Here in Dunwich the Evil Party and the Stupid Party cooperate.\u00a0 Typically, First Selectman Cthulhu represents the Evil Party and negotiates with the Stupid Party to determine whom he\u2019ll eat first and whom he\u2019ll leave for last.\u00a0 In between these two cases the order of the other meals can be a surprise both for Cthulhu and the ingestees.\u00a0 Basically, they\u2019re all living in the moment.\u00a0 If the First Selectman happens to be feeling a might peckish then even without any provocation from the various entrees, he may decide to indulge in a snack.\u00a0 And conversely, if the partisan antics of the Stupid Party are indulged in too strenuously, then even a sated or even a queasy Cthulhu may be forced to quiet the proceedings by the process of elimination.<\/p>\n
But after those discussions were done, we got down to the business of making the Great Old Ones great again.\u00a0 Apparently, Dunwich has a four hundredth anniversary this year.\u00a0 On that day in 1622 Cthulhu ate his first Englishman and really, really liked it.\u00a0 For that reason, he signed in blood (someone else\u2019s) the official charter allowing Puritans the exclusive right to colonize what would come to be known as Dunwich.\u00a0 Although back then it was known as New Dunwich. \u00a0In exchange, the inhabitants agreed to forfeit their immortal souls and pay an eight percent sales and real estate tax in perpetuity.\u00a0 That Cthulhu really is evil.\u00a0 Anyway, the anniversary committee gave its report and recommended fire works and a school pageant.\u00a0 Blah, blah, blah.<\/p>\n
At the meeting I was held forth as a candidate for the office of Keeper of the Condiments.\u00a0 This is a high honor and comes with the additional perk that as the purveyor of barbecue sauce for the First Selectman I would be very unlikely to be eaten.\u00a0 Of course, it is a highly demanding job and some folks think it slightly cruel.\u00a0 Before every meeting of the selectmen, I am charged with slathering them with barbecue sauce from head to foot.\u00a0 Most nights it\u2019s just a formality but then again you never know.\u00a0 It would also be my job to keep on hand a thousand-yard spool of nylon rope to be available for use as dental floss as needed.\u00a0 But of course, replenishing the supply is only a very occasional chore.<\/p>\n
I must confess that I have my qualms about accepting the nomination.\u00a0 I mean, it\u2019s not that I don\u2019t despise all of the members of the Stupid Party.\u00a0 After all, they are invertebrates of the first water with no hint of courage or even conscience.\u00a0 As cocktail hors d’oeuvres for a squid headed dragon they would enjoy their finest hour.\u00a0 But wasting that much barbecue sauce on these slugs just rankles.\u00a0 If it was just ketchup or mustard, I think I\u2019d be okay with it but my upbringing was always \u201cwaste not want not.\u201d<\/p>\n
But what the hell.\u00a0 I need the cash.\u00a0 Things have gotten expensive and the job comes with a pension and a tax exemption and eight percent is eight percent after all.\u00a0 And all things considered it\u2019s not the worst position in the town hall.\u00a0 I\u2019ve heard being the First Selectman\u2019s Keeper of the Bicarbonate is a lot worse.\u00a0 I don\u2019t like to think about that one.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Here in Dunwich the Evil Party and the Stupid Party cooperate.\u00a0 Typically, First Selectman Cthulhu represents the Evil Party and negotiates with the Stupid Party<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1263],"tags":[362,3341,3367,3538,1110],"class_list":["post-20050","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-stuff-that-personally-interests-me-miscellaneous","tag-cthulhu","tag-dunwich","tag-dunwich-complainer","tag-evil-party","tag-stupid-party"],"yoast_head":"\n