{"id":1272,"date":"2017-07-10T13:21:38","date_gmt":"2017-07-10T17:21:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/?p=1272"},"modified":"2017-07-30T09:30:18","modified_gmt":"2017-07-30T13:30:18","slug":"the-funeral-oration-of-trumpicles","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/07\/10\/the-funeral-oration-of-trumpicles\/","title":{"rendered":"Trump vs The Time Hag – Episode 2 – The Funeral Oration of Trumpicles"},"content":{"rendered":"

(Hat tip to Roger Kimball <\/a>for the inspiration.)<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Note: A prequel<\/a> has been written to this post.\u00a0 Sorry for the complication.<\/p>\n

General Trumpicles \u2013 (GT) \u2013 People of Athens, and remember Athens is the greatest city in the world, I speak to you today as your leader, and you love me, you really do. I stand before you today to say that Sparta is low energy and rumor of their military strength is fake news, it really is.<\/p>\n

(loud and prolonged cheering)<\/p>\n

Yes, yes you love me, of course you do. How could you not?\u00a0 I return to you victorious after defeating the Thebans and building the long walls out to the Piraeus and getting the Spartans to pay for it.\u00a0 And considering how poor and cheap the Spartans are it wasn\u2019t easy.\u00a0 Trust me!<\/p>\n

(prolonged chanting of \u201cSparta Sucks, Sparta Sucks)<\/p>\n

Yes, yes they do, they really do. And there it\u2019s actually fashionable but let\u2019s not get homophobic.\u00a0 What I want to say is that Athens is the greatest city in the world and I\u2019m the greatest leader in the world and you\u2019re all so lucky to live in this Fifth Century B.C. Golden Age.\u00a0 Although I really don\u2019t know what B.C. means and fifth century from what?\u00a0 But who cares?\u00a0 It\u2019s golden and that\u2019s enough.\u00a0 Next week we\u2019ll be opening up the new Trumpicles Temple and Casino.\u00a0 Some people want to call it the Parthenon.\u00a0 They think that statue is Athena.\u00a0 But it\u2019s really Melania.\u00a0 And Parthenon for her would be misleading. \u00a0Enough said.<\/p>\n

I just want to say a few words about how great Athens is and why it\u2019s great. It\u2019s great because we make the best deals and we are smarter than the other greeks and because we don\u2019t take crap from anyone.\u00a0 Darius landed here when our fathers were poor farmers and told us to pay tribute and we told him to stick it in his ear.\u00a0 And he burned down the city because it was built of wood.\u00a0 And we\u2019ve rebuilt it out of marble. And he fought us at Marathon and we kicked his ass.<\/p>\n

(prolonged chanting of \u201cPersia Sucks, Persia Sucks)<\/p>\n

Yeah, they do. But be generous.\u00a0 At least they\u2019re not the Spartans.<\/p>\n

(loud and raucous laughing)<\/p>\n

And don\u2019t forget that it was the Trumpicles Corporation that rebuilt Athens in marble. And it was the finest Parian marble and no expense was spared and it is the showcase of the Aegean Sea.\u00a0 Now you may be asking yourself, \u201cwhy does Trumpicles do all this.\u201d?\u00a0 Well, I\u2019ll tell you.\u00a0 It\u2019s because I\u2019m a man of the people.\u00a0 I\u2019m not like that Crooked Clintoninus.\u00a0 I never make an obol on any of these deals I make for you.\u00a0 It\u2019s well documented that I\u2019m the greatest leader that you will ever have. After me it\u2019ll be one long slide down into Palookaville and then Alexander and the Macedonians will turn this place into a parking lot for the tourists.\u00a0 But for as long as you\u2019ve got me, the good times will roll and you won\u2019t have to worry about anything except how to spend the drachmas.\u00a0 So to sum it up, Athens is the greatest city because I\u2019m the greatest leader, you love me and Sparta sucks.\u00a0 Good night everybody.<\/p>\n

(loud foot stomping and chanting Trumpicles, Trumpicles, Sparta Sucks, Sparta Sucks.)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

(Hat tip to Roger Kimball for the inspiration.)   Note: A prequel has been written to this post.\u00a0 Sorry for the complication. General Trumpicles \u2013<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,288,6],"tags":[26,262,263,168,261,16],"class_list":["post-1272","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-current-events","category-humor","category-trump","tag-american-exceptionalism","tag-athens","tag-funeral-oration-of-pericles","tag-humor","tag-pericles","tag-trump"],"yoast_head":"\nTrump vs The Time Hag - Episode 2 - The Funeral Oration of Trumpicles - Orion's Cold Fire<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/07\/10\/the-funeral-oration-of-trumpicles\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Trump vs The Time Hag - Episode 2 - The Funeral Oration of Trumpicles - Orion's Cold Fire\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"(Hat tip to Roger Kimball for the inspiration.)   Note: A prequel has been written to this post.\u00a0 Sorry for the complication. General Trumpicles \u2013\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/07\/10\/the-funeral-oration-of-trumpicles\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Orion's Cold Fire\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2017-07-10T17:21:38+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2017-07-30T13:30:18+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"photog\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@orionscoldfire\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@orionscoldfire\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"photog\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/07\/10\/the-funeral-oration-of-trumpicles\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/07\/10\/the-funeral-oration-of-trumpicles\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"photog\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#\/schema\/person\/d11e80f83f3825ce9fe38a5303eb64d3\"},\"headline\":\"Trump vs The Time Hag – Episode 2 – The Funeral Oration of Trumpicles\",\"datePublished\":\"2017-07-10T17:21:38+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2017-07-30T13:30:18+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/07\/10\/the-funeral-oration-of-trumpicles\/\"},\"wordCount\":596,\"commentCount\":2,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#organization\"},\"keywords\":[\"american exceptionalism\",\"Athens\",\"Funeral Oration of Pericles\",\"Humor\",\"Pericles\",\"Trump\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Current Events\",\"Humor\",\"Trump\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/07\/10\/the-funeral-oration-of-trumpicles\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/07\/10\/the-funeral-oration-of-trumpicles\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/07\/10\/the-funeral-oration-of-trumpicles\/\",\"name\":\"Trump vs The Time Hag - Episode 2 - The Funeral Oration of Trumpicles - Orion's Cold Fire\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2017-07-10T17:21:38+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2017-07-30T13:30:18+00:00\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/07\/10\/the-funeral-oration-of-trumpicles\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/07\/10\/the-funeral-oration-of-trumpicles\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/07\/10\/the-funeral-oration-of-trumpicles\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Trump vs The Time Hag – Episode 2 – The Funeral Oration of Trumpicles\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/\",\"name\":\"Orion's Cold Fire\",\"description\":\"All the Secrets of the Universe and Some Really Important Stuff Too!\",\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#organization\"},\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Organization\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#organization\",\"name\":\"Orion's Cold Fire\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/\",\"logo\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/DSC06141.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/DSC06141.jpg\",\"width\":4022,\"height\":1419,\"caption\":\"Orion's Cold Fire\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/\"},\"sameAs\":[\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/orionscoldfire\"]},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#\/schema\/person\/d11e80f83f3825ce9fe38a5303eb64d3\",\"name\":\"photog\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/photog-image.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/photog-image.jpg\",\"caption\":\"photog\"},\"url\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/author\/photog\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Trump vs The Time Hag - Episode 2 - The Funeral Oration of Trumpicles - Orion's Cold Fire","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/07\/10\/the-funeral-oration-of-trumpicles\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Trump vs The Time Hag - Episode 2 - The Funeral Oration of Trumpicles - Orion's Cold Fire","og_description":"(Hat tip to Roger Kimball for the inspiration.)   Note: A prequel has been written to this post.\u00a0 Sorry for the complication. General Trumpicles \u2013","og_url":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/07\/10\/the-funeral-oration-of-trumpicles\/","og_site_name":"Orion's Cold Fire","article_published_time":"2017-07-10T17:21:38+00:00","article_modified_time":"2017-07-30T13:30:18+00:00","author":"photog","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@orionscoldfire","twitter_site":"@orionscoldfire","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"photog","Est. reading time":"3 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/07\/10\/the-funeral-oration-of-trumpicles\/#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/07\/10\/the-funeral-oration-of-trumpicles\/"},"author":{"name":"photog","@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#\/schema\/person\/d11e80f83f3825ce9fe38a5303eb64d3"},"headline":"Trump vs The Time Hag – Episode 2 – The Funeral Oration of Trumpicles","datePublished":"2017-07-10T17:21:38+00:00","dateModified":"2017-07-30T13:30:18+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/07\/10\/the-funeral-oration-of-trumpicles\/"},"wordCount":596,"commentCount":2,"publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#organization"},"keywords":["american exceptionalism","Athens","Funeral Oration of Pericles","Humor","Pericles","Trump"],"articleSection":["Current Events","Humor","Trump"],"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"CommentAction","name":"Comment","target":["https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/07\/10\/the-funeral-oration-of-trumpicles\/#respond"]}]},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/07\/10\/the-funeral-oration-of-trumpicles\/","url":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/07\/10\/the-funeral-oration-of-trumpicles\/","name":"Trump vs The Time Hag - Episode 2 - The Funeral Oration of Trumpicles - Orion's Cold Fire","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#website"},"datePublished":"2017-07-10T17:21:38+00:00","dateModified":"2017-07-30T13:30:18+00:00","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/07\/10\/the-funeral-oration-of-trumpicles\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/07\/10\/the-funeral-oration-of-trumpicles\/"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/07\/10\/the-funeral-oration-of-trumpicles\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Trump vs The Time Hag – Episode 2 – The Funeral Oration of Trumpicles"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#website","url":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/","name":"Orion's Cold Fire","description":"All the Secrets of the Universe and Some Really Important Stuff Too!","publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#organization"},"potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Organization","@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#organization","name":"Orion's Cold Fire","url":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/DSC06141.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/DSC06141.jpg","width":4022,"height":1419,"caption":"Orion's Cold Fire"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/"},"sameAs":["https:\/\/twitter.com\/orionscoldfire"]},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#\/schema\/person\/d11e80f83f3825ce9fe38a5303eb64d3","name":"photog","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/photog-image.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/photog-image.jpg","caption":"photog"},"url":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/author\/photog\/"}]}},"post_mailing_queue_ids":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1272","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1272"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1272\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1292,"href":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1272\/revisions\/1292"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1272"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1272"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1272"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}