Why Do I Care About the Climate Con Job?

 

Well-meaning people fret about whether humans really are warming the planet and whether Trump is doing harm.  I recognize their rationalization.  What harm could it do to go along with the Paris Accord?  It’s like an insurance policy, right?  And if you’re a guy in your fifties or sixties and your money is already made and you’re getting ready to retire that’s probably an easy way to accept it.  But if you’re twenty or thirty or even forty years old you need steady work and steady growth to make your life work.  You’re starting a career or buying a house or trying to get kids through college.  And trying to do that in a low growth, energy poor economy is pretty ugly.  That’s the Jimmy Carter/Barack Obama model.  Small businesses disappearing, big businesses contracting and squeezing the workers for the privilege of keeping their jobs and government providing more bureaucrats and doling out the food stamps and misery to the serfs.

I saw this in the late seventies when I was coming of age.  Jimmy Carter had an economy so bad that one of the cheapest insurance companies in the world gave its employees a bonus just because inflation made their paychecks so pathetic that even they felt pity for the workers.  Now my kids and grandkids are growing up in this latest nightmare.  The Masters of the Universe have exported all their opportunities to Asia and the Trust Find Kids have outlawed combustion because the planet has a fever.  This was okay for George Bush and Barack Obama and the rest of the Washington gang because their kids all have jobs with the State Department or NBC.  But mine don’t.

Donald Trump’s kids have all the money they’ll ever need and so do his grandkids.  And maybe he really doesn’t care that our kids don’t.  But at the very least he heard the people who are hurting and figured out how to get their votes.  Let’s take this least flattering case.  He’s just taking advantage of the ideological situation of working class white people revolting against progressive policy neglect.  All just naked power politics no human feeling whatsoever.

I’ll still take it.  It’s the best deal we’ve been offered in a generation.  Ronald Reagan was a friendly face and a reassuring voice and a sensible speech.  Donald Trump is an angry face and a hectoring voice and he communicates in staccato sound bites and slogans.  But both of them are on my side.  Whether ideologically or pragmatically they are aligned with me.  And that’s good enough for me.

George Will was deploring the barbarians that have replaced his beloved conservative losers.  Those cheerful cultured republicans of yesteryear who happily went down to defeat but kept their dignity and trust funds intact while the rest of us were fed to the progressives.  Somehow, we need to be grateful for the manly effort they expended while adhering to the Marquess of Queensberry rules and gloriously not winning.

Well, sorry no.  I want the narrative where we don’t lose and my descendants aren’t serfs.  So no, no climate scam for me, thanks.  If the temperature does increase by ten degrees F, I’ll move to Canada or Alaska or Siberia.  In fact, that may be a better climate profile since Canada and Russia are the two largest countries on earth and both of them are too cold for much agriculture.  And the idea that New England might be able to support orange trees and bananas doesn’t disturb me overmuch.  Maybe I’ll become an orange rancher like my hero Harold Bisonette.

But anyway, that’s why I don’t have any sympathy for the environmentally sensitive.  If they really are that worried about carbon emissions then let them get Leonardo DeCaprio and Al Gore and Barack Obama and Prince Charles to start taking sail boats when they travel to the latest environmental summit.  Or better yet, let them skype instead.  But either way I’ll keep using gasoline and heating oil as long as they last.  After that I’m hoping hydrogen produced electrolytically from nuclear power plant generated electricity will be the fuel of the future.  But, however we do it I’m certainly not going to worry about global warming.  I’ll leave that to really smart people like Cher and Miley Cyrus.

Let the Joyous News Be Spread, The Imbecile Paris Accord is Dead

 

If the deranged Never-Trumpers still deny that Trump has done what none of his competitors would have, then I abandon any hope for their redemption.  Against the virtual firestorm of threats and innuendo from presidents, ministers, prime ministers, dictators, senators, congress critters, popes, pundits, millionaires, billionaires, actors, pop stars, the press and other assorted castrati, Donald Trump did the right thing and freed us from another Barack Obama executive order.  Bravo.  He’s the best president ever.  And I even mean over Reagan.  Now, I’m not claiming that Trump is more conservative or a better man.  Far from it.  But he is the perfect weapon for our time.  He is a vindictive bastard and that’s exactly what we need.  We have lost so much ground that if we don’t gain some ground right now we’ll end up backing right off the cliff.  I supported him generously in the last election but my return on investment is incalculable.  He has delivered over and over again.  And I expect that he will continue to do just that.

I will now prove I’m not a deranged Trumpophile.  Donald Trump is a very strange man.  He is a spoiled rich kid who grew up to be a self-indulgent megalomaniacal philistine.  He’s a serial philanderer who dumps wives like some men trade in cars.  He’s got a comb-over that frightens small children and probably dogs.  He claims to value money as a veritable end unto itself.  And he treats people like garbage.

But through some amazing circumstance he is a bona fide genuine American.  And he picked our side.  So, the same people who hate me, hate him too.  And that makes him my ally.  Trump understands power and he knows how manipulators play the game.  And when they attack him it triggers his super power.  So now he is using that power for good instead of evil.  To troll and torture these losers.  And he provides incredible entertainment value and the prospect of even more winning.

Of course, I should say a few words about the Paris Accord.  This is one of the worst parts of the Obama legacy.  His intention was to bake it so deeply into the economy that energy would become the means of permanently breaking the American people.  Once again, we’d be serfs for the lords of the manor with no hope of living like free men.  We’d be Europeans.  And so, Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos and all our prospective betters have been pushing Trump with every lever they could think of.  And of course, a Jeb Bush or John Kasich or Marco Rubio (and I fear even Ted Cruz) would find some reason why it wasn’t “prudent” right at the moment to get out of the accord.  And over time the president and the congress would each use the other to pass the buck as to why they never escaped this permanent tax on almost every facet of our lives.  And we would be the worse for it.

So, here’s to Donald Trump, that no good deplorable troll who saved all our butts.  I believe he is a case of divine intervention.  God works in mysterious ways and far be it from me to second guess the divine will.