As long as he’s the stronger horse they’ll applaud.  If things turn sour the knives will quickly come out.

TB – Ah, it’s good to see politics are the same everywhere.  Well, it looks like Speaker Ryan is about to introduce the President to Congress.  Let’s go to the Rostrum microphone and we’ll return after the address to review the high points.

PR – Members of Congress, I have the high privilege and distinct honor of presenting to you the President of the United States.

(Long and loud applause.)

PT – Thank you Mr. Speaker.  Thank you, Paul.  It feels strange to be thanking you Paul.  Up until the tax overhaul bill I was ready to write you off as a total loss.  I was going to have you primaried by some kind of radical and who knows maybe you wouldn’t have made it.  But now I’m almost fond of you.  You’re still a spineless weasel but you’re my spineless weasel, so you’ve got that going for you which is nice.  And Mitch McConnell, what can I say?  You’re like some kind of petrified fossil that exists outside of the world we live in.  It doesn’t seem possible that anything as weird as you could still exist but you do.  If we could replace you with an animatronic character like a talking walrus or porcupine I believe it would increase our popularity with the voters but anyway I can’t be too mad at you either because of the tax bill.

Now, you Democrats are a different story.  You all are without a doubt the lowest form of pond scum to ever successfully masquerade as human beings.  Every time I think you’ve hit the ethical bottom you somehow dig a little deeper and go even lower.  Let’s take for instance Dick Durbin.  His lying double-crossing behavior at the DACA meeting has convinced me that if I saw Dick Durbin and a Great White Shark in the waters off of Mar a Lago I’d immediately warn … the shark!  And don’t get me started on Pelosi and Schumer.  The way people are leaving California and New York, pretty soon their own votes will be sufficient to guarantee their re-elections.  That’s right Cryin’ Chuck, the Statue of Liberty is crying over your lousy party’s inept governing of both the City and State of New York.

But it’s not all bad, I want to congratulate Al Franken for striking out for women’s rights.  He harassed enough women to ensure that a woman would replace him.  Quite a tribute.  And I’d also like to congratulate Maxine Waters for being so crazy that she now makes Rosie O’Donnell seem sane in comparison.  When Maxine said she wasn’t a Millennial but used to be I think she meant that she was born in 1000 AD.  That would explain her looks and the fact that she mostly speaks gibberish.  Back then English really hadn’t been invented yet so everyone sounded like she does.  And I know I shouldn’t make fun of a woman’s looks but honestly Maxine is so ugly she makes Pelosi and Hillary look decent by comparison.

And I’d like to thank the press for being so dishonest.  By lying at every turn you’ve made my job so much easier.  At this point I can almost guarantee that anything I say will be disputed by you folks in such ridiculous terms that even the least intelligent person will be able to tell you’re lying.  You’ve become an exaggerated parody of yourselves.  Well done and congratulations for ensuring the long tem demise of your own jobs.

And I’d like to thank all those federal judges both at the Circuit and Supreme Court level who keep usurping the constitutional power of elected officials.  You only make it easier for me to get the electorate to understand why I need to replace as many of you as I possibly can.

I’m going to take a short break while the Secret Service frog marches the Secret Society of Comey, McCabe, Strozk and Mueller down the center aisle on their way to the hoosegow but before I do I’d just like to give a shout out to one of our guests in the gallery.  I’d like to  welcome Miss Stormy Daniels coming and for confirming that I have not had sex with her.  But if I had she knows it would be the best sex she’s ever had and that my hands are ample and highly capable.

MT – Kurba!

PT – And Melania welcomes you too.  Trump out.

(Returning to the BBC broadcast location)

NG – Hello and welcome back BBC listeners.  This is former Speaker Newt Gingrich again.  Unfortunately, Toffie Bredwell has passed out.  Apparently kurba is Slovenian for whore and that was just too much for Toffie.  Stay tuned and I’m sure he’ll revive before the President continues on with the substantive portion of his speech.  But first a word from our sponsor.

 

Trump vs. The State of the Union – Part 3

 

 

Trump vs. The State of the Union – Part 1

Scene1: White House West Wing, 8am, President Trump (PT) calling for Vice President Pence (VPP)

PT – Mike.  Mike.  Mike!!!  Where the hell are you Pence.

VPP –  Right here Mr. President.  I was on the phone with Ryan and McConnell.  They wanted a copy of your speech to help coordinate the standing ovations.

PT – Tell’em to forget about that bull.  I don’t want them cheering.  Tell them to keep their seats and keep quiet.

VPP – Oh no.  What are you planning Mr. President?

PT – I plan on using the speech to wake some people up and put some rats on notice.

VPP – Sir, the State of the Union speech is intended to report to the people on where we are as a nation.

PT – Well Mike, despite the fact that the economy is starting to come to life do you really think there is any reason for standing ovations?  I’m going to tell them the truth.  I’m going to talk about the FBI and the Justice Department and how they’re being run like the KGB with crooked operations targeting Americans because of who they are and not what they’ve done.  I’m gonna talk about Lisa Page and Peter Strzok.  America will love what the FBI is up to on their dime.  I’m gonna talk about McCabe and Mueller and Comey and the “Secret Society” they cooked up against me.  I’m gonna make their hair curl.

VPP – Oh good grief.  Mr. President, I’m asking you to reconsider.  You’re going to scare the American people.  We have the midterms coming up and we can’t have the electorate thinking of us as the crazy party.

PT – Look Pence, you’re gonna have to man up or I’ll have to say you have the flu and couldn’t come.  Besides this is gonna be great.  The people are gonna get this 100%.  You’ve gotta remember they’re used to seeing bureaucrats shake down citizens.  They’ll rally to me when I give them the details of the plot.

VPP – Sorry Mr. President.  I’ll do my best to keep on my game face.

PT – That’s the stuff.  Besides once Cryin’ Chuck begins weeping you won’t be able to stop laughing.  It’s that funny.  Anyway, get Sessions down here.  I was thinking that it might be fun to have the Secret Society rounded up and perp walked right during the middle of the State of the Union address.  I want to see if he can arrange that on queue from me at the podium.  Do you think it would be undignified if I had the Marine Corp Band play “Nananana Hey Hey Hey Goodbye” by Steam during their exit?

VPP – No sir, not for you.  In fact, now that I’ve heard about it, I guess even I’d be disappointed if you didn’t play it.  But to tell you the truth, now that I think about it, what about that Linda Rondstadt song that goes “You’re no good, you’re no good, you’re no good, baby you’re no good, I’m gonna say it again!”

PT – No you’re not gonna say it again.  No I prefer Steam.  It’s a classic.

VPP – As you wish sir.

PT – Exactly.

Trump vs. The State of the Union – Part 2

The Streets of the District (of Columbia)

(With apologies to Frank Maynard)

 

As I walked out on the streets of the District

As I walked out on the District one night,

I spied a poor halfwit, whose name was James Comey

His name was James Comey and he was a sight

 

“I see by your outfit, that you are a pundit.”

These words he did say as I slowly passed by.

“Come sit down beside me and hear my sad story,

For I’m reamed in the butt, and I feel I must cry.”

 

“‘Twas once in the Bureau I used to go dashing,

‘Twas once in the Bureau I used to go gay.

First under Dubya, and then under ‘bama,

But I messed with the Donald and now I must pay.”

 

“Oh, beat the drum slowly and play the fife lowly,

And play the dead march as you hear my sad song;

Take me to MSNBC, serve me some chai tea,

I squealed to the Senate but it all turned out wrong.”

 

“Get six special agents to pack up my office,

Six young attorneys to tap all my calls.

Put bugs in my auto and bugs in my condo.

Cause I squealed to the Senate and he’ll caught off my balls.”

 

“Then write down this story and make it real gory,

Laugh up your sleeve as you hear my sad song;

My bridges I’m burnin’ and I ain’t returnin’.

Cause if he ever finds me, he’ll cut off my balls.”