The Absolutely Final, Last Stand of the Losers, 2020 Democratic Kamikaze Debate

Dramatis Personae: Bernie Sanders (BP); Joe Biden (JB); Elizabeth Warren (EW); Amy Klobuchar (AK); Mike Bloomberg (MB); Mystery Candidate (MC); Christiane Amanpour (CA); Rudy Giuliani (RG); Joy Reid (JR); Anderson Cooper (AC); Rachel Maddow (RM);

 

(Scene 1: Inside the media booth at the final Democratic Debate in San Francisco)

 

CA – Hello, I’m Christiane Amanpour with my interesting British accent, and we’re here at the final 2020 Democratic Presidential Debate in beautiful San Francisco, California.

RG – Beautiful?  You call trying to navigate around a sidewalk festooned with human feces and vomit beautiful?  Christiane, that’s some weird alternate reality you live in.

CA – And as you can see and hear, I’m joined by the always cantankerous, former Mayor of New York and current attorney for President Trump, Rudy Giuliani.

RG – I can live with cantankerous.

CA – And we’ll be here to see who will step up and try to knock Bernie Sanders off his trajectory of winning the Democratic Presidential Nomination.

RG – Actually I’m here for the laughs.  These losers are trying to stop the Crazy Party from nominating the King of the Lunatics.  That seems to be an impossibility.

CA – Despite Rudy’s penchant for Right Wing propaganda, it will be interesting to see if the more moderate candidates attempt to make an issue of Bernie Sanders flirtation with socialism.

RG – Flirtation?  I would say that it was consummated to use a polite word.  To continue your analogy, if this were seventy years ago, we’d be seeing a shotgun wedding between Bernie and Communism.

CA – Well, enough of this banter.  Let’s go to the debate stage.  The seven candidates are now advancing to their podiums and the moderators are seated.  We have CNN’s Anderson Cooper and MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow and Joy Reid.

RG – Ah yes, the voices of reason.  Where did I put my barf bag?

 

(Scene 2: Wide shot of the moderators and candidates on the debate stage)

 

JR – I’m Joy Reid and welcome to the audience here at the Palace of Fine Arts here in vibrant San Francisco.

(A voice from the audience gives a loud bitter laugh and an epithet.  A struggle is seen in the audience and a man is tased and carried away.)

JR – Spirits are high and let’s meet our panel and the candidates.  I’m joined by my colleagues Rachel Maddow and Anderson Cooper who know in their hearts that that wasn’t me who allegedly said those homophobic remarks all those years ago because that is not who I am.

(Maddow and Cooper glare at her over rigid smiles.)

JR – And here are the 2020 Democratic Presidential Candidates.  In decreasing order of electoral relevance, Senator Bernie Sanders, the socialist democrat from Vermont; Mayor Mike Bloomberg of New York City; Vice President Joe Biden of Delaware; Mayor Pete Buttigieg of South Bend Indiana; Senator Elizabeth Warren of Massachusetts; Senator Amy Klobuchar of Minnesota; Billionaire Tom Steyer of San Francisco California.  Welcome all of you or Zae, Zee, Zi, Zo, Zou and sometimes Zy.

(The candidates look confused and mumble some replies.)

RM – Hey wait a minute, that’s not Tom Steyer there at the loser end of the podium.  It’s a masked intruder in an ill-fitting white pantsuit!

MC – That’s right Rachel Maddow, I am the “mystery candidate” and Tom Steyer has voluntarily surrendered his place on the stage and his billion-dollar fortune to me in my run for the presidency.

AC – But that’s nonsense.  This is the end of the campaign and there’s no way that can be justified under the rules of the debate or the DNC campaign requirements.

BP – Wanna bet Anderson?  How do you think they justified screwing me out of the nomination last time?

RM – Alright but why the mask?  You’re obviously Hillary Clinton and you’re not fooling anyone.

MC – That’s ridiculous!  Hillary Clinton is so beloved by the people that she would never disguise herself.  It would be throwing away her natural advantage.

RM – If that’s so how come you lost the last two times you ran.

MC – That’s a damn lie.  The Russians stole the election from me.  … I mean from her.

JR – Alright, whatever, we don’t have all night let’s move on and get this show on the road.

AC – The first question will be answered by all the candidates.  Why do you want to be President of the United States of America?  Senator Sanders?

BS – I wanna say that when I am President the first order of business will be to make the minimum wage $500 dollars an hour.  That way all Americans will be earning a million dollars a year.  Then I will make the tax on the million-dollar bracket 100%.  That will flood the treasury with cash and balance the budget.  I would seize all businesses and nationalize them and all profits would be divided equally by all the people.  And finally, I would declare all humans and some primates American citizens and allow them all to enjoy the fruits of this land.  To each according to his needs and from each according to his abilities.

RM – Hey that’s misogynist!  You should have said her or at least their.

BS – Yes, that’s what I should have said.  But, I am very old, you know.

MB – Hey can I say something in rebuttal?

AC – Well Mayor Bloomberg, it’s your turn to answer the question.  If you want to discuss Senator Sander’s answer feel free.

MB- Thanks.  Bernie Sanders is a dangerous lunatic.  What he just laid out was a delusional plan that would bankrupt the country and collapse the financial system of the entire planet.  I can’t actually calculate how bad it would be but I guess that tens of millions would starve in the first few months and the urban areas would devolve into cannibalism within the first year.  Shortly after that the Chinese would invade and occupy the more desirable farming and mining areas and allow the rest to revert to primitive tribalism.

BS – This bloated plutocrat is lying.  He has grown fat on the forced labor of the lumpen proletariat.

MB – Hey looks who’s talking about bloated and fat.  I keep my weight at a very optimal point and you look pretty flabby to me Mr. Millionaire Communist.

BS – Liar, I’m a Democratic Socialist!  And a millionaire isn’t a billionaire like you!

MB – Socialist, Communist.  Potato, pattata.

AC – Well Mayor Bloomberg, you’ve critiqued your opponent’s plan.  What is you reason for running?

MB – I see the most urgent threat that America is faced with is what to do about the “Big Gulp.”  Are you aware that the fifty-ounce beverage is killing more Americans each year than cancer and opioids combined?  And also, the average American butt size has increased by eleven inches over the last twenty years.  I am on a crusade to bring health and longevity to the people of this great country.  Once my War on gulps is victorious, I intend to go after the Big Mac, the Whopper and, God willing, the all you can eat Lobster Fest at Red Lobster.

AC – Well I see what you mean about butt size.  It’s a pet peeve of mine too.  Well Mr. Vice President, it’s your turn.

JB – You know when I was the right-hand man of a certain clean articulate President named Barack Obama, I suppose you remember him, he said to me, he said, “Joe, old friend, what can be done to stop the Big Gulp?”  Well I drew up a plan and pushed through the legislation in record time and that’s how we defeated the Big Gulp.

MB – That never happened.

JB – Listen you lying, dog-faced pony soldier, why don’t we have a push up contest or go out behind the barn and decide this the old-fashioned way with chains and straight razors.

AC – Please Mr. Vice President, try to stay on track.

JB – Well as I was saying, back last year when I was Vice President, I set up the program that made the minimum wage $500 an hour and that’s how we ended poverty in our lifetime.

(Stunned silence descends on the stage and crowd.)

AC – While the former Vice President is being escorted to the emergency room for treatment, can you tell us your reason for being President, Mayor Buttigieg.

PB – Thank you Anderson, we all acknowledge the terrible struggle you’ve endured at the hands of the rampant homophobia that is America’s scourge.  I too have tasted the whiplash sting of its cruelty.

AC – Ahhhh?  You do know I’m a Vanderbilt and have hundreds of millions of dollars, right?

PB – No amount of wealth can make up for the whiplash sting of cruelty.

AC – Sure, but it really helps, don’t you think?

PB – Well, maybe.  Anyway, my priority will be ensuring that every American child knows the name and correct pronunciation for the names of all the Latin American dictators, uhhh … I mean leaders in our hemisphere.

AK – Screw you, you little jerk.

AC – Please Senator Klobuchar, your turn isn’t next.

AK – He sucks!

PB – Homophobe!

AK – Ahhh, grow a pair you little weasel!

AC – Please, please!  Let’s get back to business.  Senator Warren it’s your turn.

EW – Thank you Anderson.  One of the most important parts of my candidacy is bringing a woman’s perspective to the presidency.  Women are the practical money handlers in their families.  We know how to avoid debt and live within our means.  Looking at Senator Sanders’ ridiculous proposal it doesn’t take a CPA to see that a $500 an hour minimum wage is insanity.  The fact that he doesn’t recognize its absurdity is proof of his unfitness to be President.  Applying a real-world perspective along with a woman’s social justice instincts points to a minimum wage that is absolutely no higher than $450 an hour.

MB – Is it too late for me to get a MAGA hat?

AC – Alright let’s hang in there for a few more minutes. This thing is almost over.  Senator Klobuchar have you got some brief comments you’d like to make.

AK – You betcha.  I can’t win this thing.  I’m too close to normal.  What I would like to do is throw something at that little weasel Buttigieg.  If someone will just hold him for a second, I’ll kick his skinny little butt.

AC – Security please escort Senator Klobuchar from the stage and get Mayor Pete some smelling salts.  Alright, “Mystery Candidate,” would you like a shot at the question?

MC – I’d be delighted Anderson.  For all of my life I’ve strived to educate the American people about their unworthiness and what they needed to do to atone for their sins.  And at the top of that list is making me their President.  I’ve suffered as no other woman ever has.  I’ve been ridiculed for my looks, my weight, my voice, my husband’s womanizing and for the very large number of coincidental suicides that seem to occur all around me.  I want to be President so that all this persecution will end.  I will set up a Presidential tribunal that will adjudicate all these capitol offenses fairly and once these people have been brought to justice, I intend to eliminate the 22nd amendment by executive order and give the United States the permanent and hereditary leadership it has always deserved.

AC – Okay, I think my colleagues will agree to skip their questioning so that we can escape before the voters storm this building and drag us off to Alcatraz for summary execution.  I apologize heartily to the American people and promise to find a real job where I can atone for my connection to this lunatic asylum.

(Scene 3: Inside the media booth)

RG – Well there you have it.  Christiane Amanpour has fled the building with Joe Biden in hot pursuit trying to grab her shoulders and smell her hair.  I haven’t had such a good time since the Yankees won the World Series from the Mets in 2000.  Well anyway, it doesn’t look like there’ll be much drama in November but I suppose that’s best for the country.  But I hope you’ve enjoyed the show.  Sorry it couldn’t have gone longer but these people really do need to get back to the hospital.  Good night and Keep America Great in November.

No Predictions for 2020, Just Some Thoughts

2019 was a momentous year.  We saw the Mueller investigation fizzle out hilariously.  All the progs were so mournful and confused.  Where was their Russian collusion?  Where was the smoking gun?  Ah, so sad.

We saw a new Attorney General state on the record that the Trump campaign was spied on.  And we saw him assign a special prosecutor to find out whether criminality was involved.  And now that prosecutor, John Durham, has answered that question, a criminal investigation is in process.  The Coup is upset that Durham hasn’t toed the line that Inspector General Horowitz followed when he said mistakes were made but he couldn’t prove criminality.  Durham has followed a bunch of threads back to the guilty and their bosses and it looks like we’ll see some indictments soon.

I’ll go out on a limb here and say that Kevin Clinesmith will either turn state’s evidence or be indicted very soon.  If he turns, then we should hear about an indictment of some of the bigger fish within a month or two.  So, either way at least one indictment by March 1st.

We’ve had a chance to get to know the Democrat Presidential Candidates both the minor players and the bigger names.  It is truly a remarkable collection.  And it’s not clear whether the most notable fact is the mediocrity of their intellects or the lunacy of their platforms.  Can you imagine Joe Biden or Kamala Harris on the same stage with Jack Kennedy and Richard Nixon?  Can you imagine Dwight Eisenhower debating foreign and domestic policy with Fauxcahantas and Butt Pete?  Even FDR, the man who introduced social security would laugh Bernie Sanders off the stage.

Initially I was sure that Creepy Uncle Joe Biden would be the nominee.  But when he was slapped around by Harris and eclipsed by Warren in the early state polls and after the Ukraine stuff started coming out, I figured his goose was cooked.  Well months have gone by and even though he’s trailing in Iowa and New Hampshire he still leads in the Super Tuesday races and in the national poll so at this point I won’t say who will emerge from the clown car as victor.  But it truly has been a wonderful experience to see just how awful the Dem candidates truly are.  Sure, they reflect the values and priorities of the far-left vanguard of their party but even the moderates are so out of step with the mainstream that even the center left independents will be horrified at what will be their alternative to President Trump.  And forget about the Rust Belt.  That will be ours.  So, I look forward to continued comedy and optimism watching the Democrat train wreck.

And even the Pelosi Impeachment has been an encouraging sight.  The Rust Belt has shrugged it off or even used it as a justification for voting for the President.  The rest of the country basically is where it always has been.  Our voters are unimpressed with the spectacle Crazy Nancy has created and in fact it looks like the thirty House seats with Democrat incumbents in districts that voted for President Trump are in a lot of trouble.  The potential to flip the House is real.  That is something to consider.

Several big court cases are in front of the SCOTUS.  It should be instructive to see if Roberts really is an honest constitutionalist or a ringer for the left.  We’ll probably find that out pretty soon.  Also going on in the Supreme Court is the status of Justice Ginsburg.  She is presently suffering from metastatic cancer.  She has had cancerous tumors removed from her colon, lungs and twice from her pancreas.  It doesn’t mean she will succumb from this condition any time in the next few years but it is extremely debilitating for even a young person to stand up under the side effects of the treatments these conditions require.  It would not be surprising for her to step down very soon to spend her remaining time with her loved ones.  In that event, a replacement of Justice Ginsburg by President Trump would definitively put the Supreme Court beyond even Roberts’ ability to swing left.  That would be worth seeing.

We will be able to follow the Brexit process and I fully expect that Boris Johnson will cut a desirable deal with the EU that frees Britain from the irksome legislative control of Brussels and puts immigration control back in Parliament’s hands.  I fully expect Johnson and Trump will find plenty of common ground in a trade deal between their two countries.

And finally, we will have the spectacle of the Presidential General Election.  I expect that President Trump will demand a better debate landscape than his predecessors agreed to.  He should refuse to allow only the usual leftists to ask the questions?  Wouldn’t it be a hoot if some of the good guys were given a spot on the panel.  How about Tucker Carlson and Michael Anton?  Honestly, I expect the President to win with a larger electoral vote count than in 2016.  I think he’ll add Minnesota to his tally and maybe even Nevada.

So, you can see 2020 will be a chock full of drama, comedy and consequence.  Stay tuned.

The Democrat Donors are Starting to Panic Over the 2020 Field of Candidates

The Big Money donors are a powerful force in Democrat politics and lately when they get together they can be heard saying, “isn’t there anyone better than this to bring into the race?”  Apparently the top three candidates, Biden, Warren and Sanders don’t inspire much confidence in the bag men.

And who can blame them?  Warren and Sanders are communists who, among other things, have signed onto healthcare proposals that promise to eliminate all private health insurance.  After the debacle of Obamacare even lefties know that the majority of Americans will view this as a deal breaker.  In addition, several of these donors represent the Tech Giants and Warren has been vowing to break up Google and Facebook so you can imagine they’re not thrilled with the prospect of paying through the nose for someone who wants to put them out of business.

And then there’s Creepy Uncle Joe.  Even if you refuse to believe that his crooked son was obviously cashing in on his father’s influence as Vice President during the Ukraine debacle it would be impossible to miss the fact that Joe is working with less than a full deck of cards at this point.  The money men are probably dreading the prospect of a general election debate between Joe the Human Gaffe Machine and the Trump Buzzsaw.

As for the rest of the field of midgets, none of them are polling above three percent in the polls.  And the ones that are even slightly less crazy than the front-runners are even lower down than three percent.  They’re in the fractional percentage range.

This has spawned panicky calls to draft Hillary Clinton, Michael Bloomberg, Michelle Obama, John Kerry or even Oprah Winfrey.

I fully expect that during this holiday season a call will go out to draft Santa Claus if he can be convinced to renounce Christianity.

This is a delicious moment.  With Hillary Clinton denouncing one of the candidates, Tulsi Gabbard, as a Russian agent I can imagine a scenario where the Trump campaign donates money to a Draft Hillary PAC to ensure she gets her chance to do the maximum damage to the whole Democrat establishment.

Seriously, many people thought that the 2020 Democrat field was a sacrificial offering intended to eliminate the old and insane to clear the decks for 2024.  If that is the case, mission accomplished.  If the general election turns out to be the debacle it’s shaping up to become, the Dems may rethink the whole resistance thing and put a brave face on a “loyal opposition” con.

But what isn’t clear is how much of a coattail effect President Trump can have in the House and Senate.  The Republican boobs in those two august bodies have proven themselves almost superhumanly capable of screwing up all of the opportunities that President Trump has presented them with over the course of his term.  I only hope that some much less-stupid people step forward and present themselves as allies of the President and thereby benefit from his popularity with real people.  Anyway, that’s what I hope.  But my fondest wish is that Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan go over to the Democrat side and help them with all the special skills they possess.  That should be enough to give us a supermajority in both houses of Congress.

 

 

Notes on the Fourth Democrat Debate – Liarwatha Buries the Competition

I tuned into about forty-five minutes of the fourth debate tonight.  Fauxcahantas smoked her cracked brain competition.  And she did it with a populist message that will resonate a lot more with the general public than the goofball bleating of her fellow liars.  Granted she’s just as dishonest and dangerous to the health and wealth of this country but she can at least sound coherent when she describes the globalist corporate madness that has bankrupted this nation.  She will be dangerous in the general election.

Creepy Uncle Joe gaffed his way through a number of talking points that in a way was impressive.  He combined short term memory failures with a certain folksy glibness that’s almost remarkable.  And based on the incoherence of the other mental midgets around him it was somewhat entertaining.

Bernie was his old irascible self.  He did not appear weak or ill or confused.  He gave of his best and that best is the promise of more and more socialism until even Stalin would say uncle.  One thing he was vehement about was that billionaires are going to get it in the neck.  Billionaire Tom Steyer agreed and promised to tax himself out of existence.

And all of the rest of the dwarves agreed.  Now if they could guarantee that Amazon, Facebook and Twitter were at the front of that line I think I could come around to agreeing to that campaign plank.  But honestly, I’d much prefer we just broke up those lefty monopolies altogether.

When healthcare was being discussed Harris and Spartacus reminded us that pro-life legislature was curtailing the activities of Planned Parenthood and she claimed that meant women of color would die.  She never mentioned that it might mean a lot of babies of color might live.  But there was nobody there who cared about that.

Pete Butt actually said a few sensible things.  When the talk about bringing jobs back from Mexico had Fauxcahantas and Beto waxing poetic Mayor Pete reminded everybody that President Trump was elected in part because he said he would do something about lost jobs that everybody else said were gone forever.  Honesty at a Democratic Primary Debate?  Well he claims he’s very religious, maybe that was a Gay Christian Hail Mary Pass.  Might get him to three percent.

Andrew Yang says he’ll give everyone a thousand bucks a month to quit the jobs they don’t like.  Tulsi Gabbard acted worried and empathetic about everything.  Damned if I can remember what Amy Klobuchar and Julián Castro said.  I doubt even they know or care.

So, my take away from this debate is that Granny Clampett is a dangerous opponent in the general election.  She has decent debate skills and she will spout a populist message that has many attractive points.  Luckily, she has a track record of lying about her intentions.  And that is where I think she needs to be attacked.  Fauxcahantas and Liarwatha are the perfect names to use when attacking her on the screen.  Her use of deceit for personal gain is documented and is sure to alienate the minority vote that she will so desperately need in the general election.

President Trump, invite Massachusetts journalist Howie Carr up to the White House and let him give you his fifty favorite Fake Indian stories and then pick the best of the best for the 2020 campaign commercials.  That should be about right.

 

 

 

The Democrat Platform – Such as It Is in September 2019

We’re still a year out from the Democratic 2020 National Convention so it’s not entirely accurate to say we know what the platform will be for the Democrat Presidential election.  And it’s very likely that the nominee will backpedal like mad next year from some of the positions they all took at the recent debates.  But let’s look at where we are right now.

All the candidates are in favor of health care coverage for illegal aliens.  All want a Medicare for all program.  All of them want to empty out the prisons.  All of them want a multi-trillion-dollar slavery reparations law.  All of them want to seize guns from the populace.  All of them think that the only criminal activity that the police should concentrate on is white supremacists committing hate crimes.  All of them think President Trump is actually Hitler.

Isn’t that enough?  I think it is.

My bet is still that Biden will be the nominee.  From the Democrat’s point of view he is the least exciting candidate because he’s old and male and white.  But deep down in their hearts they know that as crazy as Creepy Uncle Joe is, he can’t hold a candle to the outright lunacy that lives in the likes of Elizabeth Warren or Bernie Sanders or Kamala Harris who back the Green New Deal initiative.  With this initiative, it’s not just that we’ll be wasting money so quickly that we might as well be heating our homes by burning hundred dollar bills it’s that we will be deprived of being able to drive our cars to get to work or heat our homes.  They will artificially raise the cost of hydrocarbon fuels to the point where we won’t be able to live where and how we want to.  Eventually you’ll have to live where mass transportation and public housing is provided and you’ll live under the laws that these Democrat jurisdictions vote for and you’ll have to let your kids be indoctrinated under the social programs endemic there.  Even Democrats don’t really want to live like that so in the deepest depths of their minds they know these candidates will go down in flames in the general election.

So, let’s assume it will be Joe, because these craziest kinds of policies will be non-starters in the general election.  Joe will paint his Medicaid for All as a voluntary program where “if you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor” (wink, wink, nudge, nudge).  And he will talk about how he likes to go duck hunting and reasonable gun control is as American as apple pie.  And he will assure us that the time has come to finally reach a conclusion to the suffering of black Americans from the after effects of slavery.  And that President Trump has enflamed the hearts of Americans with his intolerant rhetoric.

Well, I don’t think that any of that stuff compares to a good economy.  All President Trump has to do is remind voters that the last time they heard about health care from Obama and Biden they were handed Obamacare as the be all and end all of healthcare, a regular panacea that eliminated pre-existing condition requirements and covered everyone.  Ha!

And as far as enflaming hearts it won’t take much to remind them of burning police cars in Baltimore and the Black Lives Matters thugs shooting police officers down in the streets.  And Obama taking sides in the Treyvon Martin and Michael Brown cases despite the obvious evidence that neither of these men were victims of anything but their own criminality.

Biden is indeed the most likely candidate to come close for the Democrats.  He’ll use his connection to the Obama presidency to pump up the black vote and his moderate (for a Democrat) stances on some issues will scare off the least number of normal voters but I don’t think he’ll do all that well in the general election.  At least he shouldn’t.  There’s just too much video evidence of all the stupid and crazy positions he’s taken over the last few decades.  Think of some of these Obama-era skeletons being featured in a two-minute commercial.  And that’s not even counting the financial dirt that is out there with his son taking money from Ukrainian interests for influence peddling to the old man.  And finally, with the terrible performance Biden has displayed during the recent debates I can’t imagine that he will fare well against the President.  Therefore, unless the economy tanks, Joe’s toast.

So, my thought here is that the Democrat Platform and even the most moderate of the Democrat candidates may have finally reached the point where the American people have to just say no to them.  And that is a good thing.