{"id":17227,"date":"2022-01-03T14:16:04","date_gmt":"2022-01-03T19:16:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/?p=17227"},"modified":"2022-01-03T14:16:04","modified_gmt":"2022-01-03T19:16:04","slug":"now-is-the-heating-system-of-my-discontent-turned-glorious-prose-by-this-sun-of-a-gun","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2022\/01\/03\/now-is-the-heating-system-of-my-discontent-turned-glorious-prose-by-this-sun-of-a-gun\/","title":{"rendered":"Now is the Heating System of My Discontent Turned Glorious Prose by This Sun of a Gun"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Camera Girl and I are huddled together over mugs of tea trying to stave off hypothermia.\u00a0 The heating system finally gave up the ghost last night and the house has settled down to ambient temperatures.\u00a0 We slipped below fifty-five degrees a little while ago and I\u2019ve begun to understand how the Donner party got to where they did.\u00a0 I got off the phone with the \u201ctech manager\u201d a while ago and she was very sympathetic to my plight.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t swear at the woman so that speaks well of me but I did question the competency and integrity of the company.\u00a0 Their pre-recorded message that plays while you\u2019re on hold tells me that they are growing by leaps and bounds and have branches from Vermont to Delaware.\u00a0 Thinking about the viability of every state in that area doesn\u2019t increase my confidence in the business model or mission statement of the \u201cCompany.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>This stream of consciousness post is meant to document my descent into cold induced dementia.\u00a0 Now I can fully understand Joe Biden.\u00a0 His brain is frozen and no meaningful thinking can occur.\u00a0 I forgive him for everything except for the child sniffing and for his cruelty to Corn Pop.\u00a0 Soon I will send Camera Girl off to one of her daughters\u2019 houses to survive.\u00a0 I will stay here and sacrifice myself as a protest against the cruelty and incompetence of \u201cBig Oil\u201d or, more accurately, \u201cSmall Oil.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>My only regret is that I couldn\u2019t live to see Liz Cheney drummed out of the Republican Party and booted out of Congress.\u00a0 Wait, that\u2019s not true.\u00a0 There are other things I wish I could have lived to see.\u00a0 For instance:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Chuck Schumer, Nancy Pelosi, AOC and Liz Cheney forced to work as Amway reps.<\/li>\n<li>The ZMan move out of Lagos on the Chesapeake<\/li>\n<li>Joe Biden audibly fart during the State of the Union address.<\/li>\n<li>Kamala Harris run away screaming at a press conference and never be heard from again.<\/li>\n<li>Lori Lightfoot, Anthony Fauci, Beto O\u2019Rourke and Bill deBlasio arrested for impersonating human beings.<\/li>\n<li>The Mario Cuomo Bridge renamed the Tappan Zee Bridge, Andrew Cuomo renamed Tappan Zee and Chris Cuomo legally renamed Fredo.<\/li>\n<li>The Squad deported to wherever anyone is willing to take them.<\/li>\n<li>Fredo, Don Lemon, Rachel Maddow, Joe Scarborough, Anderson Cooper and Chris Hayes forced by court order to serve for five years as dunk tank clowns in a travelling carnival.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Tell the world my story.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Camera Girl and I are huddled together over mugs of tea trying to stave off hypothermia.\u00a0 The heating system finally gave up the ghost last<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,288,818],"tags":[91,390,1354],"class_list":["post-17227","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-current-events","category-humor","category-ocf","tag-comedy","tag-conservative-humor","tag-current-events"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v20.4 - 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