<\/p>\n
Scene 1: White House West Wing; Monday 8 a. m.<\/p>\n
President Trump (PT) \u2013 Mike, Mike!!\u00a0 Where the hell are you Mike?<\/p>\n
Vice President Pence (VPP) \u2013 Right here as always Mr. President.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Oh, good.\u00a0 Look Mike, I know you\u2019re the VP and all that but it occurs to me that I really need to require extreme vetting on anyone who wants to be President after I\u2019m through with the job.\u00a0 And that\u2019s either tomorrow if they tick me off and I quit or thirty years from now if I decide to hold onto the gig.<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 Ahhh, that not exactly true Mr. President.\u00a0 You are term limited to eight years by the Constitution.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Well unless I get that changed.<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 That\u2019s not possible for you, only a future President could benefit from such a change.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 You see, and it\u2019s just this kind of attitude that shows I\u2019ll need to vet you extremely to make sure you\u2019ve got the right attitude to be President.\u00a0 I mean suppose you got in and then we found out you were low energy like the Bushes.\u00a0 That would truly suck and so I can\u2019t let that happen.<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 Yes sir.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 But don\u2019t worry Mike.\u00a0 You\u2019ll be allowed to skip the early rounds and start in the semi-finals.\u00a0 I\u2019m thinking of getting some guys in at the beginning that will fill out the blooper reel.\u00a0 I figure Jeb, Kasich and that crazy dame whatsername, Purina.<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 I think you\u2019re talking about Carly Fiorina.\u00a0 Purina is a dog food.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Well yeah but you see the link.<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 Ahh.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Exactly.<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 Well, Mr. President, it sounds like you\u2019ll be very busy with preparations.\u00a0 If I can be of any assistance just let me know.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Sure, yes me to death.\u00a0 I\u2019m not fooled but I\u2019ll let you go.\u00a0 I do have a lot to get done.<\/p>\n
Scene 2 Oval Office:\u00a0 President trump on the phone with Jeb Bush.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 So let me get this straight.\u00a0 You\u2019re willing to compete but you want a guarantee that I won\u2019t say that you\u2019re low energy?<\/p>\n
Jeb Bush (JB) \u2013 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 I demand to be treated with the respect I\u2019ve earned as the Governor of Florida and the brother and son of United States Presidents.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Well, I think the answer to that is dependent on your definition of respect.\u00a0 The first event in the competition is hosting Barron\u2019s birthday party.\u00a0 I was thinking of a traditional Bozo the Clown costume but I\u2019m not opposed to a Crusty the Clown costume either.\u00a0 Of course, the Crusty costume is cheaper to rent.\u00a0 Your choice.<\/p>\n
JB \u2013 Why that\u2019s outrageous.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 I know.\u00a0 Bozo has been out of the public spotlight for decades and still they demand a 15% premium at the checkout register.\u00a0 Outrageous.<\/p>\n
JB \u2013 You must be out of your mind if you think I\u2019ll stoop to such juvenile behavior.\u00a0 No self-respecting public official would allow himself to be held up to such ridicule just for the sake of your endorsement.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Kasich went with the Clown from It.<\/p>\n
JB \u2013 I\u2019ll go with the Bozo.\u00a0 But I\u2019ll bring my own shoes.\u00a0 Fungus you know.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 That\u2019s the spirit.\u00a0 Now make sure you\u2019re six hours early for the party.\u00a0 That make-up is tricky.<\/p>\n
JB \u2013 Thank you Mr. President.\u00a0 I\u2019ll be there seven hours early.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 (hanging up the phone) I wonder if I should have mentioned the seltzer and whip cream pies?\u00a0 Ahhh, he\u2019ll figure it out.\u00a0 Gee, I wonder if I can get the monkey that flings his poo.\u00a0 Kids love that stuff.\u00a0 Well, I do anyway.\u00a0 Boy, Jeb is gonna be the whole blooper reel at this rate.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Scene 1: White House West Wing; Monday 8 a. m. President Trump (PT) \u2013 Mike, Mike!!\u00a0 Where the hell are you Mike? Vice President<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,288,6],"tags":[487,16,391,373],"class_list":["post-1700","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-current-events","category-humor","category-trump","tag-the-white-house-apprentice","tag-trump","tag-trump-humor","tag-trump-vs"],"yoast_head":"\n