Trump vs the One Pump in a Potted Palm Chump

Dramatis Personae: President Trump – (PT); Vice President Pence – (VPP); Sean Hannity – (SH); Charlie Rose – (CR); Matt Lauer – (ML); Harvey Weinstein – (HW); Tom Brokaw – (TB)

 

Scene 1- 8am White House West Wing; Oval Office

PT – Mike.  Mike.  PENCE!!!!  Where the hell are you?

VPP – Right here Mr. President.  What seems to be the problem now?

PT – I’ve got a text message from Sean Hannity saying the fake news boys want to have a secret conference with me.

VPP – That seems fairly unusual.  I’d suspect some kind of trap.

PT – You’re too suspicious Mike.  But if I do have them here I’ll make sure the Secret Service uses cavity searches and their new cosmic ray scan.  That should fry any electronics they’re hiding and their brains and gonads.  But since they have neither there shouldn’t be a problem.

VPP – Very prudent sir.  But please show particular restraint in what you say.  They are not your friends.

PT – Duh.  Set up the White House bunker and go over the details with Hannity.  I’ve got a movie date with the First Lady.  We’re getting an advance screening of Deadpool 2.  It’s gonna be epic.  I’m gonna wear my costume.

VPP – Oh good.

Scene 2 – 10 pm, White House bunker;  A room half full of journalists and the President entering with his Secret Service Detail.

SH – Thanks for taking time out for these Media celebrities Mr President.  They were very anxious to meet with you.

PT – Sean, what the hell are you talking about?  These aren’t celebrities.  They’re disgraced losers.  Just look at them.  They’re all wearing track suits and I don’t think any of them has showered this month.  Now I’m feeling bad for the Secret Service guys who had to administer the cavity searches.

SH – In many ways you are right but please hear them out.  They’ve really suffered a lot and they need your help.

PT – Sean, you’re really starting to slip.  Well tell them to make it snappy.  I have to have the Deadpool 2 disc back in three hours and I want to watch it again.

SH – Yes, Mr. President.

PT – Alright Brokaw, what do you want?

TB – Mr. President, don’t you think it’s unjust for a Pulitzer Prize winning journalist such as myself to be hounded from the newsroom by the #metoo movement while a proven philanderer and solicitor of prostitutes such as yourself is allowed to keep the highest office in the land and wield the almost god-like power of the nuclear button?

PT – No!  Next.

TB – Hey, you can’t …

PT – Toss him on the street and don’t be gentle.  (Brokaw is noisily manhandled out of the room by the Secret Service)

PT – Next.  Alright Charlie Rose, what’s your story?

CR – Mr. President. If you’ll make a few phone calls and set up a spot for me on Fox I can guarantee that you’ll be my first interview.  Now my journalistic integrity won’t permit me to overlook your racist positions on immigration and affirmative action but if you show sufficient contrition and agree to appointing Hillary Clinton to your cabinet as Attorney General I can guarantee to at least keeping an open mind about endorsing you in 2020 or at least treating you like John McCain, you know mild disdain.

PT – Rose you’re the creepiest looking dude since that guy on Tales from the Crypt.  You give gropers a bad name.  Guys don’t just rough him up.  Water board him for a week or two.   (Rose is dragged away whining morosely as usual)

PT – Next!  What about you Lauer?

ML – You know I’ve changed my mind.  I’m gonna quit while I’m ahead.

PT – Yeah, well, bye.  Give my regards to Savannah and Hoda.  Oh, that’s right, they don’t take your calls anymore, pervert. (Lauer is escorted out of the room)

PT – Well, Weinstein, you’re the only one left.  But you’re not even a journalist.  Why are you here?

HW – Mr. President, I’m not a journalist, I’m a business man just like you.  And as a fellow businessman you know how unfair it is to mix business and personal life when business decisions are made.  And because of that I want you to grant me a presidential pardon and get the Hollywood Commission to reinstate me at the Weinstein Company.  If you do this for me I’ll donate generously to your campaign fund and I’ll see to it that many beautiful starlets are available for, let us say, private conferences.

PT – Harvey, you potted plant polluter, there are no words to describe my disgust at your lack of class.  Let’s face it, the way you look, you should have been honest enough to admit to yourself that all your sex would be on a cash basis.  Guys, just get him out of here as quickly as possible and make sure all the vegetable life in the White House has been disinfected before the First Lady wakes up tomorrow.  (Weinstein is given the bum’s rush out the door)

PT – Hannity I have half a mind to ban you from the White House for a year.  What made you think I had anything to say to these losers?

SH – Well Mr. President, not to put too fine a point on it, I assumed that your treatment at the hands of the Pussy Hat brigade would make you at least somewhat sympathetic toward their plight.  After all, how different are you from them?

PT – Sean, that is the stupidest thing you’ve ever said.  The difference between them and me is they don’t understand women.  I do.  They try to coerce women who work for them into doing what they don’t want to do.  I only want women who are convinced I’m the best deal they’ll ever find.

SH – What about Stormy Daniels?

PT – That was just a pit stop.  And besides nobody twisted her arm, or anything else if I recall correctly.  So Sean, the next time you get a call from one of these guys, just hang up and dip the phone in Lysol.

SH – Yes Mr. President, sorry Mr. President.

Reductio ad Absurdum

Back in the Paleolithic Epoch I read a story by Brother Heinlein called “The Year of the Jackpot.”  In the story a statistician named Potiphar Breen has detected a convergence of all the various human and natural cycles.  Everything from the sunspot cycle to stock market crashes are headed for a simultaneous crescendo that he predicts will shatter normal human patterns.  Proof of his thesis is detectable in a rash of lunatic behavior in every human grouping.  Aberrant behavior like transvestitism is becoming commonplace, ordinary women are spontaneously stripping in public and in general, people are becoming unhinged.  Based on his calculations he believes it will come to a head within a year and will result in cataclysm.  Not to ruin the story, which is actually quite fun, but as predicted, all hell breaks loose when all these metaphorical evil slot machines pay off at once.

As is typical in the age we live in, all Heinlein’s predictions fall short of reality.  His fictional transvestitism is now a feeble half-measure compared to the reality of transgender lunacy that we currently endure.  And all other aberrations he predicted pale in comparison to the actual insanity that currently reigns on our streets and in our homes.

As far as The Year of the Jackpot, well, all the trend lines for disaster have been pegged out as vertical asymptotes for so long that we’ve forgotten that they can slow down, never mind actually reverse direction.  Predicting catastrophe is meaningless.  We’ve been in a perpetual train wreck for decades.  All the stored-up reserves of stability and normalcy are completely depleted.  Every societal structure meant to support our civilization is dry-rotted and hollowed out.  The only real question is what straw will break the camel’s back.  So, in the spirit of Heinlein’s story I’d like to examine our current world and extrapolate where the trends will lead.

Probably most significant of the latest developments is the #metoo phenomenon.  The ongoing media circus is consuming movie, news and political celebrities in Hollywood, New York and Washington at a pretty good clip.  I think I read the current count is about one hundred accused.  The great majority of these are lefties so the entertainment value is undeniable.  But the hoped-for target is the President.  What is the likelihood of it succeeding?  I’d say extremely low.  The current targets all work for liberals (either in corporate leadership or as a constituency).  Trump owes exactly zero allegiance to feminists and their rules.  But will there be any other upshot of the continuing rollout of this phenomenon?  I think there will be.  As the numbers start to increase I predict that even the feminists will see the downside of removing all functionally heterosexual men from the liberal institutions.  What it will do is reinforce that politically correct rules of behavior are not only inherently anti-male but obviously unjust.  Due process and the presumption of innocence have no part in these proceedings.  All men are presumed guilty with no possibility of appeal.

All this will have a two-fold effect.  In the case of leftists their friends will throw them under the bus to toe the line.  Eventually, as the offenses become more and more trivial these men will start hiring lawyers to defend their interests.  The backlash promises to be substantial and equally hilarious as the accusers are made to look rightly ridiculous in their paranoia and pettiness.  In the case of right wing individuals not associated with left wing institutions, they will defend themselves against these charges and begin the process of rolling back some of this extra-judicial overreach.  Hopefully this will have the effect of discouraging exaggerated accusations.  It will also draw attention to the ridiculous state of sexual harassment laws and their irrational double standards of application.

But the much bigger story is the ongoing Trumpocalypse.  The enormity of this phenomenon is almost impossible to exaggerate.  Regardless of whether President Trump can achieve an actual reversal of the in-progress vivisection of the legacy citizenry of the former United States of America, he demonstrates just how desperate the situation actually is.  All the harassed non-protected groups banded together and elected a reality tv comic book character to be their savior.  And against all odds and expectations he has proven to be an heroic figure.  Almost single-handedly he has taken on both parties in Congress, the various tentacles of the Deep State and the entire Hollywood Media Complex.  While doing this he has provided endless entertainment and moral support for every down-trodden man in this troubled land.  So, if he succeeds in reversing the direction we’re headed and begins fixing the worst of the problems the leftists have inflicted on us (mass immigration, affirmative action) then that will be against a might upheaval of the cultural Marxist establishment.  There will be riots in the streets and insane propaganda unheard of since Baghdad Bob was running Saddam Hussein’s public relations office.    But even if he is brought down by the leftists I forsee him providing the spark to finally blow this whole powder keg sky high.  I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say that there would be a march on Washington that will make the various million-man marches look pathetic.  He has awakened a very large force of really pissed off men.

To get back to my original thesis, the Year of the Jackpot is upon us very soon.  Will things fall apart or improve?  Yes.  Maybe even both.  And it’s actually a relief.  Realizing that things cannot continue along the same trajectory is encouraging.  Something’s gotta give and hopefully it’ll be them.  But even if it’s actual dissolution it is better than the slow collapse.  This way at least something may be saved.  And as more people wake up to just how bad things are it adds to the weight pushing against the locked door of the burning barn.  We may get out alive.  Here’s to the Jackpot.

Trump vs the Unemployables

Scene 1: White House Oval Office Wednesday, 10 a.m.

President Trump (PT) – Mike, Mike!  Where the hell are you Pence?

Vice President Pence (VPP) – Right here as usual Mr. President (sigh).

PT – Look Mike, Unemployment is at historic lows but there is one demographic that isn’t benefiting from the fantastic Trump economy.

VPP – Gee, Mr. President, I haven’t heard this report.  Which demographic are we discussing.

PT – The anti-Trump demographic.  You know, Hollywood, the MSM and Washington.  I mean look at this list.  Matt Lauer, George H.W. Bush, Chris Savino, Roy Price, Mark Halperin, Michael Oreskes, Lockhart Steele, Bret Ratner, Dustin Hoffman, Louis C.K., Woody Allen, Charlie Rose, Al Franken, John Conyers, Harvey Weinstein, Kevin Spacey, James Toback, Ben Affleck and Glenn Thrush.  It’s an endless list of my loser enemies.

VPP – Well sir, is it really a priority to find jobs for such obviously wealthy individuals?

PT – You’re missing the point Mike.  These cheap bastards are probably already signed up for food stamps and Obamacare.  We can’t let them free-ride on the backs of decent working Americans.  I will address this on prime-time television tonight.  Get my speech writers in here right away.

VPP – Yes Mr. President.

Scene 2: Same Day, 8pm, White House, Oval Office, President seated behind desk and surrounded by audio-visual equipment.

PT – Good evening my fellow Americans.  I know I’ve pre-empted Big Bang Theory or whatever it is you watch now but I need your attention, so put the bong down and try to focus.

I know you are all aware of the almost endless list of #metoo pervs.  What you may not be aware of is that almost everyone of them are my personal enemies.  Well anyway, I’ve decided that I shouldn’t waste an opportunity.  With all these scumbags out of work and fighting enormous lawsuits I have decided to promote a new program FEET.  That stands for full employment for the enemies of Trump.  You see the “for,” “the” and “of” aren’t included in the acronym.  That’s pretty standard.

So how it will work is that in exchange for the federal government paying off their lawsuits and keeping them out of prison they’ll be interned at a work camp in North Dakota for five years.  There they’ll spend their days providing power for the oil derricks.  I don’t have any real information yet but I’m imagining they’ll be chained to a big wheel like that one that Arnold Schwarzenegger was turning in Conan the Barbarian.  That would be kind of cool and the walking around in a circle gives the whole FEET thing a tie-in.  And they’ll spend their nights cleaning toilets and spittoons in the shale oil patch saloons and strip joints.  And I’ve given the proprietors of those establishments specific instructions if any of our boys gets out of hand with the ladies there.  Let’s just say there will be some trans-gendering that won’t have to be paid for by the federal government, if you take my meaning.  And finally, as a condition of their service they will have to take 5,000 hours of Trump harassment training.  Utilizing the latest advances in high voltage aversion training techniques they will truly learn to love the “Dear Leader” as my short fat North Korean friend would phrase it.

Okay, that’s all, you can light up another bowl of weed now.  But for pity’s sake go to work tomorrow.  We’re trying to make America great again.  Do something!  Trump out.

 

Since my readers don’t always stop by every day I figured I’d paste this poll on each post for a while to see what folks call themselves.  This is the post the poll came from  Who Are We?

… And that got me thinking. Who are the people who read my blog?  I thought it might be fun to see what the cross-section looked like.  If you feel like saying what you believe in, feel free to leave a comment and/or pick a label from the poll below.  I think it might be interesting.

 

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Total Votes : 56