Trump vs Twitter Ban

Dramatis Personae:  President Trump – (PT);   Melania Trump – (MT);    Vice President Pence – (VPP);    Mad Dog Mattis – (MDM);    Rachel Maddow – (RM);   Kim Jong Un – (KJU);   Russian President Vladimir Putin – (RVP);  Rosie O’Donnell – (ROD);  George Will – (GW);  Warning Announcer – (WA)

 

Scene 1: White House West Wing; 8am Friday; First Family living quarters

PT – Schmoopey!  Schmoopey!  Schmoopey where are you?  I need your help more than ever before.

MT – I’m right here Schmoopey, do not despair.

PT – Schmoopey, this is a national emergency, Twitter has banned me.

MT – Schmoopey, is this indeed an emergency?  Twitter seems to me to be not an emergency.

PT – Of course it is.  Without my twitter feed how will I get out the truth?  The failed New York Times and fake news networks will lie unopposed and Americans will fall into panic.

MT – This is true.  How can I help you in the saving of the nation.

PT – I need an idea to force them to restore my Twitter account.

MT – But you are the great leader.  They must obey or you will crush them like ants under your giant feet.

PT – Sadly, that is not how it works.  Apparently, the US government is not allowed to assassinate US citizens except if a Democrat is President.

MT – Too bad.  That would be convenient.

PT – You’re telling me.

MT – Yes, I am telling you.

PT – (sighs heavily) … Anyway, I can’t do that so I need a good idea to fix this.

MT – You must speak to the very wise men of government. President Vice Mike and the Mad Dog.

PT – You’re right again Schmoopey, those guys have been sleeping on the job long enough.  I’ll put a fire under them and get something useful out of them for a change.  After all I can’t do everything all alone.  And I’ll get Putin and Kim Jong Un working on this too.

MT – Get them, get them.  Make them fix this.  Go Schmoopey, you are truly wonderful, Mr. Leader.

Scene 2; White House Bunker, Teleconferencing Area; Same Day 6 pm.; President Trump, Vice President Pence and Defense Secretary (Mad Dog) Mattis are seated in virtual conference seats with life sized images of Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong Un facing them.

PT – Okay, so that’s the problem.  I’ve been banned from Twitter and I have to get back on.  What are my options.

VPP – Mr. President, what seems appropriate is a strongly worded editorial in the major daily newspapers, the Times and the Post, declaring the unfairness of this decision by Twitter.

PT – Low energy, Pence.  Next.

KJU – Nerve gas attack on Twitter owner’s dog.  Get message across with small gesture.

PT – Interesting, but let’s hold the nerve gas in reserve right now.  There’s a whole treaty about that sort of thing plus PETA can be a bear to deal with when they get antsy.  Next.

RVP – The correct play is hack their servers and block all other feeds but yours for two weeks and then demand a billion dollars in cryptocurrency to restore their service.  Plus special forces should occupy the first three floors of their headquarters and annex it to the Russian Federation.

PT – Also interesting.  But none of that annexing jazz.  Americans are pretty attached to the territory.

RVP – Suit yourself.

PT – Next.

MDM – Mr. President, I think I’ve got an idea that should provide you with the short-term ability to get out your message and long-term will force Twitter to restore your account.  And my plan has the added advantage that it allows you to work within the confines of the US Constitution and all other applicable US laws.  Plus, no humans or dogs will be terminated.

KJU – You must really be mad dog if you so picky about nerve gassing them.  You big baby.

RVP – Why so boring Mad Dog?

PT – Kim Jong Un, Vladimir, thank you for your help.  If we need a backup plan I’ll be in touch.  (the images of Putin and Kim disappear but not before Kim flips Mattis the bird)  Alright Mad Dog you put together your team and Mike try to be helpful to the team.  You know, I can’t do everything myself!

Scene 3:  The following Monday evening;   The Set of the Rachel Maddow Show; Rachel Maddow is at her desk and facing a large television screen on which appear the various guests she interviews.

RM – Hello everyone, we’ve got our usual line up of inspiring progressive stories and tragic conservative stories but before anything else we need to jump onto the biggest story of the week.  Donald Trump has been banned from Twitter, permanently!  I’ve assembled a panel of brilliant and objective thought leaders to objectively explain to you why it’s perfectly reasonable for Twitter to decide that Trump is too racist and evil to be allowed to tweet.  My first guest is an esteemed former Republican and originator of the bow tie and glasses look that I myself envy so much, the estimable George Will.  (Will appears on the screen looking both pompous and ill at ease at the same time)

GW – Thank you Rachel.  And if I may preface my remarks with a quote by the great Negro League pitcher Satchel Paige, “Avoid fried meats which angry up the blood. If your stomach disputes you, lie down and pacify it with cool thoughts. Keep the juices flowing by jangling around gently as you move.”

RM – I believe that is cultural appropriation.

GW – If it is, I’ll warrant I can lay it at the feet of the Trump presidency or hacking by Putin.

RM – Probably.  Okay, continue.

GW – What Satchel said about fried foods is the advice that Twitter is acting on.  Trump is the irritant like the fried food and Twitter has removed it and that will pacify our blood and give the nation cool thoughts.

RM – That’s fascinating coming from a conservative.

GW – Obviously, Rachel you’re still working under the fallacies of the old paradigm.  After the conversion to the new Will paradigm shift all of these seeming paradoxes disappear.  For instance, under the old fallacious viewpoint my opposition to the Republican president would appear to be unconservative.  But once you shift your point of view to the Will perspective you realize that real conservatism is what you find on MSNBC.  Real conservatives conserve the values that thrive in the new conservative universe.  The universe of Twitter and Facebook.  And once you embrace this new knowledge you realize who the real leader of the conservative movement truly is, Hillary Rodham Clinton.

RM – I always suspected as much.

(suddenly a federal emergency interruption flashes across the screen and a warning announcer speaks)

WA – We interrupt this broadcast to bring you this important message from the President of the United States.

PT –   Rachel Maddow is a nincompoop who really needs a better haircut and wardrobe.  Very unfair and fake news.  Also, very boring and unattractive.

WA – That concludes this warning of the emergency broadcast network.  We return you to the regularly broadcast program already in progress.

RM – What the (bleep) was that?

GW – Apparently Donald Trump has lost whatever tenuous grip he had on reality and is now satisfying whatever impulse his id dreams up with complete …

(suddenly a federal emergency interruption flashes across the screen and a warning announcer speaks)

WA – We interrupt this broadcast to bring you this important message from the President of the United States.

PT – George Will is a pompous doofus who couldn’t play golf on his best day but pontificates about it endlessly.  His breath is horrible and he farts on TV all the time.

WA – That concludes this warning of the emergency broadcast network.  We return you to the regularly broadcast program already in progress.

GW – What the (bleep) was that?  (Will disappears off the screen leaving a test pattern in his place.)

RM – We seem to be having technical difficulties but let’s bring on the next panel member, Rosie O’Donnell.

(O’Donnell appears on the screen in an outfit that resembles a slightly tight fitting burlap sack.)

ROD – Hello Rachel.  It seems like it’s been a long time since you invited me on the show but let’s stay on point.  Donald Trump is a dangerous maniac and removing him from Twitter is the least that can be done to stop him from destroying the world and even the universe.  He is responsible for global warming, ozone depletion, overpopulation and hate crimes against all at risk groups.

(suddenly a federal emergency interruption flashes across the screen and a warning announcer speaks)

WA – We interrupt this broadcast to bring you this important message from the President of the United States.

PT – Rosie O’Donnell is undeniably the worst human being to appear on the View and considering how awful most of the broads on that show are that’s saying a lot.  She is so filled with rage that in order to transport her to events she must first be put in the Hannibal Lector restraints with the mask and straight jacket and the two-wheeler.  And she’s gotten so fat that she can no longer bath indoors but instead needs to be hosed down outdoors in the Bronx Zoo elephant paddock.  But the elephants must first be removed to avoid panicking them.  Hello Rosie.

WA – That concludes this warning of the emergency broadcast network.  We return you to the regularly broadcast program already in progress.

ROD  – (bleep)ing Trump I’ll (bleep) (bleep) the (bleep)ing (bleep) (bleep) (bleeeeeeep)!!!  (Rosie is last seen attacking the camera with her teeth then the feed goes dead followed by static.)

RM – We’re going to take a break now and go to commercial when we come back I’m sure we’ll have all this sorted out.  (once the cameras stop Maddow drops her head to the desk and sobs uncontrollably.)

Scene 4 – White House Bunker, Teleconferencing Area, Tuesday 6pm, President Trump sitting at the control board of the audio-visual system watching various feeds from the network and cable news shows and scribbling down some notes for his announcement rebuttals.  Next to him is a very tired and disheveled Mike Pence.

PT – Mike what rhymes with Tapper besides crapper.  I’ve already used that one.

VPP – Mr. President I can’t even think straight anymore.  It’s been more than twenty-four hours since we started this.  Can’t we take a break to sleep.

PT – Not yet Mike.  We’re very close.  I can tell they’re ready to cave.  I heard Jim Acosta is in the rubber room over at Washington General Hospital.  Apparently, he wandered in saying something about not being the enemy of the people.

(the phone rings and Mike Pence answers it)

VPP – Mr. President, it’s the CEOs of Disney, NBC-Universal, CBS, Time-Warner, Netflix, Amazon and the Home Shopping Network.  They want to surrender unconditionally.  Well except for HSN, they want to see if they can extend your subscription for three years at a really good rate.

PT – You tell those nitwits that the only way I’ll stop is if they reverse my Twitter ban and reinstate all conservatives they’ve banned in the last four years.

VPP – They’ve agreed.  Bezos purchased Twitter and fired the whole department in charge of persecuting conservatives.

PT – Good.  Oh, and tell them no more limit on the number of characters in my messages.  It’s really very lame.

Plug for Roger Kimball’s article “The Delusional Press for Power of the Anti-Trump Crowd.”

Just a quick recommendation and a link on an article on the website American Greatness. Roger Kimball wrote a piece called “The Delusional Press for Power of the Anti-Trump Crowd.”  I think it’s pretty great.  I’ll start out by saying that I laughed when I saw the picture at the top of the story was the peasants with pitchforks scene from the original Frankenstein movie.  That was priceless.  He analyzes what the media is doing and why.  I won’t paraphrase or belabor it.  I’ll just highly recommend it.

We Interrupt This Crisis to Go On With Our Actual Lives

Boy I’m glad I don’t have to watch or read the MSM.  I get a small dose reading my right wing news sources.  They can’t help but report on the big story, i.e., the MSM’s steadily increasing meltdown.  I guess I could consider it entertainment if it weren’t so repetitive.  I mean, how many times can talking heads speculate on how soon Trump will be impeached?

Sure, I know.  No one benefits more than me from mocking the 24/7 outrage machine.  The Trump one act plays are a staple of my blog here and provide me with many chuckles.  But even I know when it’s too much of a good thing.  So I’ll be pacing myself on this day to day drum beating.  And of course if they hand me any comedy gold on a platter, well, who am I to look a gift horse in the mouth?

But my intent is to mix up the output between book and movie reviews, photography articles and general interest posts.  And that’s all for the good.  Part of the strategy of the left is to keep up a steady barrage of bad news to destroy morale.  If you can break away from that monotonous shrieking and enjoy something normal and even wholesome from time to time it recharges the batteries and defeats their intent.

However, what I define as general interest can be considered odd.  But that’s just how it goes.  And, of course, general interest includes anything that impacts the culture war.  So I won’t always be ignoring the left wing nitwits.  I just may be looking away from the front page when selecting a topic of interest.  And now that actual warm weather is occurring over most of the country (but not you Colorado, you’ve been bad) things like baseball and barbecues could even enter into my musings.  For the first time in quite a while the Yankees are looking like a healthy and even exciting team.  For someone who has to deal with Red Sox fans on a more or less daily basis, that can be a very gratifying situation.  I’ve always thought that the Donald had a lot in common with George Steinbrenner, the late owner of the Yankees.  Both were bigger than life showmen who demanded success from those around them.  Steinbrenner was hysterically parodied by Larry David on the Seinfeld television comedy and I sort of take that as my example on how to handle the Trump character in my comic portrayals.

I’ve been gratified of late to see a few commenters on the blog and I definitely encourage anyone who has an opinion to express it (within the bounds of politeness of course).  I’m also looking to add some guest posters soon.  I have another photographer who has already said he’d provide some landscape stuff and I have a young reviewer that I’ll use to provide a fresh perspective on some of the young adult books that are out there.

So things are looking up here at OCF and let’s hope that the next time the MSM is talking about the Donald it’s to announce that they’re throwing in the towel (yeah right!).

Fake News for April Fools

Back when George W was still president I discovered Real Clear Politics (RCP) as a site that included at least a few of the not so-left-leaning news sources and polls during elections.  It became one of the easiest links to finding conservative information and opinion.  I guess, it still is.  At least I still visit it for news.  But, my God, what a mess.  Listen to these headlines:

Trump’s Chumps

The Landmines that Could Kill Trump’s Tax Cuts

WH Struggles to Get Out from Under Russia Controversy

Are the Brits Bonkers to Brexit?

Walking Away from the ACA Not an Option for GOP

Nunes Was Supposed to Probe Collusion, Not Commit It

How Do Men Like Trump Win?  Let My Fictional Panel Explain

And even from supposedly friendly sources, the best we get is:

Mistakes, He’s Made A Few Too Many

I mean, honestly, WTF.  And if you keep score of the articles written specifically by the staff of RCP you’ll quickly see that they’re no better than the Washington Post or the New York Times.  Now, of course, the Post and the Times (and the rest of the Old Guard) are obviously performing the same services for the Democrats as they did back when W was in office.  The calculation is that a constant drum beat of gloom, doom and slander will eventually damage President Trump enough to stop his agenda and turn the nation against him.  With W it worked.  Once the war turned sour he was slowly ground down by the press.  Of course, Trump isn’t W.  He attacks the press instinctively, successfully and with relish.  And his agenda will be for the most part popular with every day Americans.  So, I’m willing to let him do his thing for at least a few weeks at a time without panicking at the sight of unfriendly headlines.  After all, it’s currently the democrats who seem to be whistling past the graveyard with these headlines.  Next week the Senate may already have Gorsuch seated on the Supreme Court.  And even the knuckleheads in Congress seem to be trying to get their act together.  I’m of the opinion that all the headlines about poll numbers plunging and panicking republicans are pure spin.  So, what’s this post about?  I’m just complaining.  I’m pretty sick and tired of not having a reliable go-to site with the content I want.  But with a little fishing around I can generally see news and opinion that I want.  Here’s where I go:

http://www.realclearpolitics.com/  Yeah, I still go there first (groan).

http://drudgereport.com/  Well, of course, you’ve gotta (and it can be hilarious).

https://amgreatness.com/  This where Publius Decius Mus used to write.  I like a lot of the opinion pieces they write.  And they don’t have any obvious NeverTrumpers on staff.

And there are other more radical sites but I’ll leave them for another day.

So that is currently where I gather my information.  RCP and Drudge are news aggregators so effectively this allows me to cherry pick the best of what’s out there.  But that means there is a lot of dross there too.  American Greatness only gives opinion.  Between these sites I get most of what I want.  And of course for all of the rest of the world there is the most important opinion site of all Orion’s Cold Fire (OCF)!  I mean, come on, of course it is!  But modesty forbids me to elaborate on the obvious.  So enjoy April Fool’s Day (naturally, it’s snowing here today) but don’t be fooled by the foolish headlines.  All’s right in this best of all possible worlds.  I guess?

Trump vs The MSM (Part I)

Trump vs The MSM (Part II)

 

Scene: Oval Office

President Trump (PT):  Spicer, get in here will ya?  I’ve got a bone to pick with you.

Press Secretary Spicer (PSS):  How can I help you Mr. President?

PT:  I was just watching your presser with those news yahoos.  Why didn’t you blast those imbeciles?  Polite speech is wasted on these losers.

PSS:  Well, Mr. President, I am trying to maintain the dignity of our offices.

PT:  Under most circumstances that would make sense.  But these cretins are true villains.  Treating them humanely is a mistake.

PSS:  But how can you be sure that that strategy won’t boomerang against us?

PT:  That’s where tactics come into play.

PSS:  I confess I’ll need all the help on this I can get.

PT:  Relax, I’ve looked into the resources available to the White House and I’ve set up a command center for you.  You’ll have about forty men on your crew.  It’ll be their job to collect counter intelligence on the news rats and set up the audio-visual show.

PSS:  Sir, is that even legal?

PT:  Son, all it requires is enough manpower to research the earlier news reports of these blithering idiots to show just what kind of duplicitous hypocrites they really are.

PSS:  But is this not excessive?

PT:  That is dead wrong.  Even though the main stream media is barely credible with a good percentage of the population it is a mistake to let them lie about us and our work.  Now get together with your crew and start setting up the technical equipment in advance of the next press conference.

PSS:  Yes Mr. President.  Do you happen to have anything available on the NBC crew?  They’ve been especially annoying today.

PT:  Are you kidding?  I’ve got a reel of them throwing softballs to Obama about Reverend Wright that will have them running for the exits.

PSS:  Couldn’t happen to a nicer bunch of weasels.

 

Trump vs The MSM (Part II)