{"id":1968,"date":"2017-12-27T16:10:30","date_gmt":"2017-12-27T21:10:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/?p=1968"},"modified":"2017-12-27T16:10:30","modified_gmt":"2017-12-27T21:10:30","slug":"new-years-resolutions-2018","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2017\/12\/27\/new-years-resolutions-2018\/","title":{"rendered":"New Year\u2019s Resolutions 2018"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>We\u2019ve done Christmas.\u00a0 Enormous quantities of delicious, toxic foods have been ingested and now clog our arteries and brains.\u00a0 Ancestors and descendants, siblings and their relations, friends and in-laws have been hosted, feted and dispatched.\u00a0 Enormous sums have been expended for gifts that no one will care about or even remember six months from now.\u00a0 With nothing to look forward to until Memorial Day the bleak winter climate of cold and perpetual twilight saps your very will to live.\u00a0 What a perfect time to make life altering decisions about your future!<\/p>\n<p>But let\u2019s not waste the opportunity.\u00a0 Tradition is a powerful force that binds us to the past and informs the future.\u00a0 So, without further ado\u2026<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>I resolve to send one thousand e-mails a day to each of the following groups for each of the following initiatives:\n<ol>\n<li>to ABC advocating that Joy Behar be replaced on the View by a sexbot. But not an attractive, realistic looking one but a really poorly made one.\u00a0 One that looks awful and has an extremely annoying voice.<\/li>\n<li>to the Democratic National Committee demanding that each male Democrat representative and senator, on account of being male, immediately, pre-emptively resign in favor of a woman. Or, if they really, really want to stay, then immediately begin transitioning to trans-woman status.<\/li>\n<li>to the NFL demanding that Joy Behar be installed as special advisor to the Commissioner on domestic abuse allegations, integrating female players into the League and other women\u2019s issues.<\/li>\n<li>to the National Organization of Women (NOW) demanding O. J. Simpson be installed as special investigator into domestic abuse allegations.<\/li>\n<li>to the Disney Corporation demanding that the part of General Leia Organa be given to Hillary Clinton. I\u2019m with her and so is the Force.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<\/li>\n<li>I resolve to begin each day visualizing an affirmation featuring the Clintons, Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi wearing those old timey striped prison uniforms and leg irons working on a chain gang like the one in Cool Hand Luke.<\/li>\n<li>I resolve to always check all links on Drudge to make sure I\u2019m not clicking on an article from The New York Times, Washington Post, Politico or any other purveyors of fake news.<\/li>\n<li>I resolve to boycott the NFL in perpetuity unless they get Kaepernick to grovel and apologize to the police.<\/li>\n<li>I resolve to boycott Hollywood in perpetuity unless they expel Woody Allen, Roman Polansky and the other pedophiles and force Meryl Streep force to grovel and apologize to President Trump.<\/li>\n<li>I resolve to buy American made products whenever a choice exists.<\/li>\n<li>And seriously, I resolve to preferentially support non-leftist alternatives in any and all categories in which I find them.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Happy New Year to all you folks out there.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been enjoying a holiday with friends and family.\u00a0 I\u2019ll be gathering my wits and starting to output new material for the site this week.\u00a0 There are some interesting new things coming up soon including some updates to the site.\u00a0 So, apologies for the sparse output the last few days but I am only slightly superhuman.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&nbsp; We\u2019ve done Christmas.\u00a0 Enormous quantities of delicious, toxic foods have been ingested and now clog our arteries and brains.\u00a0 Ancestors and descendants, siblings and<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,288],"tags":[99,616,615],"class_list":["post-1968","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-current-events","category-humor","tag-new-year","tag-new-years-resolutions","tag-resolutions"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v20.4 - 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