{"id":2012,"date":"2018-01-05T07:29:41","date_gmt":"2018-01-05T12:29:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/?p=2012"},"modified":"2018-01-05T16:41:03","modified_gmt":"2018-01-05T21:41:03","slug":"trump-vs-independence-day-redux-part-1","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2018\/01\/05\/trump-vs-independence-day-redux-part-1\/","title":{"rendered":"Trump vs Independence Day Redux \u2013 Part 1"},"content":{"rendered":"

Scene 1: NORAD Base in Alaska, 02:30 Hours PST, Wednesday<\/strong><\/p>\n

General Adam Baldwin (GAD) \u2013 Alright Airman, this better be good. I was dreaming of my tarpon fishing trip in Florida when you woke me up so what\u2019s so important?<\/p>\n

Airman Jones (AJ) \u2013 Sir we\u2019ve detected an enormous UFO in high earth orbit. Dozens of smaller objects are separating from the main body and moving in a coordinated fashion toward earth. Each object is about 10 miles in length and travelling at 5 miles per second but decelerating as they approach the atmosphere.<\/p>\n

GAD \u2013 Great Caesar\u2019s Ghost! They\u2019ll reach us in just hours! Put in a call to the Secretary of Defense. The President will have to hear of this immediately.<\/p>\n

AJ \u2013 Yes, sir, I\u2019ve got a line to his office waiting for you.<\/p>\n

GAD \u2013 Good work Jones. Wake up the morning shift duty officer. You\u2019re gonna need more hands. My orders.<\/p>\n

AJ \u2013 Yes sir.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Scene 2: White House West Wing, 6 AM EST, Wednesday, Secretary Mattis is speaking to Vice President Pence outside the Oval Office. President Trump can be heard calling from inside.<\/strong><\/p>\n

President Trump (PT) \u2013 Mike, Mad Dog, get the hell in here. CNN is showing some really lousy video of space invaders and I think Wolf Blitzer just soiled himself. It\u2019s beyond pathetic.<\/p>\n

Vice President Pence (VPP) \u2013 (entering the room) Mr. President, if we can get beyond the unfortunate security leak, we have enormous decisions to make in a very short time.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Yeah, I\u2019ve already gotten a lot of it done. I tweeted to everyone in New York, Los Angeles and Washington to get out of town right away. That should buy us a day to get this mess cleaned up.<\/p>\n

Secretary Mattis (SM) \u2013 Well done Mr. President. Might I suggest we take the opportunity to order all non-military federal workers to remain at their desks for the duration of the firestorm, I mean initial contact.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Yeah, I did that too. Never waste a good crisis.<\/p>\n

VPP \u2013 Mr. President, that’s monstrous!<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Not at all. It\u2019s completely voluntary. I just told them that they\u2019ll be earning triple time rates and mocha lattes would be free for the duration. Anyone who stays is too hopeless to care about anyway.<\/p>\n

VPP \u2013 I think I\u2019m in the wrong movie.<\/p>\n

PT – Don\u2019t worry, if I remember correctly you and the Joint Chiefs of Staff are killed when NORAD is obliterated tomorrow.<\/p>\n

SM \u2013 Sucks to be you Pence.<\/p>\n

VPP \u2013 You don\u2019t know the half of it Mad Dog. But this sounds like a dream post so I\u2019ll take my chances with NORAD.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Whatever Mike. Just follow orders and I won\u2019t have to send you up in the stupid flashing lights negotiations helicopter.<\/p>\n

VPP \u2013 Yes Mr. President, enjoy your dream sequence. (leaves office and scene)<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Jim, I\u2019m gonna skip that whole sequence where we send all our pilots to a horrible meaningless death against space ships protected by force fields.<\/p>\n

SM \u2013 I\u2019m sure they\u2019ll be glad to hear it Mr. President but what will you do instead?<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 I\u2019ve got a little surprise cooked up for the homely buggers. What I need you to do is make sure the cruise missle fleet is ready to be targeted on a moment\u2019s notice.<\/p>\n

SM \u2013 That is easily arranged. But I hope you make it quick Mr. President, these guys are loaded for bear.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Relax, compared to Hillary, these guys are the Three Stooges.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Scene 3 \u2013 Oval Office, Same Day, 9 AM, President Trump at the desk on the phone<\/strong><\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Look Thiel, I don\u2019t care if you and Musk aren\u2019t talking. I need you to get him and his geek squad on a telecon with me at noon your time. That\u2019s right. And any other braniacs you know who can help me kick ET\u2019s butt. Don\u2019t worry the government won\u2019t steal any patents in fact you guys are welcome to anything we come up with to solve this problem. Just hurry.
\n(hangs up the phone and gets on an intercom)<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 General, get everyone out of the White House and onto Marine 1 immediately, except for that vegan pastry chef that Mrs. Trump hired. Tell her to work overtime and prepare something special for this evening. Yeah, exactly, a big surprise.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Scene 4 \u2013 Nevada, Area 51 Same Day, Noon PST, Clean Room Laboratory with large teleconferencing screen set up.<\/strong><\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Thiel, I wanna thank you for assembling this impressive bunch of brilliant but socially awkward science weirdos. Gentlemen your country welcomes you.
\n(various coughs, grunts and nasally sounding exclamations emanate from the A-V equipment)<\/p>\n

Peter Thiel \u2013 President Trump, we\u2019re all curious to know what needs to be done to save the Earth from this threat.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 It\u2019s very simple. I need you dweebs to provide me with a heretofore theoretically impossible laser weapon powerful enough to punch through the impenetrable force fields of our super-intelligent but horribly smelly enemies out there. Oh, and I need it by tomorrow at 10 AM EST.<\/p>\n

Elon Musk (EM) \u2013 But that\u2019s ridiculous!<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Ridiculous like expecting to save energy by building electric cars that are charged off electrical grids that waste 40% of the energy in transmission losses? That kind of ridiculous?<\/p>\n

EM \u2013 I get your point. We\u2019ll have the weapon by 8 AM.<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Good, now go take your amphetamines and get to work you strange little spider monkeys. Trump out.
\n(the screens fade to black)<\/p>\n

SM \u2013 What now Mr. President? Do you want to reach out to the mayors and coordinate humanitarian aid?<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Nah, the evacuation is strictly a precaution, the less efficient it is the less we\u2019ll have to undo afterward. Besides most of those guys are commie jerks who hate my guts. Let them stew a little. It\u2019ll do \u2018em good. I\u2019ve got a golf game scheduled in about an hour. I\u2019ll see you in the morning.<\/p>\n

TO BE CONTINUED<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Trump vs Independence Day Redux \u2013 Part 2<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Scene 1: NORAD Base in Alaska, 02:30 Hours PST, Wednesday General Adam Baldwin (GAD) \u2013 Alright Airman, this better be good. I was dreaming of<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,288,4,6],"tags":[9,167,44,16,391,373],"class_list":["post-2012","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-current-events","category-humor","category-sff","category-trump","tag-adam-baldwin","tag-independence-day","tag-sci-fi","tag-trump","tag-trump-humor","tag-trump-vs"],"yoast_head":"\nTrump vs Independence Day Redux \u2013 Part 1 - Orion's Cold Fire<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2018\/01\/05\/trump-vs-independence-day-redux-part-1\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Trump vs Independence Day Redux \u2013 Part 1 - Orion's Cold Fire\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Scene 1: NORAD Base in Alaska, 02:30 Hours PST, Wednesday General Adam Baldwin (GAD) \u2013 Alright Airman, this better be good. 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