Resurfacing after his escape from Disney World, Animatronic Biden (AB) has taken the 2021 Summer Olympics, women\u2019s decathlon by storm.\u00a0 Wearing a blue wig but still dressed in the business suit Disney equipped him with, AB has broken women\u2019s records in all events.\u00a0 The sight of the geriatric cyborg racing down the track in wingtips while his competitors are lashed by his tail wind has become a familiar one.\u00a0 Many of the women withdrew in tears from the remaining events and even the transgender women were heard to complain bitterly that AB was no woman.\u00a0 But such is life in these enlightened times.<\/p>\n
The only truly controversial moment of the first day came during the javelin throw.\u00a0 When the projectile disappeared over the horizon the track officials were temporarily at a loss as to how to measure the throw.\u00a0 Luckily a news service drone was speared by the javelin and the camera output and telemetry were used to document the event.\u00a0 The 2.3 miles (~ 3700 meters) distance represents a very healthy increase to the previous Olympic record of 90.57m.\u00a0 But AB (or as she\u2019s now known Jocelyn Biden) declared, \u201cOh come on man, I would\u2019ve broken the 10,000-meter boundary.\u00a0 This is the work of the patriarchy for sure.\u201d\u00a0 But the officials decided to leave well enough alone.\u00a0 To avoid further issues all UAV\u2019s will be grounded for the upcoming shotput and hammer throws.\u00a0 And the equipment for these events will be equipped with trackable GPS devices to facilitate measurement and also provide documentation for civil and criminal lawsuits in the case of further impacts.<\/p>\n
After it became clear that Jocelyn would be the 2021 decathlon champion, CNN\u2019s Chris (Fredo) Cuomo attempted to get a comment from 1976 decathlon gold medal champion Caitlyn Jenner.\u00a0 But all Jenner would say was, \u201cThat\u2019s too weird even for me, dude.\u201d<\/p>\n
CNN had Don Lemon interviewing the dazzling automated athlete.\u00a0 But an ugly moment occurred when Jocelyn attempted to sniff Don\u2019s hair and massage his shoulders.\u00a0 Some error in the calibration of Jocelyn\u2019s grip must have been present because she accidentally tore the vivacious Mr. Lemon\u2019s arms off at the shoulder.\u00a0 Prompt medical response was able to save the veteran reporter\u2019s life but this injury has made his job at the network much more difficult.\u00a0 But CNN being the progressive and compassionate place that it is has begun assembling a team of assistants who will surround Don and provide every service that a man with no arms requires.\u00a0 An arm double will stand behind Don and hold his microphone and gesticulate and point to the things that Don would have himself.\u00a0 Another assistant will be in charge of vivacity.\u00a0 He will provide any sexual horseplay that the irrepressible Mr. Lemon is known for.\u00a0 And finally, a separate team will be in charge of the bodily requirements of the star.\u00a0 Mr. Lemon had a brief statement during which he said that, \u201cThis experience has given me a whole new perspective on the right to bear arms.\u201d<\/p>\n
Following this incident, the Olympic rules committee decided that Jocelyn would be excluded from the wrestling, martial arts and other contact sports.\u00a0 She predictably was quoted as saying, \u201cOh come on man!\u201d\u00a0 The White House has sent supportive messages of congratulations from the president and all his staff.\u00a0 Biden was quoted as saying, \u201cThis is a great day for American women of every kind, XX, XY or silicon chip.\u00a0 And she\u2019s quite a looker too!\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Resurfacing after his escape from Disney World, Animatronic Biden (AB) has taken the 2021 Summer Olympics, women\u2019s decathlon by storm.\u00a0 Wearing a blue wig but<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2945,288],"tags":[3194,3193,390,168,1832],"class_list":["post-15305","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-biden-humor","category-humor","tag-animatronic-biden","tag-biden-humor","tag-conservative-humor","tag-humor","tag-joe-biden"],"yoast_head":"\n