{"id":1336,"date":"2017-07-29T15:46:28","date_gmt":"2017-07-29T19:46:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/?p=1336"},"modified":"2017-07-30T09:26:24","modified_gmt":"2017-07-30T13:26:24","slug":"trump-vs-the-time-hag-episode-5-trump-martel","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/07\/29\/trump-vs-the-time-hag-episode-5-trump-martel\/","title":{"rendered":"Trump vs The Time Hag \u2013 Episode 5 \u2013 Trump Martel"},"content":{"rendered":"

Trump vs The Time Hag \u2013 Episode 4 -Augustus Trumpster<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Scene1:\u00a0 10th<\/sup> of October 732 A.D. \u2013 Plains surrounding Tours, Gaul<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Trump Martel (TM) \u2013 Where is my oaf?\u00a0 Oaf, oaf oaf!<\/p>\n

Jeb Buisson (JEB!) \u2013 Here O Prince!<\/p>\n

TM \u2013 Didn\u2019t I tell you to polish my armor?\u00a0 I have a 4:30 appointment in Tours defeating Islamic extremists and I want to look my best.<\/p>\n

JEB! \u2013 I\u2019ve been working as fast as I can but I\u2019m not finished yet.<\/p>\n

TM \u2013 Oh never mind.\u00a0 You\u2019re too low energy for that.\u00a0 Go and take a nap.\u00a0 That way no actual fighters will end up tripping over your gutted corpse.<\/p>\n

JEB! \u2013 Thank you sire.<\/p>\n

TM \u2013 Alright Michel Pencius, assemble my fans, I mean my troops, over there and I\u2019ll address them from this big rock over here.<\/p>\n

Michel Pencius (MP) \u2013 Yes my lord Trump.<\/p>\n

TM \u2013 Gather round men.\u00a0 I have a lot to say and not much time to say it in.\u00a0 In a few hours about sixty thousand Islamic extremists are gonna come pouring over those hills and unless we put a whole world of hurt on them you are all gonna be eating shish kebab from now on.\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 No more croissants, no more white sauce and definitely no more wine.\u00a0 So definitely put on your big boy breeches and don\u2019t stop until the fat lady sings.\u00a0 And by the way that fat lady is Hilarius Cintoninus.\u00a0 She is a hideous banshee that has lead the Arabs through the Pyrenees and promised them my head if they attacked Tours today.<\/p>\n

Now maybe you\u2019re thinking we can\u2019t beat sixty thousand arabs.\u00a0 Maybe you think the odds are too high.\u00a0 Well just relax.\u00a0 The don\u2019t call me Trump Martel, Trump the Hammer because of anatomical reasons, although if you notice my fingers are plenty big, nothing wrong in that department, everything very, very, good and big.\u00a0 They call me the hammer because I will hammer those buggers right into the ground.\u00a0 After this battle, we will be the most powerful force in Europe and we will go on to lay the foundations for the Holy Roman Trumpire which my grandson Trumplemagne will build.\u00a0 And when I say he will build it I\u2019m not kidding.\u00a0 It will be one big beautiful and long-lasting Trumpire.\u00a0 But anyway, if you follow me into battle we will win and keep on winning.\u00a0 We\u2019ll win so much you may get tired of winning.\u00a0 You may say, \u201cEnough, it\u2019s too much winning!\u201d<\/p>\n

And in conclusion, every man that follows me today will get ten royal arpents of land around Paris and a dozen sheep.\u00a0 Or if you prefer there is a special package of Trump cufflinks and steak knives available at Le Macy\u2019s down at the mall.\u00a0 Follow me, men, into victory and glory.\u00a0 But don\u2019t tailgate.\u00a0 I hate that.<\/p>\n

Troops \u2013 Le Trump, Le Trump, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo.<\/p>\n

TM \u2013 Yes, you love me.\u00a0 Of course, you do.\u00a0 How could you not?\u00a0 I am the greatest Frank of all time.\u00a0 Even greater than Sinatra, who was very great.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Trump vs The Time Hag \u2013 Episode 4 -Augustus Trumpster   Scene1:\u00a0 10th of October 732 A.D. \u2013 Plains surrounding Tours, Gaul   Trump Martel<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,288,6],"tags":[287,168,151,275,16],"class_list":["post-1336","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-current-events","category-humor","category-trump","tag-charles-martel","tag-humor","tag-parody","tag-time-hag","tag-trump"],"yoast_head":"\nTrump vs The Time Hag \u2013 Episode 5 \u2013 Trump Martel - Orion's Cold Fire<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/07\/29\/trump-vs-the-time-hag-episode-5-trump-martel\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Trump vs The Time Hag \u2013 Episode 5 \u2013 Trump Martel - 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