Dramatis Personae: President Trump – (PT); Melania Trump – (MT); photog – (PH)
Scene 1- 8am White House West Wing; Presidential Living Quarters; President Trump and Melania sitting at the breakfast table
PT – Schmoopey, I’m telling you, I can’t take it anymore.
MT – Schmoopey, what is all this big deal about? What can you not take more of?
PT – Washington, I can’t stand this place anymore. It’s so boring. I’m ready to jump on Air Force One and go hang out with Putin.
MT – No, please Schmoopey do not. There are terrible women there who do not know what a shower is and so they wet the bed. Be wise. Stay far away from them.
PT – But I’ve got to do something or I’ll explode. Think of something.
MT – Can I call Vice Mike? He is a smart man.
PT – Nooo!!! He’s more boring than Crying Chuck Schumer. Maybe I should go see Bubba Clinton.
MT – You will not call that awful, awful man. The way he stared at me during your in-swearing made me think of the devil. Lying Hillary must be a witch to live with such a devil.
PT – Well then who is left?
MT – You must summon the photog.
PT – What, that loser? He’s no fun.
MT – But he knows about the boredom. He is after all poor.
PT – That’s true, I’ve seen the truck he drives. Sure, I’ll call him. If worst comes to worst I can have the Secret Service waterboard him, that might be fun.
MT – And you are smiling already!
Scene 2 – 8pm White House West Wing; Oval Office; President Trump sitting at desk, photog just entering the door.
PH – Here I am Mr. President.
PT – What the hell took you so long? I called for you ten hours ago.
PH – Mr. President, I was at work when you called. I didn’t get your call until I got back to my desk after a three-hour morning meeting.
PT – Desk? What about your cell phone?
PH – I don’t own one.
PT – For pity’s sake, what are you, Rip Van Winkle?
PH – They seem like an annoyance to me.
PT – Sure they’re annoying but how can you get anything done without one? How do you get your messages and read your tweets?
PH – Yeah, I manage to muddle through with a laptop and a land line. I don’t “tweet.”
PT – You’re like that frozen Neanderthal. They should put you in the American Museum of Natural History.
PH – Yes, that’s what they should do. Anyway, how can I help you.
PT – Well after finding out what a luddite you are I’m pretty sure you’re not the guy I should talk to about overcoming boredom. You’ve got snooze tattooed on your forehead in three inch letters.
PH – Well since you’ve already dragged me here why don’t we take a stab at it anyway. Why are you bored?
PT – What a stupid question! I’m bored because Washington is the most boring place on earth. Everybody is a phony and a liar and a loser.
PH – Actually that is true. Why don’t you get out of Washington once in a while and talk to some actual humans instead of Washington pod people?
PT – I can’t. The Secret Service keeps me penned up in here like a zoo animal.
PH – Well, they let you do those arena events where you talk to the crowd.
PT – Yeah, but that’s just me talking. I’m pretty much sick of hearing myself talk and tweet and everything else. I want to get some interesting talk.
PH – Hmmm. Well how about your voters? They’re an interesting group.
PT – photog, if you’re representative of them then I can’t afford to let them know just how much I despise them. For instance, I can barely restrain myself from having the Secret Service waterboard you just to shut you up.
PH – Thanks so much. Well look, the people who voted for you run the gamut from idiots to geniuses, saints to sinners, billionaires to bums. If you want to hear some interesting stuff figure out how to engage all these people in some communication with your government. You tweet, but that’s a few words at a time and it’s a one-way flow of information. You need something like your rallies but with some kind of messaging. Maybe a live stream event. If you can get a team to sift through the messages you’ll find a gold mine of interesting questions and suggestions. And you can craft answers to those questions and you’ll find that it will capture the imagination of the right wing if they feel like they can talk to the President. And you’ll have interesting things to talk about and you won’t be bored.
PT – You know, that’s not the stupidest idea I ever heard.
PH – So, do you think you’ll do it?
PT – Either that or nuke Sweden. It’s six of one, half dozen of the other.
PH – Wow. Well, is there anything else?
PT – No, you can go now. Don’t let the door hit you in the butt on the way out. But make sure you tell the Secret Service that the aterway oardingbay is ancelledcay.
PH – Good seeing you again too, Mr. President.
On a more local note I’ve been intrigued by the general dearth of comments. Now this is my first blog so maybe it’s how it works but I’m curious, so I have a survey poll on it. I’ll leave it on the next few posts and I look forward to the info I get.