James Carville, the \u201cRagin\u2019 Cajun\u201d carnival barker of democratic political advisors, this week counselled President Joe Biden to adopt a radical strategy to restore his presidency, medically induced coma.\u00a0 The ingenious plan came to Carville when he analyzed micro polls that are taken every second of the day on the interwebs and register the meaningless momentary thoughts of very stupid people who constantly click on web polls.\u00a0 During Dementia Joe\u2019s colonoscopy Carville noted that Biden\u2019s job approval trended continuously upward from 12.0% to a mind-boggling 12.6%.\u00a0 Interestingly during this same time period when Kamala Harris was the de facto President of the United States her job approval rating went from 1.6% to 0.1%.<\/p>\n
Carville immediately saw the possibilities and crafted the plan.\u00a0 He advised Sleepy Joe to have himself placed in a medically induced coma for the remainder of his term in office.\u00a0 By November of 2024 Carville calculated that Biden\u2019s approval rating will be approximately 124.3%.\u00a0 This should guarantee his reelection and allow him the mandate he\u2019ll need to fundamentally transform the United States, again.<\/p>\n
But when the plan was approved and announced to the Biden cabinet it spawned a firestorm of outrage.\u00a0 Kamala Harris screamed, \u201cHe\u2019s not leaving me holding the bag on this turkey of an administration.\u00a0 I\u2019ll beat him to the punch. \u00a0I\u2019m gonna coma this afternoon.\u201d\u00a0 And just like that every member of the administration in the chain of succession to the presidency rushed to Walter Reed Medical Center to be induced into medical comas.\u00a0 The only mishap was with Speaker Pelosi.\u00a0 While setting up the IV, a few drops of her blood came in contact with a spark and because of the high alcohol content there was a flash back in which the Speaker of the House was incinerated.<\/p>\n
This brilliant strategy has had one drawback.\u00a0 Once the chain reaction of comas subsided it was discovered that the presidential succession devolved onto Cletus Burbank, the night janitor at the White House.\u00a0 But the amazing thing is that despite Carville\u2019s data once Burbank was installed as president his job approval rating soared to 94.1%.\u00a0 When contacted to account for this anomalous success, interim President Burbank stated, \u201cI make sure all the doors are locked before I leave in the morning and all the toilets are cleaned and have a roll of paper.\u00a0 Everything else is somebody else\u2019s problem, if you know what I mean.\u201d<\/p>\n
Republican strategists are working feverishly to counter this brilliant ploy and vow to have both the Republican members of Congress and the Republican Supreme Court appointees under medical comas within the week.\u00a0 Mitch McConnel was heard to say, \u201cIf those bastards think we\u2019ll take this lying down \u2026 well I guess they\u2019re right.\u00a0 Because I suppose you have to lie down when you\u2019re in a coma.\u201d<\/p>\n
The upshot of this phenomenon in Washington is that the federal government has ground to a virtual standstill.\u00a0 Coincidentally, GDP has soared and crime has dipped to its lowest level in 100 years.\u00a0 No one in the government was available for comment.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
James Carville, the \u201cRagin\u2019 Cajun\u201d carnival barker of democratic political advisors, this week counselled President Joe Biden to adopt a radical strategy to restore his<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2945,5,288],"tags":[3193,168],"class_list":["post-16825","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-biden-humor","category-current-events","category-humor","tag-biden-humor","tag-humor"],"yoast_head":"\n