I have a very close relative who was in Iraq.\u00a0 Well, actually, I have several close relatives who were in Iraq but in particular there is one who runs his family using the Army\u2019s manual on discipline and unit cohesion.\u00a0 And I have to say that has a lot to be said for it.<\/p>\n
Full disclosure I never served in anything more regimented than the Boy Scouts.\u00a0 I was too young for Vietnam and too old for 9-11.\u00a0 But my father and my grandfather served and they always talked about military discipline and unit cohesion as traits that were sadly lacking in civilian life.\u00a0 Well, when I was a kid, we gave all that talk very short shrift.\u00a0 We were way too smart and savvy for all that regimentation.\u00a0 At least that\u2019s what we said back then.<\/p>\n
But it recently occurred to me that discipline and unit cohesion were the answers to a lot of the problems we see in the world today and also a source of satisfaction in a world that is drifting apart into chaos.\u00a0 Even within close family there is a tendency to become strangers.\u00a0 I don\u2019t mean that literally but rather compared to the closeness that existed when people didn\u2019t move away from each other every other year.\u00a0 We see each other once or twice a year.\u00a0 We talk on the phone every few months and we lose track of what\u2019s going on in each other\u2019s lives.<\/p>\n
But then when something goes wrong, we\u2019re all alone.\u00a0 And that\u2019s even considering the old days when families had a passel of kids and everyone had plenty of brothers and sisters.\u00a0 Imagine now where every family has at most two kids.\u00a0 You start out almost alone and then by the time you head off to college your family is just a forgotten period in your life that is only revisited at Christmas and the Fourth of July.<\/p>\n
The alternative to this is feeling responsible for your family.\u00a0 If your brother has a problem.\u00a0 Maybe he\u2019s having trouble in school.\u00a0 Make it your problem.\u00a0 Help him out.\u00a0 Tutor him.\u00a0 Or maybe you notice that he\u2019s not making friends very easily.\u00a0 Include him in some activity or ask one of your friends to have a younger brother include him in some activity.<\/p>\n
And of course, parents have to lift up their kids.\u00a0 We take that for granted but you\u2019d be surprised.\u00a0 With two parents working often the kids get lost in the shuffle.\u00a0 Spending time on kids\u2019 homework and paying attention to teacher\u2019s reports and what your kids tell you about school is critical.\u00a0 Instead of the extra toy at Christmas, the weekend camping trip or the vacation in the mountains or at the shore is a much smarter investment.\u00a0 You build the memories and you build a sense of belonging to something bigger than yourself.<\/p>\n
And just as important is having the kids do their part around the house.\u00a0 Chores and responsibilities are vital to keeping kids engaged.\u00a0 Even if mom is home every day, she is swamped with things that have to be done.\u00a0 Enforcing discipline and teaching the value of work is probably the most important activity a father can have with his sons. And when kids become teens a first job is the transition from childhood to responsible adult behavior.<\/p>\n
Grandparents have their place too.\u00a0 Having get togethers that bring together your children and their children allows the cousins to know each other and stay close.\u00a0 With the smaller family sizes today, this is even more important to maintain some sense of familial closeness.\u00a0 Let the grandkids know they are part of a bigger and older family than just their parents and siblings.\u00a0 There is magic in that for children of all ages.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ll be the first to admit that I came from a family where all of this was woefully missing.\u00a0 We were a large family and my poor parents were outnumbered and unprepared for the insanity that we inflicted on them.\u00a0 We ran amok.\u00a0 Somehow, we all survived but sometimes it was a close thing.\u00a0 But I have since seen it handled better and I attribute it to discipline and unit cohesion.\u00a0 Give the kids plenty of love and attention but also expect family loyalty and responsibility for themselves and for each other.\u00a0 Drill it into them that families don\u2019t disband when the kids turn eighteen.\u00a0 Family is a multi-generational structure where we support each other and make life better for those who came before us and those who are coming after.<\/p>\n
Family is the closest relationship you should have.\u00a0 But friends don\u2019t have to be disposable.\u00a0 It\u2019s possible to have friends that are almost like family.\u00a0 They\u2019re rare but they can happen.\u00a0 Probably for servicemen it\u2019s less rare.\u00a0 I have friends whose service buddies are lifelong pals who are there when they need them.\u00a0 I envy them the camaraderie they have.<\/p>\n
And finally, we have the wider community.\u00a0 These are folks who share the same values.\u00a0 With them we can share stories and good wishes and strategies.\u00a0 Maybe sometime, something we say to somebody, may provide a morale boost or a bit of information that gets him over the hump.\u00a0 At least that\u2019s how I like to look at it.\u00a0 But the same idea applies in each case.\u00a0 Show a sense of solidarity with those you are related to.\u00a0 Take responsibility to do your part and maintain your place in the family or community or even movement.\u00a0 Feel like you belong and let the next guy know it\u2019s not every man for himself.\u00a0 And who knows, someday you might say something to someone who\u2019s feeling very alone and it might give him a reason not to give up.\u00a0 That\u2019s not nothing.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I have a very close relative who was in Iraq.\u00a0 Well, actually, I have several close relatives who were in Iraq but in particular there<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,2860],"tags":[1068,83,636,2093,2943,2341,2944],"class_list":["post-13777","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-current-events","category-reclaiming-the-family","tag-discipline","tag-family","tag-military","tag-reclaiming-the-family","tag-responsibility","tag-traditional-family","tag-unit-cohesion"],"yoast_head":"\n