Dramatis Personae: Morning Shmoe Browfurrowed (MS), Lycra Spandexy (LS)<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
MS \u2013 It\u2019s 18 minutes and 17.023 seconds past the quarter hour here on the Morning Shmoe Show.\u00a0 I\u2019m here with my lovely bride Lycra Spandexy-Browfurrowed and we\u2019re talking about the mouth breathing lowlifes out there on the Right who dare to claim that the 2020 election was rigged.<\/p>\n
LS \u2013 That\u2019s right Shmoe, you tell\u2019em.\u00a0 Let\u2019em have it.<\/p>\n
MS \u2013 I will dear, if you just let me finish!<\/p>\n
LS \u2013 Sure, dear.\u00a0 You go ahead I was just trying to cheer you on a little.\u00a0 Okay?<\/p>\n
MS \u2013 Okay.<\/p>\n
LS \u2013 Okay.<\/p>\n
MS \u2013 Woahh!.\u00a0 Where was I?\u00a0 Oh yeah, recently I took a call on this show from some neanderthal with the IQ of an angle worm who was trying to claim that Donald Trump won the 2020 election.\u00a0 And when something like this happens, I become enraged.\u00a0 This is the greatest country on the face of the earth with the greatest ballot counting people that have ever been.\u00a0 Joe Burden was the greatest vice president under that greatest of all presidents Hatrack Barabbas back in the great days of this great republic.\u00a0 And now he\u2019s the greatest president of this great time.\u00a0 His ability to wear a mask and tell other people to wear masks has made him a legend.\u00a0 And when some ignoramus tries to claim that such a great man would be involved in anything as underhanded and unheard of as election fraud, well I can\u2019t even describe how angry I become.<\/p>\n
LS \u2013 Try Shmoe, try!\u00a0 Tell us how mad you are.\u00a0 Describe your righteous anger.<\/p>\n
MS \u2013 Dear! \u2026\u00a0 Please, please, stop interrupting me.<\/p>\n
LS \u2013 But I was just trying \u2026<\/p>\n
MS \u2013 I know what you were just trying to do.\u00a0 But what you actually did was interrupt my train of thought.<\/p>\n
LS \u2013 So I derailed your train of thought!\u00a0 You\u2019ve gone off track and want to get back on track.<\/p>\n
MS\u00a0 – STOP!!!\u00a0 \u00a0STOP!!!\u00a0 \u00a0STOP!!!<\/p>\n
LS \u2013 erp.<\/p>\n
MS \u2013 If you don\u2019t stop interrupting me, I\u2019m gonna walk off this set and find a younger, prettier, quieter co-host who can do what I say.\u00a0 And remember what happened to the last woman I had a problem with.<\/p>\n
LS \u2013 erp.<\/p>\n
MS \u2013 \u2026\u2026\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Okay, so, when these mental midgets try to make these crazy claims like COVID-19 came from a Chinese lab or that 800% ballot overcounts aren\u2019t just obviously the typical rounding errors you expect in any election I want to tell these people to just get out.\u00a0 That\u2019s right, I want them out of my country.\u00a0 Because this is my country.\u00a0 Shmoe Browfurrowed is the decider here.\u00a0 I\u2019ve sacrificed everything for this country.\u00a0 I\u2019ve sunk thousands in dental implants and an indetectable hair process that allows me to speak to the good people of this country the way they should be talked to, from a position of authority and credibility.\u00a0 I\u2019ve sacrificed my original family members because, honestly, they just weren\u2019t good enough for my future.\u00a0 I owed it to this country to evolve beyond them.\u00a0 And if Lycra starts babbling again, I\u2019ll probably be evolving beyond her too.<\/p>\n
LS \u2013 erp!<\/p>\n
MS \u2013 But mostly I\u2019ve sacrificed my outmoded sense of values.\u00a0 I no longer trouble myself over seeming inconsistencies like \u201cdocumentary evidence\u201d or \u201cmath\u201d or even \u201ceye witness accounts.\u201d \u00a0\u00a0Because if any of those things contradict the truth that I receive from the network briefing that morning then I know it is either Russian propaganda or lies spread by Donald Trump.\u00a0 Even if it was in yesterday\u2019s briefing.\u00a0 Make that, especially, if it was in yesterday\u2019s briefing.\u00a0 Because the rock bottom truth is that truth is always evolving.\u00a0 Trying to sort it out yourself is madness.\u00a0 The briefing has been prepared by experts in their fields and is always right until tomorrow\u2019s briefing.<\/p>\n
So, you can see, I\u2019ve got this under control and we don\u2019t need any phony baloney deplorables \u201cthinking\u201d or looking into things.\u00a0 If you don\u2019t trust the integrity of a great man like Joe Burden then you don\u2019t belong here anymore.\u00a0 Get out!\u00a0 Get out!<\/p>\n
Well, I\u2019m glad I got that off my chest.\u00a0 What do you think about that Lycra?<\/p>\n
LS \u2013 erp.\u00a0 Am I allowed to talk now?<\/p>\n
MS \u2013 Certainly dear.\u00a0 I just wanted to finish my thought without being interrupted.\u00a0 That\u2019s all.<\/p>\n
LS \u2013 I agree with every word of it.\u00a0 How brave you were standing up to those \u201ctruth\u201d bullies with their facts and their logical consistency.\u00a0 How unbrave they are.<\/p>\n
MS \u2013 And on that note it\u2019s four minutes and 13.0234 seconds past a quarter to the hour.\u00a0 And it\u2019s time for a commercial from Twerker, the social network that keeps things shaking.\u00a0 Have you twerked yet today?<\/p>\n
LS \u2013 So brave Shmoe, so brave,<\/p>\n
MS \u2013 Shut up Lycra.\u00a0 Even I can\u2019t make believe you make sense.\u00a0 Just smile and hide your wrinkles.<\/p>\n
LS \u2013 erp.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Dramatis Personae: Morning Shmoe Browfurrowed (MS), Lycra Spandexy (LS) MS \u2013 It\u2019s 18 minutes and 17.023 seconds past the quarter hour here on the<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,288],"tags":[3109,3108,179,178,180],"class_list":["post-14773","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-current-events","category-humor","tag-hatrack-barabbas","tag-joe-burden","tag-lycra-spandexy","tag-morning-shmoe","tag-shmoe-browfurrowed"],"yoast_head":"\n