<\/p>\n
Scene 1: West Wing of the White House, Monday at 7 a.m.<\/p>\n
President Trump (PT) \u2013 Bannon. Bannon!\u00a0 Where the hell are you Steve?<\/p>\n
Vice President Pence (VPP) \u2013 Mr. President, please stop shouting.\u00a0 You fired Steve Bannon a few weeks ago.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 I did?\u00a0 What the hell was I drinking?<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 I believe you were cold sober sir.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 This is awful.\u00a0 I\u2019m negotiating tax and policy priorities with Cryin\u2019 Chuck Schumer and Crypt Keeper Pelosi.\u00a0 And I don\u2019t have anyone with the cajones to warn me when I\u2019m being played.<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 Well, Mr. President I\u2019ve always tried to give you good advice on policy.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Nothing personal Mike, but you\u2019d bring a slingshot to a gunfight and I need someone who\u2019d tell me to bring an RPG.<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 Well I don\u2019t think Steve is in the mood to help right now.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Then get me someone who is outside the Washington circle.\u00a0 I need a man of the deplorables.<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 Are you looking for the lunatic fringe?<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 No, someone without the tattoos and MRE stockpile.\u00a0 Or at least with a minimum of either.<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 Well how about that guy with the blog.\u00a0 What was it camera guy at Big Dipper something?<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 You talking about photog at orionscoldfire.com?<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 Yeah, that guy.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 I threw him out last time.\u00a0 He always ends up pissing me off.\u00a0 But you know, his advice is usually pretty good.\u00a0 And he was from Brooklyn in the day.\u00a0 Alright get him down here.\u00a0 And hurry, Schumer is trying to get me to put in transgender bathrooms in the West Wing.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Scene 2 :\u00a0 West Wing, outside the Oval Office \u00a0Tuesday 10 a.m., photog is knocking tentatively on the door, while a marine eyes him suspiciously<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Come in photog, and close the door behind you.<\/p>\n
Photog (PHT) \u2013 Good morning Mr. President.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Sit down and have a pastry.\u00a0 I have them flown in from an Italian Bakery in Queens.\u00a0 They\u2019re the best.<\/p>\n
PHT \u2013 Thank you sir but I\u2019m not hungry.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Don\u2019t be such a stiff.\u00a0 You\u2019re an Italian.\u00a0 You know nothing important gets decided unless bread is broken.\u00a0 Have a sfogliatella.<\/p>\n
PHT \u2013 Sure, thanks.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 And have some coffee.\u00a0 It\u2019s the best in the world.\u00a0 I have it cold brewed fresh every day.<\/p>\n
PHT \u2013 Thanks I will.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Alright, now that I\u2019ve put you at ease, I need you to give me some information and maybe advice.<\/p>\n
PHT \u2013 What do you want to know?<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 What are the real people thinking?<\/p>\n
PHT \u2013 Mr. President, they\u2019re confused and worried.\u00a0 They\u2019re seeing how useless the republicans in Congress are and they don\u2019t know if you can make them do the right thing.\u00a0 Ryan and McConnell are either useless or working against you.\u00a0 McCain is actively siding with the Democrats and you\u2019re mending fences with Chuck and Nancy.\u00a0 Plus the White House seems to be pushing for amnesty for illegal aliens and now you even seem to be reneging on the Paris Accord decision.\u00a0 A lot of people think you\u2019ve lost your nerve or are being blackmailed by Mueller.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 What about you?\u00a0 Is that what you think?<\/p>\n
PHT \u2013 I was willing to wait until you actually committed on some of these things.\u00a0 But it does seem like things are getting a bit confusing.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Boy, I gotta say.\u00a0 You people are a bunch of rabbits.\u00a0 You can\u2019t win a negotiation if you don\u2019t even get the other side to come to the table. \u00a0Don\u2019t you think I know how the optics look when you\u2019re courting the victim, I mean partner?\u00a0 You\u2019ve got to speak their language a little to loosen things up.\u00a0 It\u2019s not like I\u2019m gonna let Cryin\u2019 Chuck get what he wants.\u00a0 I just want him to think he got the best deal he could.<\/p>\n
PHT \u2013 Well, I sure hope you\u2019re right. I\u2019d hate to go into the mid-terms without the country feeling like you can get the country moving in the right direction on immigration.\u00a0 After all you said there was gonna be a wall and so far there isn\u2019t.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Look I\u2019m working all the angles and I\u2019ll have a policy in place that will satisfy the anti-immigration agenda.\u00a0 But it\u2019s going to take time.\u00a0 What I need to know is what can I do short-term to keep the natives from getting restless?<\/p>\n
PHT \u2013 I\u2019d say the best thing you can do is stomp on all of George Soros\u2019s zombies.\u00a0 Go after Antifa and BLM and Sanctuary Cities with everything you\u2019ve got.\u00a0 Make\u2019em squeal and get their leaders in jail where they belong.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 That\u2019s pretty strong medicine.\u00a0 It\u2019s gonna be tough to get the FBI and the DOJ to work with me on that.<\/p>\n
PHT \u2013 Well. You asked me what would get you some street cred with your voters.\u00a0 That\u2019s what it\u2019ll take.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 You know it\u2019s funny.\u00a0 You never have any good news for me.\u00a0 Only lousy jobs to do.\u00a0 Why is that.<\/p>\n
PHT \u2013 Because you say you want to be the greatest president.\u00a0 That means you have to save the United States from the cancer that\u2019s been allowed to metastasize throughout the country for a century.\u00a0 Chemotherapy isn\u2019t fun and no one smiles at the doctor when he starts the infusion.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Man, are you grim.\u00a0 Look, thanks for the information.\u00a0 But do me a favor.\u00a0 Before you come back here next time, make sure you\u2019re on your meds.\u00a0 Your brand of industrial strength pessimism is too much for even my self-confidence.<\/p>\n
PHT \u2013 Well Mr. President, you know, \u201ca prophet is not without honor, save in his own country.\u201d<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Okay, Nostradamus, you\u2019re done.\u00a0 Don\u2019t let the Oval Office door hit you in the butt on the way out.\u00a0 And don\u2019t call us, we\u2019ll call you, maybe.<\/p>\n
PHT \u2013 Goodbye Mr. President.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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