{"id":14547,"date":"2021-05-14T19:36:41","date_gmt":"2021-05-14T23:36:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/?p=14547"},"modified":"2021-05-14T19:36:41","modified_gmt":"2021-05-14T23:36:41","slug":"max-boot-repairman","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2021\/05\/14\/max-boot-repairman\/","title":{"rendered":"Max Boot REPAIRman"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><em>(<strong>Wide shot of Max Boot in his \u201cREPAIR\u201d blue overalls and hat.<\/strong>)<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Max Boot (MB) \u2013 Hi, everyone out there in TV land, I\u2019m Max Boot and you probably remember me from such zany adventures as Fallujah Redux, Green Zone Follies and Libya for the Win.\u00a0 We\u2019ve had such good times over the years patrolling all the sandy areas of the middle east and bringing democracy and transgender rights to every corner of the Muslim world.\u00a0 Why, I just can\u2019t imagine where the time has gone.\u00a0 But now I\u2019m here on a much more serious subject. \u00a0White supremacists and anti-war fanatics have struck at the most sacred symbol of our nation, Dick Cheney.\u00a0 Not directly of course.\u00a0 They wouldn\u2019t dare come after the Deadeye Dick.\u00a0 He\u2019d give them a face full of buckshot like he did that guy at the quail shoot.\u00a0 But the cowards have attacked his daughter, Liz, the delicate flower of our movement.<\/p>\n<p>Because of this I\u2019m here today to rally all of you to our cause.\u00a0 We are building a new party.\u00a0 I wanted to call it the Party of War but you know how these babies can be.\u00a0 \u201cOooh!\u00a0 War is scary,\u201d the say.\u00a0 So, we\u2019ve named it the \u201cREPAIR\u201d party which stands for \u201cStand Up Republic &amp; The Republican Political Alliance for Integrity and Reform.\u201d\u00a0 Wow, that\u2019s a mouthful.\u00a0 And really the letters don\u2019t line up to the acronym.\u00a0 War would be so much easier.\u00a0 Well, whatever.<\/p>\n<p>So, we\u2019re here to repair the Conservative movement.\u00a0 We will lead them back to the sanity of military transgenderism.\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 I\u2019m here to say that once we\u2019ve transgendered everyone in the US military we\u2019ll be ready to clean up the world.\u00a0 Well, maybe not immediately.\u00a0 That surgery hurts like a bastard, I\u2019ve been told.\u00a0 But shortly after we\u2019ll be bringing our new rainbow brigade to a Red State near you where we\u2019ll smoke those white supremacists out of their hiding places and fix their wagons.<\/p>\n<p>But first we\u2019ve got to win this war, I mean, campaign.\u00a0 We\u2019ll be launching our own slate of candidates and telling the country about our platform.\u00a0 We\u2019ll start with Liz Cheney.\u00a0 She\u2019ll join our party and we\u2019ll invade Wyoming with our campaign army and we won\u2019t leave until victory is declared.<\/p>\n<p>You might be asking yourselves, \u201cWhy is old Max Boot wearing a mechanic\u2019s uniform.\u00a0 Well, that\u2019s easy to explain.\u00a0 REPAIR is the acronym for our party and this uniform reminds you that I\u2019m here to repair the United States.\u00a0 And whenever you see one of our commercials or go to our rallies, we\u2019ll all be wearing the uniform.\u00a0 Of course, if you see Evan McMullin, his uniform will say Evan or Ev maybe.\u00a0 If Tom Ridge is there it\u2019ll say Tom or Tommy maybe.\u00a0 If Anthony Scaramucci is there it\u2019ll say Anthony or maybe Tony.\u00a0 He\u2019s Italian you know and they shorten it that way you know.\u00a0 If Liz Cheney joins us, I mean when she joins us, we\u2019ll give her the gender appropriate sizing version of the uniform.\u00a0 A little looser here and tighter there.\u00a0 Well, maybe not tighter anywhere.\u00a0 It\u2019s hard to get enough exercise in Congress.\u00a0 Even Deadeye put on a pound or two.\u00a0 In fact, you know if Dick was wearing a wig, he\u2019d look a lot like Liz.\u00a0 And there\u2019s nothing wrong with that.\u00a0 One day he may wake up and say, \u201cI\u2019ve changed my mind.\u00a0 Call me Erica.\u201d\u00a0 Boy that would be something.\u00a0 Really something.<\/p>\n<p>Well, that\u2019s neither here nor there.\u00a0 First things first.\u00a0 If you send us a check for a thousand dollars, we\u2019ll send you a REPAIR ball cap in your very own size.\u00a0 If you send us ten thousand dollars, we\u2019ll personalize the cap with your name on it (four letters or less).\u00a0 And if you send us one hundred thousand dollars, we\u2019ll send you the entire uniform with your name on the pocket (no limit on letters!).\u00a0 So that\u2019s the deal.\u00a0 Operators are standing by for your order.\u00a0 So, join the REPAIR crew and help us fix the mess we\u2019re in.<\/p>\n<p>Max Boot out!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>(Wide shot of Max Boot in his \u201cREPAIR\u201d blue overalls and hat.) Max Boot (MB) \u2013 Hi, everyone out there in TV land, I\u2019m Max<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,288,818],"tags":[91,273,3063],"class_list":["post-14547","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-current-events","category-humor","category-ocf","tag-comedy","tag-max-boot","tag-repair"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v20.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Max Boot REPAIRman - Orion&#039;s Cold Fire<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2021\/05\/14\/max-boot-repairman\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Max Boot REPAIRman - Orion&#039;s Cold Fire\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"(Wide shot of Max Boot in his \u201cREPAIR\u201d blue overalls and hat.) Max Boot (MB) \u2013 Hi, everyone out there in TV land, I\u2019m Max\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2021\/05\/14\/max-boot-repairman\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Orion&#039;s Cold Fire\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2021-05-14T23:36:41+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"photog\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@orionscoldfire\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@orionscoldfire\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"photog\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2021\/05\/14\/max-boot-repairman\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2021\/05\/14\/max-boot-repairman\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"photog\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#\/schema\/person\/d11e80f83f3825ce9fe38a5303eb64d3\"},\"headline\":\"Max Boot REPAIRman\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-05-14T23:36:41+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-05-14T23:36:41+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2021\/05\/14\/max-boot-repairman\/\"},\"wordCount\":728,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#organization\"},\"keywords\":[\"comedy\",\"Max Boot\",\"REPAIR\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Current Events\",\"Humor\",\"OCF\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2021\/05\/14\/max-boot-repairman\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2021\/05\/14\/max-boot-repairman\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2021\/05\/14\/max-boot-repairman\/\",\"name\":\"Max Boot REPAIRman - Orion&#039;s Cold Fire\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2021-05-14T23:36:41+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-05-14T23:36:41+00:00\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2021\/05\/14\/max-boot-repairman\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2021\/05\/14\/max-boot-repairman\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2021\/05\/14\/max-boot-repairman\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Max Boot REPAIRman\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/\",\"name\":\"Orion&#039;s Cold Fire\",\"description\":\"All the Secrets of the Universe and Some Really Important Stuff Too!\",\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#organization\"},\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Organization\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#organization\",\"name\":\"Orion's Cold Fire\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/\",\"logo\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/DSC06141.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/DSC06141.jpg\",\"width\":4022,\"height\":1419,\"caption\":\"Orion's Cold Fire\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/\"},\"sameAs\":[\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/orionscoldfire\"]},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#\/schema\/person\/d11e80f83f3825ce9fe38a5303eb64d3\",\"name\":\"photog\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/photog-image.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/photog-image.jpg\",\"caption\":\"photog\"},\"url\":\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/author\/photog\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Max Boot REPAIRman - Orion&#039;s Cold Fire","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2021\/05\/14\/max-boot-repairman\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Max Boot REPAIRman - Orion&#039;s Cold Fire","og_description":"(Wide shot of Max Boot in his \u201cREPAIR\u201d blue overalls and hat.) Max Boot (MB) \u2013 Hi, everyone out there in TV land, I\u2019m Max","og_url":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2021\/05\/14\/max-boot-repairman\/","og_site_name":"Orion&#039;s Cold Fire","article_published_time":"2021-05-14T23:36:41+00:00","author":"photog","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@orionscoldfire","twitter_site":"@orionscoldfire","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"photog","Est. reading time":"4 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2021\/05\/14\/max-boot-repairman\/#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2021\/05\/14\/max-boot-repairman\/"},"author":{"name":"photog","@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#\/schema\/person\/d11e80f83f3825ce9fe38a5303eb64d3"},"headline":"Max Boot REPAIRman","datePublished":"2021-05-14T23:36:41+00:00","dateModified":"2021-05-14T23:36:41+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2021\/05\/14\/max-boot-repairman\/"},"wordCount":728,"commentCount":0,"publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#organization"},"keywords":["comedy","Max Boot","REPAIR"],"articleSection":["Current Events","Humor","OCF"],"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"CommentAction","name":"Comment","target":["https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2021\/05\/14\/max-boot-repairman\/#respond"]}]},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2021\/05\/14\/max-boot-repairman\/","url":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2021\/05\/14\/max-boot-repairman\/","name":"Max Boot REPAIRman - Orion&#039;s Cold Fire","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#website"},"datePublished":"2021-05-14T23:36:41+00:00","dateModified":"2021-05-14T23:36:41+00:00","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2021\/05\/14\/max-boot-repairman\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2021\/05\/14\/max-boot-repairman\/"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2021\/05\/14\/max-boot-repairman\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Max Boot REPAIRman"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#website","url":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/","name":"Orion&#039;s Cold Fire","description":"All the Secrets of the Universe and Some Really Important Stuff Too!","publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#organization"},"potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Organization","@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#organization","name":"Orion's Cold Fire","url":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/DSC06141.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/DSC06141.jpg","width":4022,"height":1419,"caption":"Orion's Cold Fire"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/"},"sameAs":["https:\/\/twitter.com\/orionscoldfire"]},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#\/schema\/person\/d11e80f83f3825ce9fe38a5303eb64d3","name":"photog","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/photog-image.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/photog-image.jpg","caption":"photog"},"url":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/author\/photog\/"}]}},"post_mailing_queue_ids":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14547","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=14547"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14547\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":14548,"href":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14547\/revisions\/14548"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=14547"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=14547"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=14547"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}