{"id":1310,"date":"2017-07-19T20:26:48","date_gmt":"2017-07-20T00:26:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/?p=1310"},"modified":"2017-07-30T09:27:01","modified_gmt":"2017-07-30T13:27:01","slug":"trump-vs-the-time-hag-episode-4-augustus-trumpster","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/07\/19\/trump-vs-the-time-hag-episode-4-augustus-trumpster\/","title":{"rendered":"Trump vs The Time Hag \u2013 Episode 4 -Augustus Trumpster"},"content":{"rendered":"

Trump vs The Time Hag – Episode 3 – Trumpxander the Great<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Scene 1 \u2013 30 B.C \u2013 The Roman Forum (Tuesday)<\/p>\n

Emperor Augustus Trumpster (EAT) \u2013 Where is Philbertus Macadamius?\u00a0 Phil! Phil! Where in Hades are you?<\/p>\n

Philbertus Macadamius (PM) \u2013 Right here Great Trumpster!\u00a0 All Hail divine Trumpster.\u00a0 Why, you bestride the whole world like a Colussus!<\/p>\n

EAT \u2013 Yeah well stop looking up my toga when I do.\u00a0 Remember my hands are plenty big.\u00a0 Nothing to worry about there.<\/p>\n

PM \u2013 Yes great Trumpster.\u00a0 And how may I be of service?<\/p>\n

EAT \u2013 Listen Phil, I\u2019m about to make a big speech before the senate and I need someone that I can trust to listen to my tweet, I mean speech.<\/p>\n

PM \u2013 I would be honored Great Trumpster.<\/p>\n

EAT \u2013 Sure, sure but listen I\u2019m a little sword-shy after Mike-us Pence-tony, my right hand man, ran off with that Clintonpatra skank and tried to steal the whole eastern empire from me.\u00a0 That really pissed me off.\u00a0 So, I have to know that what I say will go no further than this portico.\u00a0 I have to know you\u2019re loyal.<\/p>\n

PM \u2013 Rest assured Great Trumpster, that I would never reveal your conversation or blab it to the Times New Roman, er I mean the New Roman Times.<\/p>\n

EAT \u2013 Yeah, nothing to see here.\u00a0 Oh what the hell.\u00a0 If anything happens I can always feed you to the lions in the Colosseum (when someone gets around to building it that is).\u00a0 Anyway what do you think of this speech?<\/p>\n

PM \u2013 (reading the scroll) Uh let\u2019s see.\u00a0 Hmmm, zmmmm, hmmm, zmmm.\u00a0 Looks good to me.\u00a0 Cicero himself will rave.<\/p>\n

EAT \u2013 Yeah except we cut off his head a few years back.<\/p>\n

PM \u2013 Oh, that\u2019s right.\u00a0 Good times, good times.\u00a0 Anyway, the speech is a peach.\u00a0 Lay it on them Mighty Trumpster.<\/p>\n

Scene 2 \u2013 Same day, Roman Senate.<\/p>\n

EAT \u2013 Friends, Romans, Countrymen.\u00a0 Lend me your ears.\u00a0 No, I mean really.\u00a0 I\u2019m having all your ears cut off for those rude remarks you made about the Empress Melania.\u00a0 She\u2019s the best- looking babe this old burg has ever seen and you claim that Clintopatra is more regal?\u00a0 You\u2019re just lucky I won and she wasn\u2019t in charge.\u00a0 She\u2019d have had you guys eunuched within the week and singing soprano in the Palatine Follies before the Ides of March.\u00a0 But relax, I had her boiled in oil and rendered into so much soap that it\u2019ll last the empire for a decade.\u00a0 Unfortunately Slickus Willius escaped into the East.\u00a0 But it\u2019s probably for the better.\u00a0 If that joker got talking he\u2019d have stolen the togas right off your backs.\u00a0 Him and that \u201cthat depends on what the definition of id est.\u201d\u00a0 What a crook.<\/p>\n

So anyway, here\u2019s the deal.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to turn this republic into an empire.\u00a0 Now I know that\u2019s bad, but you folks are already too corrupt to reform.\u00a0 On the upside the Pax Romana will give you about two hundred years of relative prosperity and peace.\u00a0 The downside is that by the time the Visigoths show up you\u2019ll be a bunch of serfs too poor and dispirited to care about defending your homes.<\/p>\n

But look at the bright side.\u00a0 The bread and circuses should last right up until Alaric and the Visigoths sack this place in 410 A.D. (whenever that is).\u00a0 So let\u2019s party like it\u2019s MCMXCIX!!!!<\/p>\n

Senators \u2013 Toga, toga, toga.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Trump vs The Time Hag \u2013 Episode 5 \u2013 Trump Martel<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Trump vs The Time Hag – Episode 3 – Trumpxander the Great   Scene 1 \u2013 30 B.C \u2013 The Roman Forum (Tuesday) Emperor Augustus<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,288,6],"tags":[277,168,276,275,16],"class_list":["post-1310","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-current-events","category-humor","category-trump","tag-clintopatra","tag-humor","tag-rome","tag-time-hag","tag-trump"],"yoast_head":"\nTrump vs The Time Hag \u2013 Episode 4 -Augustus Trumpster - Orion's Cold Fire<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/07\/19\/trump-vs-the-time-hag-episode-4-augustus-trumpster\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Trump vs The Time Hag \u2013 Episode 4 -Augustus Trumpster - 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