Trump vs the Acostafication of Press Corps Nation

Dramatis Personae: President Trump – (PT);  Jim Acosta, CNN – (JA);   Major Garrett, CBS News – (MG);  Hallie Jackson, NBC News – (HJ);  Cecilia Vega, ABC News – (CV);  Al Drago, New York Times – (AD)

 

White House Press Corps Briefing Room; Wednesday 3pm

(President Trump is at the podium and is flanked by Secret Service Agents holding cardboard boxes.)

 

PT – Good afternoon Fake News Corps and welcome to the first White House news briefing since I’ve instituted the new rules.  I will now walk you through them.

First, each of you will be issued your own personalized microphone.  This microphone is only active when you hold it and the President or the Press Secretary has authorized your turn to question.  Your biometric information has been programmed into the unit.  It will only act as a microphone if you yourself are holding it.  Utilizing sound isolation software it will only broadcast your voice.  Also, if anyone else attempts to use your microphone within this room or if you attempt to use it out of turn, it will administer a significant electric shock to the holder.  Each subsequent attempt at unauthorized use will increase the voltage significantly until it reaches the legal limit.  After that point you probably will drop into a fetal position and call for your mommy.

Bob and Mitch will hand out the microphones and we’ll get started.

(Secret Service hands out the microphones and return to the dais)

PT – Okay let’s see who’s first.  How about you Major?

MG – Sir, Major Garrett, CBS News.

PT – Yeah, I know Major, I said your name.  What’s your question?

MG – Mr. President, don’t you think this demeans the dignity of the White House Press Corps?

PT – You can’t demean that which does not exist.  You next Hallie.

MG – As a foll… (suddenly screeching and swearing) YEEEAAAHHHH, son of a bitch!

PT – Major you weren’t next.  Bet that stings though.  Hallie, you’re next.

HJ – Uhhh, no questions at this time Mr. President.

PT – Oh, okay, how about you Cecilia?

CV – Mr. President, aren’t you afraid that this will send the wrong message to the American people?

PT – No Cecilia, I’m generally not afraid.  Al Drago, any question?

AD – Mr. President, why are you resorting to these draconian measures?  Don’t you trust the fourth estate to maintain decorum?

PT – Those are two questions but just this once I will answer them both but in reverse order.  First, hah!  Second, I have resorted to the use of dog training equipment because Jim Acosta has shown that he has the manners and the intellect of a fairly dull-witted chihuahua.  You have a question Jim?

JA – I protest such a vile characterization of myself.

PT – That’s not a question.  Major you’re next.

JA – How dare youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!

PT – That was a question Jim, but it wasn’t your turn.

MG – Can I give my question to Jim.

PT – No, but that was a question so Hallie we’re back to you.

HJ – Still no question sir.

PT – Cecilia?

CV – Uhhh, how are you enjoying the fall?

PT – Excellent, I’ve taken a couple of strokes off my golf game.  And that brings us back to you Jim.  Care to take another crack at it?  But please try to follow the protocol, we just got the rug steam cleaned.

(Acosta looking nervously around and holding the microphone in his left hand)

JA – Which reporter do you consider the enemy of the American people?

PT – Certainly not you anymore Jim.  You’re such a good boy!  Catch the treat!

Jim Acosta – Symptom of the Times

Watching Jim Acosta at a White House Press Briefing is akin to watching a determined three-year-old asking his mother why.  Initially it’s amusing but eventually it’s unbearable.  The mindlessness of it renders it a form of exquisite torture.  In the three-year-old it’s tolerated because you know it’s a stage in the development of language and social skills.  In an allegedly mature man with a White House Press Pass it’s a symptom of the terminal illness that has infected the American body politic, bloodless civil war.  Acosta is a proxy for the desire of millions of progressives to harass the President of the United States for winning the 2016 presidential election.  He gets to mouth ridiculous complaints about the supposedly unfair statements President Trump makes about the press.  And in his yammering repetition of what he thinks are damning indictments of the current administration we hear an echo of the half-witted chants of Antifa, BLM, Occupy Wall Street and every other neo-marxist street circus going all the way back to the drug addled imbecilic protesters of the 1960s.  Hey hey, ho ho, blah blah blah has got to go.   Hey hey, ho ho, blah blah blah has got to go.  Hey hey, ho ho, blah blah blah has got to go.   Hey hey, ho ho, blah blah blah has got to go…………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Full of sound and fury signifying nothing.

As ZMan is fond of saying “we live in unserious times.”  But in all actuality the stakes are very serious.  A federal judge (and one appointed by President Trump no less) has granted a temporary injunction pending a decision on whether Jim Acosta’s lunacy at White House press conferences is protected by the First Amendment of the United States Constitution.  The duly elected leader of the most powerful state to ever exist is thwarted in his important work of transmitting the proceedings of his administration to the Press by a bleating half-wit with an expensive hair-cut and a power tie.  I’m starting to think that the real victory of the Trump presidency will be when he begins reining in the madness that the Left inflicts on us daily.

There is a school of thought that President Trump supports the daily barrage of leftist insanity as a way to garner sympathy from the American public, that the presence of Acosta actually stokes the anger that guarantees his constituency’s ardor in supporting his causes.  If that is true then I must be outside of his target audience.  I would pay a month’s gross salary to be rid of the likes of Jim Acosta from the daily news feed.  If he were permanently banned from the White House and had to merely comment from the sidelines, I would be supremely pleased.  It would be a solid win.  It wouldn’t change the world but it would be a sign that these lunatics sometimes have to retreat.  So, President Trump, hear my plea.  Don’t just let Jim Acosta win.  Push this all the way to the Supreme Court if need be and strike a blow for baseline sanity.  Prove that this is still in some small way the same place that engendered Washington and Jefferson or for pity’s sake at least Teddy Roosevelt.