Scene: White House West Wing
David Muir (DM): Good evening, I’m David Muir of ABC News reporting from the White House with an exclusive interview with newly inaugurated President Donald Trump. Good evening Mr. President.
President Trump (PT): Hello David.
(DM): Mr. President, all of America is asking what will your administration do next. Your actions this week to build the wall and reverse so many of President Obama’s executive orders have surprised many people and frightened a good many of those.
(PT): Well David, I understand there are a percentage of Americans who disagree with my agenda. Those people are called democrats. But it doesn’t make much sense for them to be surprised. I’ve been saying for a year and a half that I would do all these things.
(DM): Many thought you were exaggerating.
(PT): So much for that. Look, I have a very aggressive agenda and time passes quickly in this town. It takes forever to just get rolling. For someone used to getting things done it’s very frustrating. So, no one should be surprised if I ram these changes through as quickly as humanly possible.
(DM): But what can you say to allay the fears of these people?
(PM): See a headshrinker. He’ll be able to explain that reality is sometimes different from your delusions.
(DM): That seems like a callous way of treating these people.
(PT): Not at all. Lying to people is much crueler. Like those crazy women who were shrieking about me while wearing those stupid hats. Telling people that they were the resistance instead of just posers. Look at that idiot Madonna. Talking about blowing up the White House. That’s the talk of a petulant child or a lunatic. She’s much better off seeing a shrink or taking a vacation or even taking care of her kids.
(DM): Mr. President, a lot of Americans think you’ve been lying about many things. For instance, you claim that your inauguration crowd was larger than President Obama’s.
(PT): Well David, if anyone should be worried about telling lies to the American people it should be the television and print press. Your colleagues Brian Williams and Dan Rather were both fired for fabricating stories. And even the ones who haven’t been fired know that they spend an enormous amount of time spinning facts to fit a narrative they want the viewers to believe. I mean, how is it that if a high government official knowingly disobeys the security laws for safeguarding government secrets and because of that a foreign government obtains that information the press doesn’t do their job and alert the people of the seriousness of the situation. And if the government at the time colludes to allow this crime to go unpunished how can the press not trumpet this from the front page as a major scandal? Isn’t that wholesale lying or even journalistic malfeasance.
(DM): But we’re not the US government we’re just in business.
(PT): From what I learned in grammar school, the press has a very important role to play in the American system. It seems that lying about the facts to the American people when it involves their government should be considered a serious offense. I think I’ll have my justice department review the record of your industry over the course of the last couple of presidents and see if any RICO laws have been violated.
(DM): Mr. President, I’m not sure I like the way this interview is going.
(PT): Relax David. The truth shall set you free. Maybe.