Scene 1: \u00a0White House West Wing; Monday 8 a.m.<\/p>\n
President Trump (PT) \u2013 Mike, Mike!!!\u00a0 Where the hell are you, guy?<\/p>\n
Vice President Trump (VPP) \u2013 Right here Mr. President.\u00a0 How can I help you?<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Mike, that slug is up to her old tricks again.<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 Can you be more specific, Sir?<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Yeah, that old witch Hillary tried comparing me to Weinstein.\u00a0 I\u2019m not gonna let her get away with that.<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 A twitter barrage this morning then?<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Not good enough.\u00a0 As my hero Deadpool would say this calls for maximum effort.<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 Yes, but he\u2019s usually referring to mayhem or some even worse form of ultra-violence.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Well, I\u2019m not ruling anything out yet, but I think we can limit this to non-lethal means.<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 Sounds like a very balanced and measured response on your part sir.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Exactly.<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 Might I ask what avenue of attack you plan on employing?<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 I\u2019m gonna go after Bill.<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 Go after him how, particularly?<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Let\u2019s just say it will involve a fishing expedition.\u00a0 I want to land the Great White Whale.<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 What\u2019s the bait?<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 His favorite meal.<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 Never mind.\u00a0 Let\u2019s pretend I didn\u2019t ask.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Exactly.<\/p>\n
Scene 2:\u00a0 A deserted warehouse somewhere outside Washington D.C.; Midnight, Wednesday of that week.<\/p>\n
Former President Clinton in a trenchcoat and downturned fedora walking down the sidewalk toward an opened lighted doorway.<\/p>\n
Bill Clinton (BC) \u2013 I\u2019m here for the Seafood Surprise.<\/p>\n
Doorman \u2013 What\u2019s the password?<\/p>\n
BC \u2013 The Big Dog is on the hunt again.<\/p>\n
Doorman \u2013 Okay, come on in.<\/p>\n
BC \u2013 Hillary ain\u2019t gettin\u2019 lucky tonight!<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Scene 3: Inside the warehouse a short time later.\u00a0 A poorly lit room containing an enormous cylindrical steel tank\u00a0with a glass port from which an eerie bluish light emanates.\u00a0 Two men in white lab coats with clip boards stand raptly attentive at the view port.\u00a0 Suddenly a squad of uniformed policemen and some plainclothesmen burst into the room through a double door.<\/p>\n
Agent in Charge (AIC) \u2013 Alpha Squad, detain the lab personnel.\u00a0 Beta Squad, set up the camera equipment.\u00a0 The rest of you follow me over to the viewing port.\u00a0 (over his radio) The target is secured.\u00a0 Send in the VIP.<\/p>\n
(President Trump enters the area and approaches the AIC.)<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Good work Bob, that was masterfully done.\u00a0 Congratulate your team.<\/p>\n
AIC \u2013 Thank you sir.\u00a0 Would you like to view the subject now?<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Like isn\u2019t exactly how I\u2019d describe it, but let\u2019s get it over with.<\/p>\n
Stepping over to the view screen and next to a video crew actively recording, they see the otherworldly image of a giant squid fully 40 feet long cowering against one of the outlet valves while a very pasty, flabby aged man wearing an aqua lung, flippers and nothing else was performing unspeakable acts with several of the squids tentacles.\u00a0 It was apparent even to the cephalopodically untrained eye that the squid was extremely embarrassed and very scared.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Yeah, that\u2019s him alright.\u00a0 He was always hanging around the steam room at the New York Health and Racquet Club so, unfortunately, I can confirm that\u2019s him.<\/p>\n
AIC \u2013 How do you want to handle the arrest?<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 What agencies have jurisdiction?<\/p>\n
AIC \u2013 Off-hand I\u2019d say the ASPCA and the shellfish division of the FDA.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Fine, but make sure the newspapers get some of this footage for tomorrow\u2019s front page.<\/p>\n
AIC – Well, the only one that might print this is National Geographic and even they might black box it.\u00a0 Personally, I\u2019m gonna need a lot of gin to unsee this.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Yeah, I\u2019m going with witch hazel and turpentine.<\/p>\n
AIC \u2013 That should do it.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Scene 4 White House West Wing, the next morning.<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 Sir, I\u2019ll have to say your fishing trip has been an unbelievable success.\u00a0 Former President Clinton was preemptively neutered by the attending veterinarian during his extraction from the squid tank.\u00a0 The Clinton Foundation is being shut down and liquidated under the RICO laws, Chuck Schumer has decided to become a republican and Nancy Pelosi has switched from tuna salad to chicken and is retiring from Congress.\u00a0 Even the New York Times has taken a vacation from bashing you and is evaluating a change in editorial perspective.\u00a0 I hear they\u2019re going to go with a headline tomorrow that says \u201cWe Were Wrong, Lock Them Up.\u201d<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 That reminds me, what\u2019s going on with Hillary?<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 Well Mr. President, no one has seen her since yesterday but there is a report that after the giant Squid was released into the Atlantic off the Potomac some sailors reported a strange island appeared off the coast that included monolithic masonry that they said had a very strange geometry and that a winged squid-headed dragon emerged and flew straight for the Clinton town house.\u00a0 After what the neighbors described as a combination of gale force winds and the screeching of a banshee they saw the Dragon carry off Secretary Clinton out to sea.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Well, I\u2019m no fan but I wouldn\u2019t want to see that happen to anyone.<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 Considering how you feel about Hillary that\u2019s quite generous of you, sir.\u00a0 After all she is an old woman.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Are you kidding me?\u00a0 I\u2019m worried for Cthulhu.\u00a0 I mean, he\u2019s clearly outmatched.<\/p>\n
VPP – Point taken sir.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Scene 1: \u00a0White House West Wing; Monday 8 a.m. President Trump (PT) \u2013 Mike, Mike!!!\u00a0 Where the hell are you, guy? Vice President Trump (VPP)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,288,6],"tags":[479,362,364,16,391,373],"class_list":["post-1682","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-current-events","category-humor","category-trump","tag-bill-clinton","tag-cthulhu","tag-hillary-clinton","tag-trump","tag-trump-humor","tag-trump-vs"],"yoast_head":"\n