{"id":1849,"date":"2017-11-29T10:31:13","date_gmt":"2017-11-29T15:31:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/?p=1849"},"modified":"2017-11-29T10:31:13","modified_gmt":"2017-11-29T15:31:13","slug":"trump-vs-the-unemployables","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/11\/29\/trump-vs-the-unemployables\/","title":{"rendered":"Trump vs the Unemployables"},"content":{"rendered":"

Scene 1: White House Oval Office Wednesday, 10 a.m.<\/p>\n

President Trump (PT) \u2013 Mike, Mike!\u00a0 Where the hell are you Pence?<\/p>\n

Vice President Pence (VPP) \u2013 Right here as usual Mr. President (sigh).<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Look Mike, Unemployment is at historic lows but there is one demographic that isn\u2019t benefiting from the fantastic Trump economy.<\/p>\n

VPP \u2013 Gee, Mr. President, I haven\u2019t heard this report.\u00a0 Which demographic are we discussing.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 The anti-Trump demographic.\u00a0 You know, Hollywood, the MSM and Washington.\u00a0 I mean look at this list.\u00a0 Matt Lauer, George H.W. Bush, Chris Savino, Roy Price, Mark Halperin, Michael Oreskes, Lockhart Steele, Bret Ratner, Dustin Hoffman, Louis C.K., Woody Allen, Charlie Rose, Al Franken, John Conyers, Harvey Weinstein, Kevin Spacey, James Toback, Ben Affleck and Glenn Thrush.\u00a0 It\u2019s an endless list of my loser enemies.<\/p>\n

VPP \u2013 Well sir, is it really a priority to find jobs for such obviously wealthy individuals?<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 You\u2019re missing the point Mike.\u00a0 These cheap bastards are probably already signed up for food stamps and Obamacare.\u00a0 We can\u2019t let them free-ride on the backs of decent working Americans.\u00a0 I will address this on prime-time television tonight.\u00a0 Get my speech writers in here right away.<\/p>\n

VPP \u2013 Yes Mr. President.<\/p>\n

Scene 2: Same Day, 8pm, White House, Oval Office, President seated behind desk and surrounded by audio-visual equipment.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Good evening my fellow Americans.\u00a0 I know I\u2019ve pre-empted Big Bang Theory or whatever it is you watch now but I need your attention, so put the bong down and try to focus.<\/p>\n

I know you are all aware of the almost endless list of #metoo pervs.\u00a0 What you may not be aware of is that almost everyone of them are my personal enemies.\u00a0 Well anyway, I\u2019ve decided that I shouldn\u2019t waste an opportunity.\u00a0 With all these scumbags out of work and fighting enormous lawsuits I have decided to promote a new program FEET.\u00a0 That stands for full employment for the enemies of Trump.\u00a0 You see the \u201cfor,\u201d “the” and \u201cof\u201d aren\u2019t included in the acronym.\u00a0 That\u2019s pretty standard.<\/p>\n

So how it will work is that in exchange for the federal government paying off their lawsuits and keeping them out of prison they\u2019ll be interned at a work camp in North Dakota for five years.\u00a0 There they\u2019ll spend their days providing power for the oil derricks.\u00a0 I don\u2019t have any real information yet but I\u2019m imagining they\u2019ll be chained to a big wheel like that one that Arnold Schwarzenegger was turning in Conan the Barbarian.\u00a0 That would be kind of cool and the walking around in a circle gives the whole FEET thing a tie-in.\u00a0 And they\u2019ll spend their nights cleaning toilets and spittoons in the shale oil patch saloons and strip joints.\u00a0 And I\u2019ve given the proprietors of those establishments specific instructions if any of our boys gets out of hand with the ladies there.\u00a0 Let\u2019s just say there will be some trans-gendering that won\u2019t have to be paid for by the federal government, if you take my meaning.\u00a0 And finally, as a condition of their service they will have to take 5,000 hours of Trump harassment training.\u00a0 Utilizing the latest advances in high voltage aversion training techniques they will truly learn to love the \u201cDear Leader\u201d as my short fat North Korean friend would phrase it.<\/p>\n

Okay, that\u2019s all, you can light up another bowl of weed now.\u00a0 But for pity\u2019s sake go to work tomorrow.\u00a0 We\u2019re trying to make America great again.\u00a0 Do something!\u00a0 Trump out.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Since my readers don’t always stop by every day I figured I’d paste this poll on each post for a while to see what folks call themselves.\u00a0 This is the post the poll came from\u00a0\u00a0Who Are We?<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

… And that got me thinking. Who are the people who read my blog?\u00a0 I thought it might be fun to see what the cross-section looked like.\u00a0 If you feel like saying what you believe in, feel free to leave a comment and\/or pick a label from the poll below.\u00a0 I think it might be interesting.<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

[Total_Soft_Poll id=”6″]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Scene 1: White House Oval Office Wednesday, 10 a.m. President Trump (PT) \u2013 Mike, Mike!\u00a0 Where the hell are you Pence? 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