The First Clinton\/ Trump Debate<\/p>\n
DR: Howdy ladies and gentlemen and welcome to the first Clinton\/Trump debate.\u00a0 My name is Dan Rather and I\u2019ve come out of forced retirement to do my very best to torpedo Donald Trump.\u00a0 We\u2019re here in beautiful Newark, New Jersey to help the American people come to their senses and welcome Hillary Clinton as their next leader.\u00a0 You may remember a few weeks ago that Senator Sanders had a nervous breakdown during his debate with Mr. Trump.\u00a0 Of course no one could explain the presence of LSD in both Senator Sanders\u2019 blood and Senator Clinton\u2019s handbag but we\u2019ve moved on to the task at hand.\u00a0 The Democratic Party reconvened their leadership and drafted Senator Clinton to take over for Sanders as their nominee.\u00a0\u00a0 So let\u2019s welcome the candidates and get this show on the road! [paypal-donation]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" The First Clinton\/ Trump Debate DR: Howdy ladies and gentlemen and welcome to the first Clinton\/Trump debate.\u00a0 My name is Dan Rather and I\u2019ve come<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,288,6],"tags":[168,16],"class_list":["post-174","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-current-events","category-humor","category-trump","tag-humor","tag-trump"],"yoast_head":"\n
\nDR:\u00a0 Good evening Senator Clinton.
\nHC:\u00a0 Hello Dan\u2026 cough cough\u00a0 So good to see you back\u2026 cough cough cough cough cough
\nDR:\u00a0 Good evening Mr. Trump.
\nDT:\u00a0 You still alive Rather?\u00a0 That\u2019s too bad.\u00a0 I thought I\u2019d get to give Stephanopolis a wedgie\u00a0 tonight.
\nDR:\u00a0 If I didn\u2019t need this gig to pay off my trailer mortgage I\u2019d walk out right now.
\nDT:\u00a0 Hey I\u2019ll write you a check and get you on your way.
\nDR:\u00a0 Moving on.\u00a0 The first question is for Mr. Trump.\u00a0 How can the American people trust you to take care of their fiscal problems if you have personally gone bankrupt four separate times?
\nDT:\u00a0 Rather, that just shows how ignorant you are about the realities of modern finance.\u00a0 In each case I used the law to re-align my businesses to thrive in the ultra-competitive environment of today\u2019s economy.\u00a0 I\u2019m sure you\u2019re too stupid to understand this but to a real businessman this would be apparent.
\nHC:\u00a0 Businessperson, not businessman. cough cough cough cough cough
\nDT:\u00a0 What?
\nHC:\u00a0 I corrected your gender exclusive choice of words…cough cough.\u00a0 We\u2019re in the 21st century.\u00a0 Deal with…cough cough cough cough cough…it!
\nDT:\u00a0 Are you serious?\u00a0 You\u2019re gonna pull the woman card for that?\u00a0 Aren\u2019t you afraid that if you waste it on every male pronoun and stereotype that it’ll be all used up when you really need it?\u00a0 Like when I call you a shreiking fat hag and tell you to shut the hell up.
\nHC:\u00a0 How dare… cough cough… you try to… cough cough cough… silence me… Cough cough cough…\u00a0 I\u2019m a strong…cough cough cough cough… woman and I can… cough cough cough cough… put you in your… cough cough cough cough cough… place anytime.
\nDT: Yeah? Well the nineties called and they want your feminism back.
\nHC: Oh yeah,… cough cough… well the… cough cough cough… jerk store<\/strong>… cough cough cough… called… cough cough cough cough… and they’re out of… cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough
\nDT:\u00a0 What the hell is wrong with you?\u00a0 Hey Rather, this old bag sounds like she\u2019s dying of tuberculosis.\u00a0 Unless you can put her in a germ proof bubble I\u2019m getting the hell out of this death trap.
\nHC:\u00a0 Run away… cough cough cough cough cough… you big… cough cough cough cough cough… coward… cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough.
\nDT:\u00a0 That\u2019s it.\u00a0 I\u2019m outta here.\u00a0 Good luck Rather.\u00a0 Hope you make it.\u00a0 So long Consumptive Clinton.
\nDR:\u00a0 And that\u2019s the rest of the story here in Newark tonight.\u00a0 I\u2019m Dan Rather and this is not the evening news.<\/p>\n