Scene 1 \u2013 New Year\u2019s Day 2018 \u2013 White House, Oval Office<\/p>\n
President Trump (PT) \u2013 Mike, Mike.\u00a0 Pence!\u00a0 Where the hell are you?<\/p>\n
Vice President Pence (VPP) \u2013 Mr. President, I was just on the phone with McConnell.\u00a0 He wants to know what we\u2019re going to do to save the House and Senate in the midterms.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 And I thought Jeb was low energy!\u00a0 Tell him to stop whining.\u00a0 He\u2019s done his part.\u00a0 He got the tax bill passed.\u00a0 I\u2019ll take care of everything else.\u00a0 He can go back to sleep.<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 I\u2019ll tell him Mr. President.\u00a0 But he brings up a good point.\u00a0 With the constant attack provided by the Main Stream Media how can we keep the Democrats from taking back the Congress?<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Mike, haven\u2019t you learned anything from me this year?<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 I\u2019d like to think I have.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Well, does playing defense sound like me?<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 Is holding onto Congress playing defense, Mr. President?<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Of course it is.\u00a0 My plan isn\u2019t to play pattycake with the communists.\u00a0 It\u2019s to scorch the earth that they occupy.\u00a0 I plan to eliminate most of these freeloaders.\u00a0 My vision is to empty Northern Virginia of federal employees.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to eliminate 88% of these jobs and move most of the rest to Montana.\u00a0 Also, I plan to put the salary level on par with Walmart.<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 Is that even possible?<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Think big Mike.\u00a0 If you can dream it, you can do it.\u00a0 What dream do you have?<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 Well Mr. President, I\u2019ve always wanted to achieve world peace.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Well Mike, I respect that kind of epic scope, but I\u2019ve looked into that.\u00a0 It would require elimination of almost 89% of humanity to enact.\u00a0 I\u2019m just not comfortable with that kind of carnage.<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 Huh, what!<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Well, anyway, what I\u2019m planning for 2018 is to flood the zone.\u00a0 We\u2019ll start by closing down the EEOC.<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 Sir, that can\u2019t be done.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 That\u2019s just a figure of speech.\u00a0 We don\u2019t need to actually shut it down.\u00a0 We\u2019ll reduce budget and headcount until it comes in line with the mission we want to achieve.<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 What does that mean?<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 We defang it, decapitate it and leave a remnant for show.\u00a0 Currently there are about 2,000 employees with a budget of $365,000,000.\u00a0 If you do the math that is an average salary of about $180,000.<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 Well Mr. President, that\u2019s their whole budget.\u00a0 That includes other line items beside salary.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Blah, blah, blah, Mike.\u00a0 Look my plan is reduce the staff to 200 people with an average salary of $40,000.\u00a0 That\u2019s a total salary of $8,000,000 for the whole department.\u00a0 Most of those folks will be clericals so that\u2019s about right.\u00a0 I\u2019ll have twenty managers including the department head.\u00a0 And I\u2019ll be damn sure none of the managers are commies.<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 Sir, that\u2019s a bold plan.\u00a0 Can you get it done?<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Bold?\u00a0 That\u2019s just one department.\u00a0 Do you have any idea how much can be saved by carrying out this initiative across the whole federal bureaucracy?<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 But you\u2019ll put millions of people out of work!<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Let\u2019s hope!\u00a0 Oh, we\u2019ll stagger the effect by giving them a severance package and unlimited unemployment benefits.\u00a0 I figure 65% of these people are functionally unemployable.\u00a0 They would actually be a drag on any business that hires them.\u00a0 So it\u2019ll be cheaper to pay them unemployment until retirement age than allow them to continue to harm the American people.\u00a0 And the lower salaries we\u2019ll pay the remnant won\u2019t encourage them to remain in the public sector.\u00a0 We\u2019re about to eviscerate the beast.<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 Mr. President, will the congressional Republicans support this?<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Of course not.\u00a0 They\u2019re part of the beast.\u00a0 But that\u2019s my job, weasel herding.\u00a0 I\u2019m ready to handle their low energy back-stabbing.\u00a0 I\u2019m actually going to enjoy it.\u00a0 Now Mike are you ready to do your job or not?<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 I\u2019ll do the best I can.\u00a0 But this is all so strange and disorienting.\u00a0 It feels almost unreal.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Just the opposite.\u00a0 Reality is just too painful for the sleep-walkers.\u00a0 What I\u2019m trying to do is wean a heroin addict off the drug with methadone.\u00a0 Once he\u2019s seeing reality without the craving he can decide if he\u2019s strong enough to handle full blown withdrawal.\u00a0 America\u2019s been on the needle for so long, it\u2019s fifty-fifty whether it can come back.\u00a0 But that\u2019s our job.\u00a0 We have to give them a chance to choose reality.<\/p>\n
VPP \u2013 So you\u2019re saying the Democrats are the cartel.<\/p>\n
PT \u2013 Very good, you\u2019re learning.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Scene 1 \u2013 New Year\u2019s Day 2018 \u2013 White House, Oval Office President Trump (PT) \u2013 Mike, Mike.\u00a0 Pence!\u00a0 Where the hell are you? Vice<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,288,6],"tags":[390,372,16,391,373],"class_list":["post-2003","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-current-events","category-humor","category-trump","tag-conservative-humor","tag-mike-pence","tag-trump","tag-trump-humor","tag-trump-vs"],"yoast_head":"\n