Chris Buskirk over at American Greatness is fast becoming one of my favorite reads. He had a great article ( https://amgreatness.com/2017/04/15/foolish-choose-morning-joe-crowd-bannon-voters/ ) that has once again inspired me to revisit our friends at Morning Shmoe.
Scene: Studio Set at Morning Shmoe
Shmoe Browfurrowed (AKA Morning Shmoe) (MS) – It’s three and a half minutes before the quarter hour and we’re back. Lycra have you heard the latest evidence about how Trump has already eliminated Steve Bannon and is about to replace him with Barney Frank.
Lycra Spandexy (LS) – No Shmoe, tell me all about it.
MS – Well it’s obvious to anyone paying attention. Trump is wearing ties. And as you all know Bannon doesn’t wear a tie. You do the math!
LS – That’s so true! Well now that Barney Frank is the virtual president what wonderful changes do you forsee?
MS – As first order of business, Melania will be eliminated as First Lady, either by divorce or deportation and Caitlyn Jenner installed in that position. Next Ivanka will begin the slow, deliberate process of becoming Ivanko. After that Trump will begin his transition which will culminate in him grabbing herself.
LS – It just writes itself, doesn’t it Shmoe?
MS – Yeah, sort of.
LS – Shmoe, what do you think caused the original loss of trust between Trump and Bannon.
MS – Well Lycra, we may never truly know but we can speculate.
LS – Can we?
MS – Oh, not only can we but we will. We’ve still got several hundred words to add before this post is full.
LS – Post?
MS – Nothing, nothing. Anyway, if you remember during the election it was rumored that Donald Trump had become a werewolf or possibly a loup garou.
LS – Yes, that was definitely a theory that swirled around the press corp.
MS – Well, I recently heard from someone (or possibly from a voice inside my head) that Bannon had become a vampire or some other type of undead.
LS – Well, that would explain a lot of things.
MS – Yes it would Lycra, yes it would. After all, if Underworld has taught us anything it’s that lycanthropes and vampires are always enemies. Also, we haven’t seen Bannon during the day recently. And he is obviously suffering from a skin condition brought on by his vampiric aversion to sunlight.
LS – Of course, why didn’t I realize this before?
MS – Because it’s only obvious after a great mind points it out.
LS – Oh Shmoe, you are wise. But where do we go from here. Now that progressives are firmly in charge of the US executive branch again what is the next order of business?
MS – There are so many Obama initiatives that are languishing and that need a few trillions of taxpayer dollars to really perk up. I would say that a new cabinet level department is the first order of business. The Department of Black Lives Matter is the unofficial name I heard mentioned (by a voice in my head) but the name is secondary. The important thing is eliminating this whole law enforcement and justice concept that has somehow infected our government for too long.
LS – Shmoe, that’s marvelous. And to think, the Trump administration hasn’t even acknowledged Bannon’s departure yet. What are they waiting for?
MS – I would guess it has to do with the cycles of the moon. Lycanthrope/vampire interactions are far from an exact science. My guess is the announcement will occur at the new moon. That’s April 26th to you normals.
LS – Shmoe, isn’t it great to be living in this best of all possible worlds?
MS – Yes it is Lycra, Yes it is.