14MAY2020 – Boosting My Morale

I remember how much fun it was to watch the compilation videos of the 2016 election and the reactions of the Left.  To hear them go from arrogant assurance to nervous uncertainty to shocked disbelief and finally crash land into wallowing misery was a comedic masterpiece on par with the best of Seinfeld or Monty Python.  The loopiness of the lefties both famous and unknown was marvelous.  Their gob-smacked stuttering shock was music to my ears.  In every way it was poetic justice.

And I’ve missed that experience.  It’s a great tonic to see your enemies driven before you in panic and derision.  At the very least, it’ll be six months until the election and even the debates, if they happen, are months away.  So, what’s a deplorable to do?

YouTube may be the Great Satan but it is the lazy man’s answer to any audio-visual search that could exist.  So, I searched under President Trump and Acosta and I found all kinds of comic gold.  It really is remarkable just how much abuse Jim Acosta has absorbed in the last three years.  President Trump has called him a hack, a liar, a purveyor of fake news, an employee for a fake news network.  The only thing he hasn’t done is make fun of his mother.  And then I saw some videos purporting to show the President attacking female reporters unfairly.  More gold.  For them his favorite line is calling their questions nasty.  One compilation claimed that the President especially attacked women of color.  And of course, that was the focus of that video.  But it’s great to see the President doling out equal derision and scorn to all fake news purveyors regardless of race, color or sex.  In fact, I like to think that the President would be proud to give the same messages of scorn to a tall muscular man in a sun dress as he does to a petite Chinese woman or a plain old doofus like Jim Acosta.  His message is one of egalitarianism.  No matter who you are and what you look like all it takes to qualify as a purveyor of fake news is a bedrock lack of honesty and an IQ of about 85.  In a way the White House Press Corps has become a sort of Ellis Island or mixing pot of dishonest talking heads.  Probably the biggest distinguishing characteristic is just how rude any particular reporter is willing to be to the President of the United States.  In this competition women have without a doubt taken the lead.  And this is another area where women’s rights could advance.  I have always harbored the hope that one day in the middle of one of Acosta’s rude outbursts against the President that he would instruct the Secret Service to drag Acosta out by the arms and legs and hurl him out the door.  If they tossed him just right, I always thought that he might bounce a couple of times like when you skip a flat stone over the surface of a lake.  The move could be nick-named the “Acosta.”  What would be great is if someday a woman could be acosta-ed just like a man without any sexism about how women aren’t just as capable of two or even three bounces on that polished White House floor.  That is my dream.  That a reporter not be judged by the choice of its pronouns but rather on the basis of its aero dynamicity and bounce elasticity.  Kinda chokes you up, don’t it?  I can almost hear the Battle Hymn of the Republic playing somewhere in the background.

Trump vs the Acostafication of Press Corps Nation

Dramatis Personae: President Trump – (PT);  Jim Acosta, CNN – (JA);   Major Garrett, CBS News – (MG);  Hallie Jackson, NBC News – (HJ);  Cecilia Vega, ABC News – (CV);  Al Drago, New York Times – (AD)

 

White House Press Corps Briefing Room; Wednesday 3pm

(President Trump is at the podium and is flanked by Secret Service Agents holding cardboard boxes.)

 

PT – Good afternoon Fake News Corps and welcome to the first White House news briefing since I’ve instituted the new rules.  I will now walk you through them.

First, each of you will be issued your own personalized microphone.  This microphone is only active when you hold it and the President or the Press Secretary has authorized your turn to question.  Your biometric information has been programmed into the unit.  It will only act as a microphone if you yourself are holding it.  Utilizing sound isolation software it will only broadcast your voice.  Also, if anyone else attempts to use your microphone within this room or if you attempt to use it out of turn, it will administer a significant electric shock to the holder.  Each subsequent attempt at unauthorized use will increase the voltage significantly until it reaches the legal limit.  After that point you probably will drop into a fetal position and call for your mommy.

Bob and Mitch will hand out the microphones and we’ll get started.

(Secret Service hands out the microphones and return to the dais)

PT – Okay let’s see who’s first.  How about you Major?

MG – Sir, Major Garrett, CBS News.

PT – Yeah, I know Major, I said your name.  What’s your question?

MG – Mr. President, don’t you think this demeans the dignity of the White House Press Corps?

PT – You can’t demean that which does not exist.  You next Hallie.

MG – As a foll… (suddenly screeching and swearing) YEEEAAAHHHH, son of a bitch!

PT – Major you weren’t next.  Bet that stings though.  Hallie, you’re next.

HJ – Uhhh, no questions at this time Mr. President.

PT – Oh, okay, how about you Cecilia?

CV – Mr. President, aren’t you afraid that this will send the wrong message to the American people?

PT – No Cecilia, I’m generally not afraid.  Al Drago, any question?

AD – Mr. President, why are you resorting to these draconian measures?  Don’t you trust the fourth estate to maintain decorum?

PT – Those are two questions but just this once I will answer them both but in reverse order.  First, hah!  Second, I have resorted to the use of dog training equipment because Jim Acosta has shown that he has the manners and the intellect of a fairly dull-witted chihuahua.  You have a question Jim?

JA – I protest such a vile characterization of myself.

PT – That’s not a question.  Major you’re next.

JA – How dare youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!

PT – That was a question Jim, but it wasn’t your turn.

MG – Can I give my question to Jim.

PT – No, but that was a question so Hallie we’re back to you.

HJ – Still no question sir.

PT – Cecilia?

CV – Uhhh, how are you enjoying the fall?

PT – Excellent, I’ve taken a couple of strokes off my golf game.  And that brings us back to you Jim.  Care to take another crack at it?  But please try to follow the protocol, we just got the rug steam cleaned.

(Acosta looking nervously around and holding the microphone in his left hand)

JA – Which reporter do you consider the enemy of the American people?

PT – Certainly not you anymore Jim.  You’re such a good boy!  Catch the treat!

Jim Acosta – Symptom of the Times

Watching Jim Acosta at a White House Press Briefing is akin to watching a determined three-year-old asking his mother why.  Initially it’s amusing but eventually it’s unbearable.  The mindlessness of it renders it a form of exquisite torture.  In the three-year-old it’s tolerated because you know it’s a stage in the development of language and social skills.  In an allegedly mature man with a White House Press Pass it’s a symptom of the terminal illness that has infected the American body politic, bloodless civil war.  Acosta is a proxy for the desire of millions of progressives to harass the President of the United States for winning the 2016 presidential election.  He gets to mouth ridiculous complaints about the supposedly unfair statements President Trump makes about the press.  And in his yammering repetition of what he thinks are damning indictments of the current administration we hear an echo of the half-witted chants of Antifa, BLM, Occupy Wall Street and every other neo-marxist street circus going all the way back to the drug addled imbecilic protesters of the 1960s.  Hey hey, ho ho, blah blah blah has got to go.   Hey hey, ho ho, blah blah blah has got to go.  Hey hey, ho ho, blah blah blah has got to go.   Hey hey, ho ho, blah blah blah has got to go…………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Full of sound and fury signifying nothing.

As ZMan is fond of saying “we live in unserious times.”  But in all actuality the stakes are very serious.  A federal judge (and one appointed by President Trump no less) has granted a temporary injunction pending a decision on whether Jim Acosta’s lunacy at White House press conferences is protected by the First Amendment of the United States Constitution.  The duly elected leader of the most powerful state to ever exist is thwarted in his important work of transmitting the proceedings of his administration to the Press by a bleating half-wit with an expensive hair-cut and a power tie.  I’m starting to think that the real victory of the Trump presidency will be when he begins reining in the madness that the Left inflicts on us daily.

There is a school of thought that President Trump supports the daily barrage of leftist insanity as a way to garner sympathy from the American public, that the presence of Acosta actually stokes the anger that guarantees his constituency’s ardor in supporting his causes.  If that is true then I must be outside of his target audience.  I would pay a month’s gross salary to be rid of the likes of Jim Acosta from the daily news feed.  If he were permanently banned from the White House and had to merely comment from the sidelines, I would be supremely pleased.  It would be a solid win.  It wouldn’t change the world but it would be a sign that these lunatics sometimes have to retreat.  So, President Trump, hear my plea.  Don’t just let Jim Acosta win.  Push this all the way to the Supreme Court if need be and strike a blow for baseline sanity.  Prove that this is still in some small way the same place that engendered Washington and Jefferson or for pity’s sake at least Teddy Roosevelt.