My Favorite Show Last Night

So I’ve repeatedly called the Trump presidency “the greatest show on earth.” Honestly, it really is.  I watched the President’s address.  My only objection was having to hear one or two minutes of Shep Smith yammering in the background before the broadcast.  But that faded out of my mind right away.  One of the first things that struck me was that President Trump was having a good time going through the ritual.  He shook hands with Pence and Ryan more than once before he got started.  He always added something at the end of a sentence to intensify or personalize what he was reading off the teleprompter.  He applauded all of his guests very vigorously and he seemed at certain points to be speaking directly to the Democratic Congress as if to chastise them for their lack of enthusiasm about undeniably patriotic and sympathetic topics.  At one point, his expression and his hand gestures seemed to be saying to the Dems, “Come on applaud!”  The news said it was one of the longer SOTU addresses but honestly it seems to go quickly for me.  And I’m not just comparing it to the torturous Obama addresses.  Even W was too long for my tastes.  Probably because it didn’t entertain.  Trump was fun to watch.  The hand gestures, his claims to non-partisan motives and the general appeal to a patriotic agenda were highly effective.  I especially enjoyed his rhetorical shot at the NFL Anthem Kneelers right before the Super Bowl.  Masterfully done.  And, of course there was the kill shot, “young Americans have dreams too.”  Gold, Jerry, gold.

I’m sure there were some right wingers who were upset about the 1.8 million dreamers being brought up as a pillar of Trump’s four part plan on immigration but honestly, there isn’t a prayer in the world of Cryin’ Chuck accepting the wall and all the rest of the good stuff Trump loaded into his plan. I look at it as a poisoned pill that the Dems will refuse to touch.  What other choice will Trump have than to go to the American people and tell them to give him more Republicans in November to get his job done correctly.  I’m guessing a few years ago I would have been one of those complaining about this offer.  But I have learned my lesson.  Ann Coulter was right, “In Trump We Trust.”

Some of the other facets of the experience were the cutaways to people in the audience. Pelosi was the most consistent.  Her expression seemed to be saying, “That egg salad sandwich I just ate must have gone bad.”  Honestly she looked like she had to throw up but was gritting her teeth to stop it.  Schumer was draped over his chair like it was a recliner.  He was just sitting there taking it all in.  Some members of the Congressional Black Caucus looked enraged, especially when he talked about historically low black unemployment.  One of the highlights was when Trump mentioned the presence in the audience of Congressman Steve Scalise, recovered from the gunshot wounds he received at the hands of a crazed Democratic supporter last year.  That was a feel good moment that Trump seemed especially to relish.  First Lady, Melania Trump was in the gallery with the guests and looked typically dignified and lovely.  I read this morning that CNN claimed that Melania wore white as a protest against her husband’s alleged dalliance with a porn star, although why white would be an effective protest color is beyond my meager understanding.  Honestly, these people really have lost what little minds they had.  Several of the guests were associated with MS-13 gang related violence.  There were the four parents of two murdered Long Island teenage girls and an Hispanic law enforcement officer who ignored death threats to lock up a large number of these gang members.  These were highly emotional moments that made a deep impact.  However I believe the most charged moment came when Trump said that American heroes lived not only in the past but also today and the Republican audience started chanting USA, USA, USA.  At that point Democratic Representative  Luis Gutierrez literally got up and walked out of the assembly.  Good times, good times.  So what else could you ask for?  Well, actually, if you remember my recent “Trump vs SOTU” spoof, I included Trump insulting his enemies and having the FBI “Secret Society” members frog-marched out of the House of Representatives in the middle of the address and hauled off to jail.  Well, sure that would have been cool.  But you can’t expect reality to be as cool as my imagination.  But, then again, this is Trump so maybe he’s just saving something for next January.

Trump vs. The State of the Union – Part 3

Trump vs. The State of the Union – Part 1

Trump vs. The State of the Union – Part 2

(Earlier story installments at links)

Dramatis Personae:

Toffee Bredwell – An upper class British journalist from the BBC (TB)

Newt Gingrich (NG)

President Trump (PT)

 

Scene 1: US Capitol Building, 9:30 pm, following an interruption in the State of the Union Address

 

TB – Good evening again everyone and welcome back to the BBC coverage of the American Presidential State of the Union Address.  I’m your reporter Toffee Bredwell and we continue to have with us former Speaker of the American House of Representatives, the Honorable Newt Gingrich.

NG – Thanks Toffee.

TB – I’d like to start by apologizing for my unprofessional weakness a little while ago.  I reacted like some sort of Victorian heroine suffering a case of the “vapours” upon hearing of an impropriety.  My only defense is my sheltered public-school upbringing.  I am unused to such frank discussion of sexual impropriety by a national leader on television.

NG – Well Toffee, welcome to America, post Bill Clinton.  We do let it all hang out as the kids say,

TB – Quite.  And so, to bring our viewers up to date, President Trump followed up his introductory comments by instructing the various law enforcement personnel at his disposal to arrest, handcuff and escort away or as he so colorfully expressed it “frog march” the indicted FBI members in the audience to some unspecified area of confinement.

NG – Toffee, you have a way with words.

TB – Thank you Mr. Speaker, I do love my work.  Newt, what in the world can we expect from the conclusion of President Trump’s address?  Honestly, I’m completely at a loss as to what he can say that won’t seem overshadowed by the unprecedented actions we’ve just witnessed.

NG – Well Toffee, if we’ve learned anything from tonight’s events is that you should never assume anything when it involves Donald Trump.  He is entirely unconventional.

TB – Indeed.  Do you foresee many of the Congressional audience remaining for this second act?

NG – Well, other than those with guilty consciences I can’t imagine anyone with a ringside seat leaving this venue.  The old phrase, “the greatest show on earth” comes to mind.  There is something fascinating watching a force of nature at work.

TB – Well, we’ll have to wait for the finale to continue this discussion because I believe President Trump is resuming his place at the rostrum.

(scene shifts to President Trump back at the rostrum)

PT – I’m going to dispense with some of the formalities.  You’re phonies and liars and losers.  The American people don’t expect me to suck up to the likes of you.  But enough pleasantries.  The reason for this address is for me to report to the Congress.  The relevant passage in the Constitution is and I quote “He shall from time to time give to Congress information of the State of the Union and recommend to their Consideration such measures as he shall judge necessary and expedient.” Unquote.

So, here’s my information on the State of the Union.  The Union no longer exists.  It’s a disunion.  And until I came along, the leftist deviant part was killing and devouring the normal part.  Very recently I’ve been able to slow the damage and put a little hurt on the deviants but it’s just a start.  To restore the country to health I’m going to have to take a chainsaw to the parasite that’s killing our country.  The first step in the process is decapitating the Swamp Beast.  Currently that’s the Justice Department, especially the FBI.  I intend to fire all the pod people who have infiltrated the Bureau and replace them with human beings.  That should start the healing.  Then I’m going to drain the rest of the swamp.  We’ve made a good start over at the EPA and we intend to continue right along until the housing prices in Northern Virginia reach West Virginia levels.  On the political front I expect the midterms won’t turn out the way you think.  We’ll keep the House and we’ll expand our majority in the Senate.  With this situation I intend to increase my appointments to federal judgeships until I can put an end to the judicial meddling that we’ve seen for the last year.  I intend to appoint at least two more Supreme Court judges in my first term.  That’s right SCOTUS you know who I mean.  In my second term who knows?  We’ll play it by ear.

As far as legislation, I expect Congress to craft legislation to shut down immigration, restore religious freedom, undo unconstitutional overreach with respect to surveillance and so-called gay marriage and end affirmative action.  Between those actions we can stabilize this country and make it a place to be proud of again.  So, in conclusion we’ve got a lot of work to do.  Shut up and get to work.  Trump out.

(returning to the broadcast studio)

TB – Well Mr. Speaker, what do you make of that?

NG – I’d call it marching orders.  This President has an agenda and a plan of action.  It’s about time.

TB – Were you surprised at the lack of empathy or new programs for the underprivileged?

NG – You mean virtue signaling.  No.  Trump is a leader, not a cheerleader.  I’m just surprised he didn’t wade into the audience with a cat-o-nine-tails.

TB – Well there you have it ladies and gentlemen, the first State of the Union address by American President Donald J. Trump.  It was a ghastly spectacle but at the same time surprisingly energizing.  I warrant that in the months and years ahead we’ll look back at this address as the beginning of historic change in this former British colony.

NG – Toffee, you’ve got to let that go.

TB – Quite.

Trump vs. The State of the Union – Part 1

Scene1: White House West Wing, 8am, President Trump (PT) calling for Vice President Pence (VPP)

PT – Mike.  Mike.  Mike!!!  Where the hell are you Pence.

VPP –  Right here Mr. President.  I was on the phone with Ryan and McConnell.  They wanted a copy of your speech to help coordinate the standing ovations.

PT – Tell’em to forget about that bull.  I don’t want them cheering.  Tell them to keep their seats and keep quiet.

VPP – Oh no.  What are you planning Mr. President?

PT – I plan on using the speech to wake some people up and put some rats on notice.

VPP – Sir, the State of the Union speech is intended to report to the people on where we are as a nation.

PT – Well Mike, despite the fact that the economy is starting to come to life do you really think there is any reason for standing ovations?  I’m going to tell them the truth.  I’m going to talk about the FBI and the Justice Department and how they’re being run like the KGB with crooked operations targeting Americans because of who they are and not what they’ve done.  I’m gonna talk about Lisa Page and Peter Strzok.  America will love what the FBI is up to on their dime.  I’m gonna talk about McCabe and Mueller and Comey and the “Secret Society” they cooked up against me.  I’m gonna make their hair curl.

VPP – Oh good grief.  Mr. President, I’m asking you to reconsider.  You’re going to scare the American people.  We have the midterms coming up and we can’t have the electorate thinking of us as the crazy party.

PT – Look Pence, you’re gonna have to man up or I’ll have to say you have the flu and couldn’t come.  Besides this is gonna be great.  The people are gonna get this 100%.  You’ve gotta remember they’re used to seeing bureaucrats shake down citizens.  They’ll rally to me when I give them the details of the plot.

VPP – Sorry Mr. President.  I’ll do my best to keep on my game face.

PT – That’s the stuff.  Besides once Cryin’ Chuck begins weeping you won’t be able to stop laughing.  It’s that funny.  Anyway, get Sessions down here.  I was thinking that it might be fun to have the Secret Society rounded up and perp walked right during the middle of the State of the Union address.  I want to see if he can arrange that on queue from me at the podium.  Do you think it would be undignified if I had the Marine Corp Band play “Nananana Hey Hey Hey Goodbye” by Steam during their exit?

VPP – No sir, not for you.  In fact, now that I’ve heard about it, I guess even I’d be disappointed if you didn’t play it.  But to tell you the truth, now that I think about it, what about that Linda Rondstadt song that goes “You’re no good, you’re no good, you’re no good, baby you’re no good, I’m gonna say it again!”

PT – No you’re not gonna say it again.  No I prefer Steam.  It’s a classic.

VPP – As you wish sir.

PT – Exactly.

Trump vs. The State of the Union – Part 2