{"id":1041,"date":"2017-04-30T19:49:10","date_gmt":"2017-04-30T23:49:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/?p=1041"},"modified":"2017-07-30T09:35:00","modified_gmt":"2017-07-30T13:35:00","slug":"the-last-1360-days-of-the-trump-presidency","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/04\/30\/the-last-1360-days-of-the-trump-presidency\/","title":{"rendered":"The Last 1360 Days of the Trump Presidency"},"content":{"rendered":"

Morning Shmoe 2<\/a><\/p>\n

(The set of the Morning Shmoe News Show)<\/p>\n

Morning Schmoe (MS) \u2013 It\u2019s sixty seven seconds past the quarter hour and we\u2019re back at the Morning Schmoe Show.\u00a0 I\u2019m the eponymous Schmoe Browfurrowed and I\u2019m joined by my lovely and enthusiastic co-host Lycra Spandexy.<\/p>\n

Lycra Spandexy (LS) \u2013 I am lovely and enthusiastic, amn\u2019t I?<\/p>\n

MS \u2013 Yes you are Lycra and we wouldn\u2019t have you any other way.\u00a0 It\u2019s actually in your contract.\u00a0 And now here’s the rest of our panel.\u00a0 First up, former disgraced journalist and now shameless democrat shill Mike Carbuncle.<\/p>\n

Mike Carbuncle (MC) \u2013 I like to say semi-disgraced.<\/p>\n

MS \u2013 Yes you do. Next up, my fellow network superstar host and advocate for comfortable women\u2019s shoes Snarkful Sadclown.<\/p>\n

Snarkful Sadclown (SS) \u2013 Everyone should wear them.<\/p>\n

MS \u2013 Well almost everyone.\u00a0 Not you Lycra.<\/p>\n

LS \u2013 Oh thank God.\u00a0 No offense Snarky.<\/p>\n

SS \u2013 Almost none taken Lycra.<\/p>\n

MS \u2013 And finally my other fellow network superstar host Chris Cashews.<\/p>\n

Chris Cashews (CC) \u2013 Ooh, just hearing my name gives me that tingle up my leg.<\/p>\n

SS \u2013 Please try to pace yourself Chris.\u00a0 It\u2019s a three-hour show.<\/p>\n

MS \u2013 Well gang, let\u2019s get right down to it.\u00a0 Fraudulent and illegal President Trump has just passed the 100-day mark of his fraudulent and illegal presidency.<\/p>\n

LS \u2013 He\u2019s so not good!\u00a0 If I was allowed to hate people I\u2019d hate him.\u00a0 And I\u2019d hate his wife who is older than me and not young like I am.\u00a0 I\u2019m not old yet you know.<\/p>\n

MC \u2013 That was very well put Lycra.\u00a0 You are very young.\u00a0 And your platinum blonde hair reminds me of the time I interviewed beautiful Hollywood blonde bombshell Jean Harlow right after she starred with Clark Gable in 1933\u2019s Red Dust.<\/p>\n

SS \u2013 But you would have been four years old in 1933.<\/p>\n

MC \u2013 Yes, I was quite precocious.<\/p>\n

MS \u2013 Getting back on track.\u00a0 We are here to look objectively at the events of the last 100 days and without bias decide exactly where it became a failed presidency.<\/p>\n

CC \u2013 That won\u2019t be too hard at all.\u00a0 Back when I was working for storied Speaker of the House, Slip\u00a0 O\u2019Peel, we had a saying, \u201cThe buck stops here.\u201d<\/p>\n

SS \u2013 Didn\u2019t well-known racist and US President Harry S. Truman say that?<\/p>\n

CC \u2013 Oh, he said it too but he stole it from us.<\/p>\n

SS \u2013 But O\u2019Peel would have only been 13 when Truman was quoted as saying it.<\/p>\n

CC \u2013 Yes, he was precocious.\u00a0 Anyway, my point is that obviously, Trump\u2019s presidency became a failed one on Inauguration Day when he failed to use his entire speech as a hymn of praise to Barack Hussein Obama, the most gifted and beloved person ever to occupy the Oval Office.\u00a0 Did I ever tell you the time I got this tingle up my leg during one of his speeches?<\/p>\n

MS \u2013 Yes, Chris you have.\u00a0 But we\u2019ve really got to move on now.\u00a0 Well, folks, Chris says Inauguration Day.\u00a0 Any other opinions?<\/p>\n

LS \u2013 Yes Shmoe.\u00a0 I think it happened later.\u00a0 I think it happened when he was mean to those reporters on TV.\u00a0 Reporters (and TV people in general) are the best and nicest people in the world.\u00a0 Being mean to them is like really not good.\u00a0 That is when I feel his presidency failed.<\/p>\n

SS \u2013 Wow Lycra, compared to Chris and Mike your thesis was surprisingly free of anachronisms.<\/p>\n

LS \u2013 Thanks Snarky I can see that you respect my intellect.<\/p>\n

SS \u2013 Sure.<\/p>\n

LS \u2013 By the way what\u2019s an actronism?<\/p>\n

SS \u2013 Never mind.<\/p>\n

MS \u2013 Okay Mike care to share your opinion?<\/p>\n

MC \u2013 Certainly Shmoe.\u00a0 This presidency officially ended when Trump nominated Gorsuch.\u00a0 When Trump told the country that Gorsuch represented the highest standards of judicial competency he overplayed his hand.\u00a0 To quote from my highly popular and respected blog post of that day, I extemporized, \u201cMr President, you can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time but you can\u2019t fool all of the people all of the time.\u201d\u00a0 Man was I on fire in that post!<\/p>\n

SS \u2013 Wait, Abraham Lincoln said that!<\/p>\n

MC \u2013 He stole it from me.<\/p>\n

SS \u2013 But that would make you two hundred years old!<\/p>\n

MC \u2013 I don\u2019t think it\u2019s polite to discuss people\u2019s age.\u00a0 Even if they aren\u2019t nominally women.<\/p>\n

LS \u2013 Yes, Snarky.\u00a0 That\u2019s wrong and hurtful.<\/p>\n

SS \u2013 Oh good grief. \u00a0This is almost as bad as election night. \u00a0This is not a dream and this is really happening. \u00a0Maybe I should cut a deal with Fox.<\/p>\n

MS \u2013 Mike, Lycra that\u2019s enough.\u00a0 We can\u2019t work out the chronological details of all these people right here and now.\u00a0 Let\u2019s just agree that the Trump administration is already over.<\/p>\n

All Participants \u2013 Oh yeah;\u2026 \u00a0That\u2019s for sure;\u2026 \u00a0Damn straight;\u2026\u00a0 I\u2019ll say.<\/p>\n

MS \u2013 So the question that has to be answered is what exactly is going to be going on for the next 1,360 days?<\/p>\n

LS \u2013 Well Shmoe, don\u2019t you think that evil Trump and his evil people will see that they\u2019re beaten and run away?<\/p>\n

MS \u2013 Well Lycra, you might think so but it\u2019s a funny thing.\u00a0 Not everyone is as reasonable as we are.\u00a0 I\u2019m afraid Trump thinks that elections have consequences.<\/p>\n

MC \u2013 Hey he can\u2019t use that line, it\u2019s an Obama copyright.<\/p>\n

MS \u2013 Something ironic about that.<\/p>\n

MC \u2013 What do you mean?<\/p>\n

MS \u2013 Oh forget it.\u00a0 Well anyway, let\u2019s just say that if we just keep saying that this is a failed presidency long enough and often enough the public will believe it.<\/p>\n

SS \u2013 I\u2019m not so sure.\u00a0 Have you noticed that the last few surveys say the public trusts us less than Trump?<\/p>\n

MS \u2013 Yeah but once we tell them that Trump is a greedy billionaire and we\u2019re honest friends of the common man they\u2019ll believe all the crap we tell them, right?<\/p>\n

SS \u2013 But that\u2019s what I\u2019m trying to tell you.\u00a0 They don\u2019t believe that anymore.<\/p>\n

MS \u2013 But why?<\/p>\n

MC \u2013 Maybe because we backed the BLM movement and the Antifa and the White Privilege whiners and the Transgender bathroom crowd and the illegal rights groups and \u2026<\/p>\n

SS \u2013 Hey, those are my viewers!<\/p>\n

MS \u2013 Yeah but look at our ratings.\u00a0 They\u2019re not that much right?\u00a0 Looks like we may be outnumbered in this thing.<\/p>\n

LS \u2013 But Shmoe, we won, didn\u2019t we?\u00a0 We\u2019ll be all right now and Hillary will be President and we\u2019ll live happily ever after.\u00a0 Won\u2019t we?<\/p>\n

MS \u2013 I wish I knew Lycra, I wish I knew.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Wherefore Art Thou Shmoe-meo?<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Morning Shmoe 2 (The set of the Morning Shmoe News Show) Morning Schmoe (MS) \u2013 It\u2019s sixty seven seconds past the quarter hour and we\u2019re<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,288,6],"tags":[168,179,178,16],"class_list":["post-1041","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-current-events","category-humor","category-trump","tag-humor","tag-lycra-spandexy","tag-morning-shmoe","tag-trump"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Last 1360 Days of the Trump Presidency - Orion's Cold Fire<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/04\/30\/the-last-1360-days-of-the-trump-presidency\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Last 1360 Days of the Trump Presidency - 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