Dramatis Personae: Morning Shmoe – (MS); Lycra Spandexy – (LS); President Trump – (PT); Kim Jong Un (KJU)
Scene 1- 8am, MSNBC, Set of the Morning Shmoe talk show;
MS – Welcome back from that commercial break and it’s the cube root of 27 minutes after the hour and we’re here at the set of the Morning Shmoe Show. And Lycra Spandexy and I were just saying how we’ve never been more in love or more sure that Donald Trump’s presidency is seconds away from imploding before our eyes.
LS – Yes, that’s right Shmoe, very, very in love and very, very close to imploding.
MS – Exactly.
LS – Exactly.
MS – And continuing on our discussion of the bromance between Trump and Kim, I just wonder how Donald Trump feels knowing that he has become just as much of a laughing stock as that other tin pot dictator Kim Jong Un. After all he may not be as short and fat as Kim but he’s just as much of a psychopath and just as ugly.
LS – Yes that’s right Shmoe, very, very much a laughing stock and very, very ugly.
MS – Exactly.
LS – Exactly.
MS – Hmmm.
LS – Oh, look! Producer Jorge says we have a caller on line one. Go ahead caller.
KJU – You listen good Lycra Spandexy and Morning Shmoe! This Kim Jong Un, Supreme Dear Leader of Democratic People’s Republic of Korea. You really piss me off. Maybe my friend Donald Trump let you get away with this stuff but I no will. You are in deep doo doo. You make fun of me? Hah, I make fun of you! What kind name Lycra Spandexy? Sound like the sports bra. And Morning Shmoe? You some kind of Fourth Stooge? Hah, Hah!
LS – Oh yeah? Well your name is really funny. Don’t you know Kim is a girl’s name? Like Kim Kardashian.
MS – Honey, I don’t think you should engage. I think the directive in these situations is to remain calm and shelter in place until the back-up arrives.
KJU – Too late you foolish losers. I already sent team to your apartment. You aware that Korean cuisine includes dog, right?
LS – Mr. Toodles?
KJU – That right. I now finishing off Toodles with Noodles. Very hot and very tasty.
(Lycra becomes hysterical)
MS – You fiend! I’ll call the State Department and have you arrested.
KJU – Don’t bother. Diplomatic immunity. And I already in flight and over Atlantic Ocean. Plus, I no think Donald like you two too much. You piss him off too. So goodbye losers. Better not say more about me or you might end up on menu for my shark tank. (call ends in a dial tone)
MS – (with Lycra in the background keening shrilly for Mr.Toodles) Well this is a black day on Morning Shmoe. Not since the 9-11 attacks has anything as shocking occurred. In fact, as we all know, the 9-11 attacks were the fault of Islamophobia whereas this murder is strictly the fault of Donald Trump and his Axis of Evil with a dictator who will remain nameless because of reasons. I would declare a morning of mourning but we really need the paychecks to cover the wedding expenses we incurred. It was an event wedding in Hawaii and Lycra had a lot of Eastern European relatives to fly in.
LS – (breaking out of her wailing dirge) You were the one who wanted Hawaii.
MS- Whatever! Well anyway, goodbye everybody and may your morning progress.