Scene 1: White House West Wing; Monday 8 a. m.
President Trump (PT) – Mike, Mike!! Where the hell are you Mike?
Vice President Pence (VPP) – Right here as always Mr. President.
PT – Oh, good. Look Mike, I know you’re the VP and all that but it occurs to me that I really need to require extreme vetting on anyone who wants to be President after I’m through with the job. And that’s either tomorrow if they tick me off and I quit or thirty years from now if I decide to hold onto the gig.
VPP – Ahhh, that not exactly true Mr. President. You are term limited to eight years by the Constitution.
PT – Well unless I get that changed.
VPP – That’s not possible for you, only a future President could benefit from such a change.
PT – You see, and it’s just this kind of attitude that shows I’ll need to vet you extremely to make sure you’ve got the right attitude to be President. I mean suppose you got in and then we found out you were low energy like the Bushes. That would truly suck and so I can’t let that happen.
VPP – Yes sir.
PT – But don’t worry Mike. You’ll be allowed to skip the early rounds and start in the semi-finals. I’m thinking of getting some guys in at the beginning that will fill out the blooper reel. I figure Jeb, Kasich and that crazy dame whatsername, Purina.
VPP – I think you’re talking about Carly Fiorina. Purina is a dog food.
PT – Well yeah but you see the link.
VPP – Ahh.
PT – Exactly.
VPP – Well, Mr. President, it sounds like you’ll be very busy with preparations. If I can be of any assistance just let me know.
PT – Sure, yes me to death. I’m not fooled but I’ll let you go. I do have a lot to get done.
Scene 2 Oval Office: President trump on the phone with Jeb Bush.
PT – So let me get this straight. You’re willing to compete but you want a guarantee that I won’t say that you’re low energy?
Jeb Bush (JB) – That’s right. I demand to be treated with the respect I’ve earned as the Governor of Florida and the brother and son of United States Presidents.
PT – Well, I think the answer to that is dependent on your definition of respect. The first event in the competition is hosting Barron’s birthday party. I was thinking of a traditional Bozo the Clown costume but I’m not opposed to a Crusty the Clown costume either. Of course, the Crusty costume is cheaper to rent. Your choice.
JB – Why that’s outrageous.
PT – I know. Bozo has been out of the public spotlight for decades and still they demand a 15% premium at the checkout register. Outrageous.
JB – You must be out of your mind if you think I’ll stoop to such juvenile behavior. No self-respecting public official would allow himself to be held up to such ridicule just for the sake of your endorsement.
PT – Kasich went with the Clown from It.
JB – I’ll go with the Bozo. But I’ll bring my own shoes. Fungus you know.
PT – That’s the spirit. Now make sure you’re six hours early for the party. That make-up is tricky.
JB – Thank you Mr. President. I’ll be there seven hours early.
PT – (hanging up the phone) I wonder if I should have mentioned the seltzer and whip cream pies? Ahhh, he’ll figure it out. Gee, I wonder if I can get the monkey that flings his poo. Kids love that stuff. Well, I do anyway. Boy, Jeb is gonna be the whole blooper reel at this rate.