Camera Girl is acknowledged across the multi-verse as the worst dog trainer of all time. Whereas children and grandchildren respond to and obey her enlightened methods of child rearing, her dogs on the other hand are completely wild. This happens because she thinks dogs are perpetually infants. And so, she coddles them and allows them to walk all over her and run amok. Many years ago, we had our first German Shorthaired Pointer, Max. He was a magnificent specimen of a very large GSP and I thought he was fairly well-behaved. But one weekend I come home to find my youngest daughter standing on the couch because the dog had taken her socks while she was putting them on and was growling whenever someone came near them.
So, I went to get the socks from Max and he bit me. I was shocked. I asked Camera Girl, “When did this start?” She looked sheepish and said since he’d started to mature, he had been getting aggressive. I guess I’d been busy over the last six months and hadn’t spent any time training Max. But now we were in a bad situation. I didn’t want to lose the dog but I couldn’t have a large strong dog that might bite my kids. So being a lunatic I put on a pair of cowhide gloves and winter coat and attacked Max. I went for the socks and he went for me. I grabbed him around the neck and threw him to the floor and pinned him. Then I growled like a lunatic and bit him on the throat. And I never had another bit of trouble from that dog again. From that point on he worked for me.
Over the years Camera Girl has improved slightly. But depending on the temperament of the dogs, she’s done anywhere from fairly well to really poor at training them. Our latest pup is a female basset hound and she is feisty. And she likes to chew on things, including me. So, I started to follow Camera Girl when she was “training” Penny. And of course, the dog was running the show. She had this short legged chunky hound running around causing chaos and the only attempt at training was baby talk admonishments. So, I demanded that we get her straightened out. Now luckily there have been great strides taken in dog training since my days of biting Max on the throat.
One training aid is a shock collar. Well, actually it’s a combination buzzer/shocker. Camera Girl is way too tender-hearted to shock the dogs. But I’ve finally demanded that she start using the buzzer and use it consistently to get Penny to stop biting and jumping up. This is actually also for her own good. Basset hounds are very prone to hurting their backs and jumping up is a good way for them to do that.
And what do you know? After about two weeks of consistent training the absurd puppy is finally, finally beginning to behave. She hasn’t even tried to chew on my face once today. And I’m overjoyed. I think Camera Girl is finally beginning to grow up. Any day now I’ll be comfortable enough to finally throw that ratty coat and gloves away once and for all. And it’s a good thing. I think next time the dog would win.
Photog…Secret Service just called, they wanted to know if this would work on a white German Shepherd. If not, does the collar fit a demented 81 year old?
Nostra D, I don’t think Joe would respond to the buzzer at all. He’s too far gone. Set the shock level to a 100 and just hold down the button. Eventually that would get his attention. It might even cure some of his problems. Electroshock therapy has a long and hallowed tradition in psychiatric medicine (e.g., One Flew Over the Cuckoos’ Nest).