The final results of the November election here in Dunwich were posted today.<\/p>\n
First Selectman \u2013 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Cthulhu \u2013 800 votes<\/p>\n
Selectman \u2013 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Nyarlathotep \u2013 800 votes<\/p>\n
Selectman \u2013 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Fred Peterson \u2013 800 votes<\/p>\n
Selectman \u2013 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Yog-Sothoth \u2013 800 votes<\/p>\n
Selectman \u2013\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Dagon \u2013 800 votes<\/p>\n
Treasurer \u2013 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Azathoth \u2013 800 votes<\/p>\n
At the town meeting announcing the results, town resident Dave Farber raised a motion to have the election results challenged on the basis that only the incumbents received votes and all the tallies were exactly 800 votes whereas the voter rolls only included 417 registered voters.\u00a0 Dave was promptly eaten by Cthulhu and the motion was not seconded.<\/p>\n
Martha Featherstone put a question to the selectmen asking how a being of primordial chaos and bubbling space ooze could work a keyboard for the treasurer\u2019s report spreadsheet.\u00a0 Martha was eaten by Cthulhu and the only answer to the question was some muffled digestive tract rumblings from the First Selectman.\u00a0 Needless to say, there were no further motions or questions from the audience.<\/p>\n
The next item on the agenda was a report by Dagon on the Miskatonic River Reclamation Project.\u00a0 It was a particularly long and repetitive power point slide deck that concentrated on the dredging of Sentinel Hill Pond to allow for stocking the pond with game fish.\u00a0 Unfortunately the stock proposed were all relatives of Dagon and based on what I could see from the photos of their size any fisherman that went out on that pond in a small boat wouldn\u2019t be coming back home.\u00a0 But polite noises were made by all there because Cthulhu was starting to get a little agitated again.<\/p>\n
The next item was a report by Fred Peterson on COVID vaccination mandates and how it would impact town government. \u00a0When Fred finished his report he mentioned in an off-hand way that all selectmen would have to be vaccinated by Winter Solstice.\u00a0 All the other selectmen recoiled in fear at being exposed to this kind of health risk.\u00a0 A quick vote was taken by the selectmen to vote down this requirement after which Cthulhu ate Fred Peterson.\u00a0 A note was added to the minutes to reflect the need to call a special election to fill Fred\u2019s vacant spot on the board.\u00a0 Cthulhu asked for a moment of silence in honor of Fred who everybody agreed was a heck of a sweet guy and always a good sport about his minority status on the board as the only Methodist.<\/p>\n
And that concluded the business at hand.\u00a0 It was decided that less important items like the Christmas light displays and the somewhat backlogged missing persons report would be handled next week in a closed session before the Thanksgiving through New Year Recess.\u00a0 The First Selectman thanked everyone present for their public spiritedness in showing up at a time when everyone was so busy with holiday shopping and fighting for their lives against ghouls erupting out of Arkham Forest.\u00a0 He wished everyone a Happy Thanksgiving, a Merry Christmas, a Happy Chanukah and a Blessed Kwanzaa.\u00a0 I left at that point but based on what I heard later Cthulhu may also have eaten the last five people in the building on his way out.\u00a0 That First Selectman!\u00a0 You\u2019ve really got to watch him.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
The final results of the November election here in Dunwich were posted today. First Selectman \u2013 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Cthulhu \u2013 800 votes Selectman \u2013 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Nyarlathotep<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[288,3366,1263],"tags":[3341,3367],"class_list":["post-16648","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","category-life-in-dunwich","category-stuff-that-personally-interests-me-miscellaneous","tag-dunwich","tag-dunwich-complainer"],"yoast_head":"\n