Tag: Independence Day

We’ve Found ET?

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So, some former military guy says the government has UFO’s and dead aliens.  Sure, why not?  It’s no stranger than all the other lies the feds tell us.  So, is this the distraction that’s supposed to get us through the Silly Season this summer while we learn how much gasoline will cost and how much cricket dust will be added to the hamburger we’ll be eating?

Personally I don’t believe it at all.  Let me know what you think of all this, below.

Have extraterrestrial ships and creatures been found by the feds?

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Intelligence Officials Say U.S. Has Retrieved Craft of Non-Human Origin

 

The Fourth of July Is All Ours

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Independence Day is a movie that I have spent a goodly number of hours mocking.  And rightly so.  One of my favorite targets is that truly annoying paeon to globalism when President Whitmore declares that because all of humanity is under attack and the final battle will be fought on July 4th that from now on the Fourth of July will no longer be an American holiday but will be the Independence Day for the whole world.

I think it’s interesting that instead of that reality we live in a world where a large swath of Americans is now rejecting the Fourth of July as being racist and therefore un-American.  Just as the American flag is now racist and to be avoided so too is our Independence Day.  To the Left, the true Independence Day is Juneteenth.  This goes along with their idea that America wasn’t founded in 1776 but in 1619 when slaves reached the colonies.

I think that’s great.  It suits me to a tee.  I prefer not to have to share the Fourth of July with these losers anyway.  It goes along with all the other things which now are forbidden to them but we can celebrate exclusively and joyously.  Christopher Columbus, Magellan, Henry Hudson, George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Franklin, Patrick Henry, Andrew Jackson, Lewis and Clark, Abraham Lincoln, Ulysses S. Grant, Jefferson Davis, Robert E. Lee, Stonewall Jackson, Jeb Stuart, Henry Ford, Alexander Graham Bell, Thomas Alva Edison, The Wright Brothers, Theodore Roosevelt, John J. Pershing, George S. Patton, Dwight D. Eisenhower, Chuck Yeager, Neil Armstrong, Ronald Reagan and countless other great men who created a new world that inherited the Renaissance civilization from Europe and brought it to unparalleled heights in the formation of the United States of America.  These are the people we read about in our history classes before the revisionists vilified them and replaced them with nobodies that fit better into the race and gender categories that they hoped to fill in their false history of our founding.

And I look forward to passing along all the details of how our country was actually built.  And I won’t care about cataloging some of the darker incidents of our story.  The cruelty and the war; the greed and the foolishness of some of the pages in our story.  These things are human and looking at the whole course of human history I can say without fear of contradiction that the American chapter is the brightest and best part of the whole story.

So, rejoice my fellow Americans.  And be glad that only true Americans now celebrate the Fourth of July and honor the lives of all the great men who built this land and made possible this most remarkable nation in all the history of humanity and anywhere on God’s green Earth.  Gather together with your friends and family and grill some steaks or barbecue some burgers and dogs and eat your potato salad and watermelon and drink your beer and lemonade and have a baseball catch with the kids and jump in the pool and sit around and have some ice cream and watch the fireworks.  And remember the Fourth of July when you were ten and tell your kids or grandkids about it.

I find it liberating to no longer make believe we are one people with a changing understanding of “who we are.”  In reality we are one nation, the American people, that still believes all the things we always believed.  And alongside this nation there is a hodge-podge of outsiders who do not want to belong.  They have formed a coalition for the sake of trying to disinherit the Americans by convincing us that we are evil undeserving racists.  But they have shown their hand too soon and the mask is off.  They hate us and they are not part of us.  We owe them nothing and we no longer have to accommodate them.  They are a separate thing from us and deserve none of our sympathy or consideration.  The only thing they require is our caution to avoid being harmed by their malice.

So, enjoy the Fourth and flaunt your happiness about it with your fellow Americans, especially in front of those who despise this country and its true history.  It’s your holiday and your birthright.

04JUL2019 – OCF Update – Happy Fourth of July

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Just a quick update.  I’m, of course, going to a family barbecue today.  But I’m off for a couple of weeks and will use the time to test out some lenses I’ve rented the following lenses:

Sony FE 100-400mm f/4.5-5.6 GM OSS and the Sony 1.4 and 2.0 teleconverters and the

Mitakon SpeedMaster 50mm f/0.95 Lens for Sony E.

I hope to have some interesting conclusions about these two products.  I’ve been looking for a telephoto and think the 100-400 might be a more useful lens that the 200-600 that is coming out next month.  And the 50mm 0.95 is probably not something I need but it might be fun to have such an extremely thin plane of focus in certain shots.

Shatner-Khan was postponed due to illness but I have plans to publish important original research on the subject in the weeks ahead.

And I plan to eat my share of hot dogs, hamburgers, corn on the cob (hand shucked!) and watermelon in the days to come.  To all of you enjoy our Independence Day and make sure that your children and grandchildren know the truth and don’t let them be misled by the Colin Kaepernicks and Nikes of the world.  We had to separate ourselves from tyranny once before and we can do it again.  In fact just by how we think of these people, we already have.

Here’s a little reminder.

In CONGRESS, July 4, 1776.

The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen United States of America,
When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.

Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.

He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.

He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.

He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their Public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.

He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness of his invasions on the rights of the people.

He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected, whereby the Legislative Powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.

He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.

He has obstructed the Administration of Justice by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary Powers.

He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.

He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people and eat out their substance.

He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.

He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil Power.

He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:

For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:

For protecting them, by a mock Trial from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:

For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:

For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:

For depriving us in many cases, of the benefit of Trial by Jury:

For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences:

For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies

For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:

For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.

He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.

He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.

He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation, and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & Perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.

He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.

He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these united Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.

New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts: Samuel Adams, John Adams, John Hancock, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery
Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott
New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris
New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross
Delaware: George Read, Caesar Rodney, Thomas McKean
Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton
North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn
South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton
Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton

 

 

Independence Day – A Science Fiction Movie Review

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I have never reviewed the movie Independence Day.  It may seem as though I have because I have used the movie setting as the background for four parts of a Trump vs Independence Day post.  In any case it’s time for me to rectify the deficiency.  I’ll start out by declaring that I have a love/hate relationship with the film.  There are numerous strengths and weaknesses to the movie that cry out for mention.  So, let’s do that.

The concept of Earth being invaded by space-aliens intent on exterminating the human race is almost as old as science fiction itself.  H. G. Wells wrote War of the Worlds well over a hundred years ago.  In the era of modern science fiction the concept has been done and redone.  And there have been two film versions of War of the Worlds.  But Independence Day broke new ground in the tradition.  By the 1990s special effects had progressed far enough along so that the images from Independence Day of New York, Washington and Los Angeles being obliterated were groundbreaking in their impact.  Seeing the energy weapon explode the Empire State Building and then unleash a super-heated shock wave throughout Manhattan was at the time remarkable.  Even today, the destruction scenes are visually impressive.  The visual effects for the alien ship are also well done.  The aliens themselves I would say are more of a mixed bag.  They have some interesting features but just didn’t seem all that scary.  All in all, I’d say that the CGI and other technical effects stand up pretty well to present day expectations.

Next up is the cast.  Will Smith, who plays Marine pilot Capt. Steve Hiller, would of course now be considered the biggest name in the cast.  Back then though, Jeff Goldblum coming off his part in Jurassic Park would have been the more prominent star.  He plays David Levinson an electronics genius and ex-husband of President Pullman’s Chief of Staff.  Both of these guys get plenty of screen time.  Bill Pullman plays President Tom Whitmore and has about equal importance with Smith and Goldblum in the story line.  Other memorable parts are portrayed by Randy Quaid as Russell Casse, Robert Loggia as General Grey, Adam Baldwin as Major Mitchell and Judd Hirsch as Julius Levinson, David’s father.  Most of the humor in the movie are provided by Randy Quaid and Judd Hirsch but there is a general humorous atmosphere in the film despite the catastrophic nature of the action.

The plot of the movie has an enormous alien space craft arriving in earth orbit from which smaller city-sized ships fly down and hover over Washington D.C, New York City and Los Angeles in the United States and the other largest cities around the world.  David Levinson figures out that the space craft is preparing to launch a simultaneous attack on all the target cities around the world.  Once the attack destroys these cities the President and his advisors counter-attack with military aircraft but the alien ships have force fields that turn the counter attack into a disaster.  After this the personal stories of the three main characters and their loved ones are skillfully blended with the race to find some way to stop the aliens from systematically wiping out the entire human race.  And of course, the decisive battle occurs on the Fourth of July.

So, what’s the verdict?  As I mentioned at the beginning I have a love/hate relationship with the film.  But on balance I consider the movie a success.  The cast is for the most part likeable.  The plot is undeniably exciting.  And the resolution is almost completely satisfying.  I have some quibbles about messaging by the David Levinson character about the use of nuclear weapons and environmental crap.  And the President gets a little too globalist during the pep speech before the world-wide battle at the end of the movie.  Saying that from now on the Fourth of July would be a world-wide holiday was pretty annoying.  But for the most part it’s a good movie and has lots of great action, heroism and even some excellent comedy.  Highly recommended.

Scientists Real and Imagined – Part 2

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Re-posted from 2017 in honor of Halloween

In the first installment of this post I documented my education into the real world of scientists, how they saved the world from giant mutated insects and invented important stuff like flying cars. That time period was the 1960s. It was a carefree time full of youthful high jinx such as race riots and the Manson Family. Fast forward thirty years to 1993. A little movie came out called Matinee. It was about the 1960s. The movie employs a device that I like to call “a movie within a movie.” It’s called that because within the movie you are watching there is a movie being watched by the characters in the movie! It’s a wild concept.

The name of this internal movie is MANT. That’s a portmanteau for man-ant. The eponymous victim of this movie has been transformed from a man into a hybrid man/ ant creature. Once again radiation is involved and eventually the MANT reaches gigantic proportions. And right on schedule arrives the scientist that has glasses and a beard and explains all the technical jargon about this scientific problem. And by an amazing coincidence it’s our old friend Dr. “You’re Wiser Than We Are” from “The Thing from Another World” (Robert Cornthwaite). I mean, what are the odds? He makes such valuable pronouncements as “human/insect mutations are far from an exact science” and “My friend, you’ve suffered some of the worst that our little friend the atom has to offer. It can power a city or level it!”

I was fascinated by the changes I noted in Cornthwaite between the time he was in “The Thing” and “Mant”. No longer was he sympathetic toward the monsters. His allegiance had shifted back to humanity. I attributed this change to the smoldering resentment he felt after the Thing back-handed him into a wall in the earlier movie. Such ingratitude by the monster pushed our friend back into the Humanity First camp once again. I knew this was valuable information. I wrote it down!
Outside of the movie Mant (but inside of Matinee) a teenage girl (played by Lisa Jakub) is swept up in the drama surrounding the Cuban Missile Crisis (and the premiere of Mant) in the southern Florida town of Key West. This girl is the daughter of beatniks and she has her world view changed by exposure to a young Navy brat who also happens to like horror movies. When the movie ends Lisa has gotten over her prejudices against military families and monster movies. What does this have to do with this post? Well it does link us back to the military but hang in there. I have another half-baked segue coming up.
Fast forward to 1998 and a blockbuster called Independence Day erupts onto the cinematic stage. Now it just so happens that there is an ex-Navy pilot named Russel Kay and by a strange coincidence (or is it) his daughter is played by Lisa Jakub! But her love of a navy brat in the last movie has landed her in this movie in a family headed by a delusional alcoholic ex-military flier. Although it’s not apparent how she feels about horror movies she definitely suffers some of the worst of what our friends the aliens have to offer. In Independence Day, the role of scientist is handled by Jeff Goldblum. He is an environmentalist computer scientist who’s always worried about recycling and is totally opposed to nuking the aliens. He’s worried that fallout is worse than extermination of the entire human race by death rays. But by the end of the movie he comes around and cheerfully nukes the aliens on their home base.
I was thinking of dragging this forward by following President Whitmore forward into Lake Placid (well the crocodile is very large) or following Jeff Goldblum into Jurassic Park and Independence Day 2 which has all kinds of scientific mumbo-jumbo and giant creatures but I’m getting tired.
Suffice it to say that even really stupid people and fat-headed scientists can see reality if monsters and giant insects start slapping them around.
And now my patient readers, the payoff.
All of this research has allowed me to formulate a unified theory of scientific behavior. Apparently all scientists are morons and can only learn about reality by being hit over the head by it. Therefore, I propose a new policy. Whenever a scientist dictates a policy based on fat-headed stupidity he should be forced to endure the solution himself until he either sees the error of his way or dies from the paradox of settled science.
For instance, if a climate scientist declares CO2 the death of the planet then he should not produce any of it himself. Now, I don’t propose that he cease breathing. Even though technically respiration is nothing but exchanging O2 for CO2. Let’s just let him slide on the breathing. But that’s all. No internal combustion engines or heating systems or electricity. In fact, nothing produced by technology supported by the industrial revolution. So that also eliminates batteries and solar cells and everything else made in a factory. And finally, I remind everyone that burning coal or oil or even wood produces CO2. So, this scientist is telling us to give up every bit of science going all the way back to the paleolithic age. So, let us limit our friend the scientist to killing fur-bearing animals and eating their flesh and wearing their pelts for warmth. Of course, he’s probably a vegan but we all have to make compromises when inconsistencies crop up.
That’s my plan in a nutshell. It should be amusing to see Al Gore dressed like Fred Flintstone and trying to catch a squirrel for breakfast.

Trump vs Independence Day Redux – Part 4

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Trump vs Independence Day Redux – Part 3

 

Scene 1 – Bridge of the USS Ronald Reagan off the shore from Washington D.C., Thursday 1155 hours.  Present on the bridge are crew of the USSRR and President Trump (PT), General Adam Baldwin (GAD), Secretary Mattis (SM), Melania Trump (MT), Peter Thiel (PTh)

PT- General Baldwin, are we ready to implement the Musk protocol?

GAD – On your command, sir.

PT – Go!

(General Baldwin flips three switches on a panel on his desk console)

GAD – Cruise missile with explosive warhead will impact in twenty seconds.  Cruise missile with tantalum slug will impact 3 seconds after.  One megaton thermonuclear device is awaiting your command.

PT – Go!

(Baldwin flips a fourth switch)

GAD – Nuke will detonate in two minutes.  Flash guards are in place.  Prepare for turbulence.

(two minutes later the aircraft carrier is buffeted by a shock wave that knocks several of those standing to the floor)

PT – General, what is the status of the target?

(several service personnel cluster in front of an instrument panel attempting to restore the main console to life.  Slowly an image appears as the mushroom cloud clears away.  the ship remains in place)

GAD – Negative result.  The target remains.

PT – Mattis, where is Musk?

SM – As you anticipated, he escaped on his private aircraft shortly after your … erm … morale boosting speech.  His aircraft was admitted to the alien space ship a little while before the launch of your attack.

PT – What is the status of the space ship?

GAD – Radar shows the ship is in motion on a heading that will put it above us in five minutes.

PT – Put in a call to the “negotiations team”

(on the main console can be seen Obama, Gore and Musk seated and surrounded by several of the aliens.  the humans are all obviously pleased and quite relaxed)

BO – Well Donald, who could have imagined your presidency ending like this?  Elon said it was easy convincing you that tantalum was the answer.  Sorry it didn’t work out.

PT – So what does the future hold for you three?  Surely your new masters will dispose of you once they finish off the rest of our military.

EM – Far from it.  We have convinced them that we can provide information that will allow them to effectively harness a valuable natural resource, namely a large intelligent slave labor force.  Also, as it turns out, they like to eat meat.

PT – How delightful.  Thiel do your stuff.

Peter Thiel moves over to the main console and the screen splits between the image of the conspirators and a telephoto view of the approaching space craft.  Thiel presses several buttons and throws a switch.  The audio from inside the ship registers a high pitched squeal and the video from that half of the screen goes black.  At the same time on the other half of the screen the ship ceases forward motion and falls out of the sky like a stone.

PTh – Mr. President, the device has successfully disrupted their drive.

PT – General what is the current situation of the space ship?

GAD – Mr. President, the ship is falling at terminal velocity and will strike the Atlantic Ocean surface in a little over two minutes.

PT – Thiel, what do your bright boys think will happen when it hits.  Will the occupants survive?

PTh – Doubtful sir.  Without anti-gravity they will experience an instantaneous  stop from about 100 miles per hour.  And since the ship is not built to support its own weight against gravity it will fracture and sink to the bottom immediately.  Also the contact between the warp drive and sea water will be explosive.  Basically a total loss.

PT – Too bad.  I guess we’ll have to try to save one of the other ships when we take them down.

SM – But Mr. President, we can’t hope to gain admittance to a ship a second time.  They’ll immediately begin to destroy our cities.  And after the failure of the tantalum to disrupt their shield we are helpless to stop them.

PT – Yeah, about that.  Thiel, do the exposition.

PTh – Certainly Mr. President.  Elon was the only traitor on his team.  Tantalum does perform as he said it would.  But Mr Musk substituted another material for tantalum in the slugs he provided us.  Luckily the only other slugs he had were depleted uranium and the low-level radiation was detected and tipped us off to the deception.  When we figured out what was intended we switched Elon’s cell phone with one that would spray molten tantalum all around the control room of the alien spacecraft once triggered.

SM – So we can proceed to attack the other space ships with the tantalum sandwich approach.

PT – Yes.  Hey I like that phrase, tantalum sandwich.  Let’s say I thought it up.

SM – Sure …, …  sir.

PT – Good.  So, here’s the plan.  Get a team together at the Area 51 producing the tantalum tipped cruise missile payloads.  Work out a schedule for taking down the local ships but prioritize taking down the mother ship.  Get it to crash on the moon.  That’s our best hope of providing intact equipment to reverse engineer.  Thiel will tag along with the research team that Musk had and it will be his job to shepherd all this technology so it stays in American hands only.

GAD – But why weren’t they aware of how dangerous tantalum is to their systems and why didn’t they have counter measures?

PTh – The only thing we’ve thought of so far is that the star system these aliens came from did not have all the elements we have here on earth.  Tantalum is a fairly heavy element.  These elements are produced in fairly rare stellar events and they are not equally distributed around the cosmos.  I guess you could say it’s just blind luck.

PT – Alright, Carl Sagan, that’s enough.  Now get to work.

PTh – Yes Mr. President.  (under his breath) (what a jerk).

MT – Oh Schmoopy, you are the action hero.  Like Bruce Willis.

PT – But with better hair!

MT – Ahhh … …, sure.  But Schmoopy, how will we fix all the things the bad aliens have broken?

PT – Don’t worry Schmoopy, with the technology we’ll get from the aliens and my leadership we can make this a better and happier world.  As long as the democrats don’t screw it up again.

MT – So true Schmoopy, so true.  You are the wise man.

PT – And you are a wise woman for knowing it, Schmoopy.

PTh – Now I remember why I’m gay.

PT – Shaddap Thiel.

Trump vs Independence Day Redux – Part 3

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Trump vs Independence Day Redux – Part 2

 

Scene 1: Thursday, 1145 hours USS Ronald Reagan flight deck,  On a raised platform is President Trump (PT), at the microphone, behind him on chairs are various government and military dignitaries and some celebrities and foreign leaders that appear to have been snatched away from their lives without notice.

PT – Okay people it’s time.  In a few minutes the greatest battle ever fought will begin and we will vanquish the evil ugly and reputedly smelly enemy or we will die.  Now I’m not talking about Hillary.  She’s already taken care.  In fact, she’s still bobbing around behind us.  I think she’s still trying to catch up to us but it’s not going to happen, it’s too late.  She’s too low energy.  Forget her.

No, I’m talking about the space aliens.  Have you seen these things?  Sure, they’re not as uncoordinated as Hillary but even she doesn’t smell as bad as these things.  I mean really, it’s awful.  So even if we didn’t have a beef with these guys wanting to steal our planet we still would want to get rid of them because of that smell.  And wouldn’t you know? What are they?  That’s right, illegal aliens.  They’re breaking our laws by being here.  And the aliens aren’t sending us their best probably.  They’re probably criminals without valuable skills.  I mean sure they know about interstellar travel but who needs that?  What’s there?  Probably just more smelly aliens and bad food and food poisoning like Montezuma’s Revenge.  And what do they want?  They want our jobs and to live off of welfare.  Also, they want to blow up all our cities.  Now a lot of those cities didn’t vote for me.  In fact, if there were no more large cities I’d win every election and we’d have enormous majorities in both House and Senate and I’d be able to make all kinds of good changes and we’d get amendments to the Constitution that would be fantastic.  But there wouldn’t be anymore Trump Tower or the Mets or Yankees so there is that.  Well anyway they want to blow up the cities and they want to take all our minerals and water.  So, we’re gonna have to whack all of them.

Now you may say how is Trump gonna do that?  How can he destroy star ships with force fields and giant lasers and antigravity?  Well I can.  I’ve got Elon Musk and he’s got tantalum which is a real thing and he’s figured out what will destroy these alien losers.  Now Musk is not my favorite nerd because he’s all about global warming and electric cars and other stupid things that don’t work.  But that’s because he was getting paid off by Obama who also isn’t my favorite but who I’ve sent to talk to the smelly aliens.  Anyway, I got Thiel who is my favorite geek to talk to Musk and I told him I’d let him wet his beak with whatever we get from the alien ships.  So, he got his nerd factory cranking on Ritalin and they came up with this tantalum thing which is a real thing and not a hoax. But if it is a hoax I’ll tie him to a missile and use his big fat head to knock a hole in the alien ship.  But that won’t be necessary because he knows where his bread is buttered.  So, the plan is in place and now all of you servicemen are going to get to work.  And maybe even some of you servicewomen if you actually know what you’re doing which I doubt.  But just stay out of the guys’ way and maybe make some sandwiches or something and some good strong coffee which always helps in cases like this.  I like pastrami if it’s lean and you have good brown mustard.  But I don’t suppose there’s good deli on this floating airport.  Well anyway, the important thing is we’ve got a big job to do and we’d better get to it.  But remember when you’re working with the missiles and the jets and the boat engines that you’re part of something great.  Because you’re working for me.  That’s right.  Even though you work for a sergeant or a general or an admiral, remember they work for me.  I’m the Commander-in-Chief of all of you.  I sign your check and I make sure you have the bombs you need and the food you eat.  Hillary wouldn’t have given you bombs and food.  She didn’t like the military because she doesn’t like men.  It’s like Rosie O’Donnell only Bill’s Hillary’s beard.  And you don’t work for the Congress.  They can’t even get out of their own way to get the budget done every year.  I mean, Little Marco, Captured McCain, Fauxcahantas, Cryin’ Chuck and Lyin’ Ted?  Give me a break.  And how about JEB!  He couldn’t even deal with human aliens.  He’d probably marry one of these things just to show how fair he is.  And forget about the rest of the world.  Right now, the Europeans and the Russians and Chinese and the rest of those foreigners are getting their clocks cleaned by these goons.  I’m going to take care of this problem for the whole world.  But they won’t even reimburse me for the costs.  I mean, I bet this tantalum stuff ain’t cheap and I know Musk is gonna charge top dollar.  But you have to pay for good help so I’ll fork it over.  It’s a good deal.  So anyway, remember this is about making America great and also keeping it from being blown up.  But don’t think there will be any United Nations rodeo clowns in blue helmets helping us out.  There won’t be and I wouldn’t want them if they offered.  Americans get the job done on their own.  Period.  So, remember that and do a good job and you’ll be able to say you helped Trump win this war.

And one last thing, any hope that a cease fire would occur is gone.  A message from the ship announced that Gore and Obama, after reviewing the aliens environmental record, decided to throw in with the aliens.  Well both of those guys smelled funny to begin with so that’s probably for the best

So remember, this is a fight to the death so don’t hesitate.  Give it everything you’ve got.  And I promise when we win, each and every one of you, even you ladies, will receive a very nice gift package including Trump steaks, Trump knives and a very nice picture of me with a beautiful facsimile signature that is just as good as though I actually signed it.  Trump out.

Trump vs Independence Day Redux – Part 1

photog Current Events, Humor, Science Fiction / Fantasy, Trump , , , , ,

Scene 1: NORAD Base in Alaska, 02:30 Hours PST, Wednesday

General Adam Baldwin (GAD) – Alright Airman, this better be good. I was dreaming of my tarpon fishing trip in Florida when you woke me up so what’s so important?

Airman Jones (AJ) – Sir we’ve detected an enormous UFO in high earth orbit. Dozens of smaller objects are separating from the main body and moving in a coordinated fashion toward earth. Each object is about 10 miles in length and travelling at 5 miles per second but decelerating as they approach the atmosphere.

GAD – Great Caesar’s Ghost! They’ll reach us in just hours! Put in a call to the Secretary of Defense. The President will have to hear of this immediately.

AJ – Yes, sir, I’ve got a line to his office waiting for you.

GAD – Good work Jones. Wake up the morning shift duty officer. You’re gonna need more hands. My orders.

AJ – Yes sir.

 

Scene 2: White House West Wing, 6 AM EST, Wednesday, Secretary Mattis is speaking to Vice President Pence outside the Oval Office. President Trump can be heard calling from inside.

President Trump (PT) – Mike, Mad Dog, get the hell in here. CNN is showing some really lousy video of space invaders and I think Wolf Blitzer just soiled himself. It’s beyond pathetic.

Vice President Pence (VPP) – (entering the room) Mr. President, if we can get beyond the unfortunate security leak, we have enormous decisions to make in a very short time.

PT – Yeah, I’ve already gotten a lot of it done. I tweeted to everyone in New York, Los Angeles and Washington to get out of town right away. That should buy us a day to get this mess cleaned up.

Secretary Mattis (SM) – Well done Mr. President. Might I suggest we take the opportunity to order all non-military federal workers to remain at their desks for the duration of the firestorm, I mean initial contact.

PT – Yeah, I did that too. Never waste a good crisis.

VPP – Mr. President, that’s monstrous!

PT – Not at all. It’s completely voluntary. I just told them that they’ll be earning triple time rates and mocha lattes would be free for the duration. Anyone who stays is too hopeless to care about anyway.

VPP – I think I’m in the wrong movie.

PT – Don’t worry, if I remember correctly you and the Joint Chiefs of Staff are killed when NORAD is obliterated tomorrow.

SM – Sucks to be you Pence.

VPP – You don’t know the half of it Mad Dog. But this sounds like a dream post so I’ll take my chances with NORAD.

PT – Whatever Mike. Just follow orders and I won’t have to send you up in the stupid flashing lights negotiations helicopter.

VPP – Yes Mr. President, enjoy your dream sequence. (leaves office and scene)

PT – Jim, I’m gonna skip that whole sequence where we send all our pilots to a horrible meaningless death against space ships protected by force fields.

SM – I’m sure they’ll be glad to hear it Mr. President but what will you do instead?

PT – I’ve got a little surprise cooked up for the homely buggers. What I need you to do is make sure the cruise missle fleet is ready to be targeted on a moment’s notice.

SM – That is easily arranged. But I hope you make it quick Mr. President, these guys are loaded for bear.

PT – Relax, compared to Hillary, these guys are the Three Stooges.

 

Scene 3 – Oval Office, Same Day, 9 AM, President Trump at the desk on the phone

PT – Look Thiel, I don’t care if you and Musk aren’t talking. I need you to get him and his geek squad on a telecon with me at noon your time. That’s right. And any other braniacs you know who can help me kick ET’s butt. Don’t worry the government won’t steal any patents in fact you guys are welcome to anything we come up with to solve this problem. Just hurry.
(hangs up the phone and gets on an intercom)

PT – General, get everyone out of the White House and onto Marine 1 immediately, except for that vegan pastry chef that Mrs. Trump hired. Tell her to work overtime and prepare something special for this evening. Yeah, exactly, a big surprise.

 

Scene 4 – Nevada, Area 51 Same Day, Noon PST, Clean Room Laboratory with large teleconferencing screen set up.

PT – Thiel, I wanna thank you for assembling this impressive bunch of brilliant but socially awkward science weirdos. Gentlemen your country welcomes you.
(various coughs, grunts and nasally sounding exclamations emanate from the A-V equipment)

Peter Thiel – President Trump, we’re all curious to know what needs to be done to save the Earth from this threat.

PT – It’s very simple. I need you dweebs to provide me with a heretofore theoretically impossible laser weapon powerful enough to punch through the impenetrable force fields of our super-intelligent but horribly smelly enemies out there. Oh, and I need it by tomorrow at 10 AM EST.

Elon Musk (EM) – But that’s ridiculous!

PT – Ridiculous like expecting to save energy by building electric cars that are charged off electrical grids that waste 40% of the energy in transmission losses? That kind of ridiculous?

EM – I get your point. We’ll have the weapon by 8 AM.

PT – Good, now go take your amphetamines and get to work you strange little spider monkeys. Trump out.
(the screens fade to black)

SM – What now Mr. President? Do you want to reach out to the mayors and coordinate humanitarian aid?

PT – Nah, the evacuation is strictly a precaution, the less efficient it is the less we’ll have to undo afterward. Besides most of those guys are commie jerks who hate my guts. Let them stew a little. It’ll do ‘em good. I’ve got a golf game scheduled in about an hour. I’ll see you in the morning.

TO BE CONTINUED

 

Trump vs Independence Day Redux – Part 2

What is The Trumpocalypse Missing?

photog Current Events, Humor, Science Fiction / Fantasy, Trump , , ,

I have to assume that from now until at least when Mike Pence inherits the presidency in 2025 there will be at least three crises every week in the Trump Administration. I’m not sure if guys like Bannon are under contract to break out into nuttiness or if it’s just the Call of Cthulhu.
And it used to make me fret. But I’ve long since cut the break cables and learned to enjoy the dizzying corkscrew plunge down the Trump Magical Mystery Hairpin Extravaganza. It truly is the “Greatest Show on Earth.” But this is a slow news week (sort of) so I decided to amuse myself by imagining what is crazier than what is actually unfolding in D.C. every day. What’s missing?
Well, the only thing missing is space invaders like the ones in Independence Day. I mean, why not? Sure, Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum won’t help out Trump but he can get Adam Baldwin and then maybe add on Vince Vaughn. And Trump would be a much better President than Bill Pullman. First off, Trump really is President! Secondly, he wouldn’t be all whiney about using nukes. Why, just this week he was bragging that his nuclear button was bigger than North Korea’s button. So nuking aliens, no problemo. And finally, if a captured alien broke loose and killed our scientists Trump would not be trying to placate it into being our friend. He would very wisely tell Adam Baldwin to shoot it full of holes. Then he would send it back to the aliens in a big bottle of formaldehyde as a warning. Now that’s the way the movie should have gone. And another thing, Melania would be a much better First Lady than the one in Independence Day. If Donald tells her to get out of Los Angeles she won’t hang around and get caught up in the firestorm. In fact, she’ll probably be at home taking care of her young child like a good mother should.
Is there any doubt that Mad Dog Mattis would be a better Secretary of Defense than that loser in the movie? So, the biggest problem is Area 51. I’m guessing if there really were a secret alien spacecraft in Nevada then Obama must have handed it over to the Iranians as part of his surrender treaty. So, we’d have to start from scratch on counterattacking with their own spacecraft. Now Data from Star Trek, TNG wouldn’t be a conservative. Possibly we can get Shatner. He’s a Canadian but I think he’ll take any part he gets paid for. So, it actually makes sense to encourage the President to lure space invaders to Earth. Defeating them will encourage a camaraderie among surviving Americans. Also, let’s face it, only the Americans and possibly the Russians have an air force that would actually defeat space aliens. All those other countries would be essentially wiped out. And as sad as this would be, it would definitely have a positive effect on the American economy.
And finally, if New York, Los Angeles and Washington were essentially wiped out, followed by San Francisco, Boston, Philadelphia and Baltimore, then after the invasion was over it seems possible that California, New York, Massachusetts, Pennsylvania and Maryland might become red states. Now that really would be science fiction (or fantasy).