Scene 1:\u00a0 Deepest sublevel of the Pentagon; 3:30 a.m.<\/p>\n
Vice President Pence (VPP) \u2013 Mr. President, thank you for keeping this a secret and I apologize for the late hour.<\/p>\n
President Trump (PT) \u2013 Mike, what the hell is going on here?\u00a0 I was in the middle of a very important tweet.\u00a0 I superimposed Jim Acosta\u2019s head on a walrus and he was looking really stupid.<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 Sorry Mr. President.\u00a0 I\u2019m sure that was really important but this is critical.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Alright, now that I\u2019m here, what gives?<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 In this top-secret military lab our top men have been perfecting a practical method for time travel.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Hey that\u2019s great Mike.\u00a0 Now I can go back in time and make bets on sports games and get rich like Biff did in Back to the Future Part 2.<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 Actually Sir, going back in time and changing it is a very dangerous thing to do.\u00a0 And it\u2019s one of the reasons I called you here.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 I don\u2019t get it.\u00a0 I haven\u2019t even done anything yet. \u00a0Why are you already giving me grief about it?<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 Actually it\u2019s Hillary Clinton that\u2019s the problem here.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 What does Crooked Hillary have to do with my time machine.<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 Your<\/strong> time machine? \u00a0Oh, never mind.\u00a0 Let me explain.\u00a0 Secretary Clinton found out about the project from Obama back when he was pillaging the United States of America.\u00a0 After your election victory she has been looking for some way to thwart the election results and she selected the time machine as the last resort.\u00a0 She plans to go back in time and change history in some way that will allow her to become the president.\u00a0 In fact, she has already used the machine.<\/p>\n PT \u2013 Doesn\u2019t this old hag ever quit?\u00a0 So how do we stop her?<\/p>\n VPP \u2013 Mr. President, if you\u2019ve read Heinlein\u2019s \u201cAll You Zombies\u201d or watched \u201cBack to the Future\u201d you know that tampering with the past can be catastrophic.<\/p>\n PT –\u00a0 Yeah, yeah.\u00a0 Like when Michael J. Fox starts disappearing from the polaroid photo of his family.\u00a0 Which if you think about it doesn\u2019t really make any sense.\u00a0 Boy, that Spielberg really was a slacker.\u00a0 So, I\u2019m in danger of ceasing to exist.<\/p>\n VPP \u2013 Precisely.\u00a0 We think Hillary will attempt to prevent you from being born by interfering in your parents\u2019 lives.\u00a0 In fact, we think she\u2019s already succeeded.<\/p>\n PT \u2013 Well, then why am I still here?<\/p>\n VPP \u2013 Because this lab has an inertial time field associated with it that delays changes to the temporal fabric of the universe within a range of 5 miles and for a period of about two weeks.<\/p>\n PT \u2013 Good thing for me.<\/p>\n VPP \u2013 Ain\u2019t it the truth.<\/p>\n PT \u2013 Okay, get me the DeLaurean or put me in the machine and send me back.\u00a0 Will I be naked like the Terminator?<\/p>\n VPP \u2013 No Mr. President.<\/p>\n PT \u2013 Good.\u00a0 Because despite his terrible work on The Apprentice, Schwarzenegger definitely looks better naked than I do at the moment.\u00a0 I really have to lay off the pasta.<\/p>\n VPP \u2013 Mr. President we don\u2019t have much time.\u00a0 We\u2019ve got to set up the machine and plan out the mission.\u00a0 Hillary is wearing a controller that looks like a lady\u2019s Rolex that allows her to move forward and back in time to whatever point in history she wants.\u00a0 We will provide you with an equivalent controller in a men\u2019s Rolex.<\/p>\n PT \u2013 I\u2019d prefer a Trump Chronichron.\u00a0 It looks like a Rolex but can be purchased at Macy\u2019s for only $450.\u00a0 It\u2019s quite a deal.<\/p>\n VPP \u2013 I\u2019m sorry Mr. President, there\u2019s no time.<\/p>\n PT \u2013 That statement seems ironic under these circumstances.<\/p>\n