{"id":1502,"date":"2017-09-22T23:14:44","date_gmt":"2017-09-23T03:14:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/?p=1502"},"modified":"2017-09-22T23:14:44","modified_gmt":"2017-09-23T03:14:44","slug":"trump-vs-a-madison-avenue-bus-ride","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/09\/22\/trump-vs-a-madison-avenue-bus-ride\/","title":{"rendered":"Trump vs A Madison Avenue Bus Ride"},"content":{"rendered":"

Scene 1: Outside Trump Tower, Corner of 57th<\/sup> and Madison, around sunset<\/p>\n

Narrator \u2013 Picture if you can a man who has great wealth, a beautiful wife and family and the most powerful job in the world.\u00a0 You might think he hadn\u2019t a care in the world.\u00a0 And you would be wrong.\u00a0 This is the story of a man who needs good advice and there isn\u2019t a soul in the world he can talk to.\u00a0 But maybe there\u2019s one in the Twilight Zone (fair parody usage, really!)<\/p>\n

President Trump (PT) \u2013 Joe, what if I just take a stroll down to the corner and back?\u00a0 I haven\u2019t been in Manhattan in months.\u00a0 What would be the harm?<\/p>\n

Secret Service Agent (SSA) \u2013 I\u2019m sorry Mr. President.\u00a0 That\u2019s impossible.\u00a0 You shouldn\u2019t even be standing this close to the street.\u00a0 The car is still half a block away.\u00a0 (touching his ear and talking to his lapel)\u00a0 Hey, Bravo 12 who let that old bus onto Madison.\u00a0 It\u2019s pulling up to the curb.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Joe, I\u2019ll be right back.\u00a0 See ya later.\u00a0 (Runs into the open door of the old city bus).<\/p>\n

SSA \u2013 All units, blockade bus heading north on Madison.\u00a0 POTUS has been abducted.\u00a0 (voice over radio in his ear, \u201cJoe, what bus?\u00a0 There\u2019s nothing there.)<\/p>\n

Scene 2: Inside bus.\u00a0 PT standing next to the driver in the front of the bus.<\/p>\n

Bus Driver (BD) \u2013 Okay pal, that\u2019ll be fifteen cents fare.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Do you have change for a hundred.<\/p>\n

BD \u2013 What are you a weisenheimer?<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 I wasn\u2019t expecting to need change.\u00a0 How come the fare is so low?<\/p>\n

BD \u2013 Oh, it\u2019s too low.\u00a0 Listen to Rockefeller over here.\u00a0 Look buddy either pay up or get off.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 I got it, I got it.\u00a0 Calm down.<\/p>\n

BD \u2013 Good. \u00a0Now sit down you\u2019re making me nervous.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Is this bus going past St Patrick\u2019s Cathedral?<\/p>\n

BD \u2013 Boy you are turned around.\u00a0 We\u2019re going north.\u00a0 If you stay on after the turn around at 96th<\/sup> you can get there in another 20 minutes.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Okay, thanks.<\/p>\n

BD \u2013 So why ya heading to church?\u00a0 It\u2019s Thursday.\u00a0 Somebody sick.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 I need some guidance.<\/p>\n

BD \u2013 Yeah, don\u2019t we all.\u00a0 You look like an Episcopalian.\u00a0 Why St Patrick\u2019s?<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 I\u2019m friends with the Cardinal.<\/p>\n

BD \u2013 Who are you supposed to be?\u00a0 The Mayor?<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 I\u2019m the President of the United States.<\/p>\n

BD \u2013 Hey pal.\u00a0 This bus is going down Madison.\u00a0 It won\u2019t be passing Bellvue.\u00a0 You may be going bald but you\u2019re certainly not Ike.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Who says I\u2019m going bald.\u00a0 This is my own hair.\u00a0 Ike?<\/p>\n

BD \u2013 Sure, whatever, we get all kinds of nuts on this line.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 So what kind of nostalgia service uses these old buses?\u00a0 Is it a tourist company?<\/p>\n

BD \u2013 Old?\u00a0 This is a brand-new model.\u00a0 It\u2019s a 1956.\u00a0 General Motors latest.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 1956? What have you been smoking?<\/p>\n

BD \u2013 Camels filterless.\u00a0 Why, you want one?<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 On a bus?\u00a0 Oh never mind, keep up the act.\u00a0 I guess it\u2019s part of the tour.<\/p>\n

BD \u2013 (under his breath) Some kind of nut.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Street seems really quiet.\u00a0 No traffic.<\/p>\n

BD \u2013 It\u2019s after 6 pm.\u00a0 Rush-hour\u2019s over.\u00a0 Town\u2019s empty.\u00a0 Not much going on Thursday night.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 (under his breath) Some kind of nut.<\/p>\n

BD \u2013 So, what\u2019s this trouble you need help with, if you don\u2019t mind me asking?\u00a0 Bus drivers are like priests and bartenders.\u00a0 Everyone tells them their troubles.\u00a0 Maybe I\u2019ve heard it before.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Well I have these big ideas but everyone is against me and even my friends and wife are always giving me grief.<\/p>\n

BD \u2013 Tell me about it.\u00a0 Whenever I tell Alice about one of my great money making ideas she gives me that look and starts telling me why it\u2019ll fail.\u00a0 And talking to Norton, that\u2019s my friend upstairs, is like talking to a wall.\u00a0 He\u2019s as thick as a brick.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Yeah, it\u2019s just like that.\u00a0 Melania is always telling me how great it was when we lived in Manhattan and how come we can\u2019t go back.\u00a0 And Mike Pence is no help at all.\u00a0 All he ever says is \u201cwork with Ryan, work with Ryan.\u201d\u00a0 Ha.\u00a0 Might as well be talking to a wall.<\/p>\n

BD \u2013 Boy, don\u2019t I know that feeling.\u00a0 It\u2019s, \u201cwhen are we getting out of Bensonhurst?\u201d and \u201cwhy can\u2019t we buy a new refrigerator?\u201d\u00a0 She thinks I\u2019m made of money.\u00a0 Not that I don\u2019t do okay but how much can you buy on $62 a week?<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Boy I really am gonna have to stimulate the economy.\u00a0 It really is a third world job market out there.<\/p>\n

BD \u2013 Huh?<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 You seem pretty sharp.\u00a0 What would you say is the biggest problem facing the world right now?<\/p>\n

BD \u2013 The Commie newspaper guys at the Times.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Yeah I agree.\u00a0 Them and CNN.<\/p>\n

BD \u2013 C and N?<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Yeah, that Acosta guy is brutal.\u00a0 I\u2019ve blocked him on Twitter.<\/p>\n

BD \u2013 Huh?<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Let\u2019s not go over it again.\u00a0 I\u2019m tired of that guy all together.\u00a0 So, what\u2019s the answer?\u00a0 What should I do?<\/p>\n

BD \u2013 A very wise man once told me not to listen to the naysayers.\u00a0 Just don\u2019t give up.\u00a0 Give it all you\u2019ve got and reach for that high note.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 That\u2019s pretty good advice.\u00a0 Never mind the church.\u00a0 Look we\u2019re back at Trump Tower.\u00a0 Drop me off here.<\/p>\n

BD \u2013 Okay here you go.\u00a0 Which Tower did you say?<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Trump.\u00a0 And thanks for the advice.\u00a0 You\u2019re the smartest nut I\u2019ve ever talked to.<\/p>\n

BD \u2013 Likewise pal.\u00a0 And give my regards to Mamie.\u00a0 Har-har-hardy-har-har.\u00a0 (under his breath) What a nut!\u00a0 Wait\u2019ll I tell Norton.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Mamie?\u00a0 Gee what a nut.\u00a0 Wait\u2019ll I tell Melania.<\/p>\n

SSA \u2013 Mr. President, are you alright?<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Couldn\u2019t be better Joe.<\/p>\n

SSA \u2013 That old bus is gone again.\u00a0 Where did it go?<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 To a different place.\u00a0 And I hope he gets there alright.<\/p>\n

SSA \u2013 (under his breath)\u00a0 I\u2019ve gotta get a new gig.<\/p>\n

Narrator- An hallucination or a midtown apparition from a simpler time?\u00a0 Either way, life\u2019s no Honeymoon here in the Twilight Zone.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Scene 1: Outside Trump Tower, Corner of 57th and Madison, around sunset Narrator \u2013 Picture if you can a man who has great wealth, a<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,288,6],"tags":[390,389,168,16,391],"class_list":["post-1502","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-current-events","category-humor","category-trump","tag-conservative-humor","tag-honeymooners","tag-humor","tag-trump","tag-trump-humor"],"yoast_head":"\nTrump vs A Madison Avenue Bus Ride - Orion's Cold Fire<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/09\/22\/trump-vs-a-madison-avenue-bus-ride\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Trump vs A Madison Avenue Bus Ride - 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