{"id":2028,"date":"2018-01-05T21:57:31","date_gmt":"2018-01-06T02:57:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/?p=2028"},"modified":"2018-01-05T21:57:31","modified_gmt":"2018-01-06T02:57:31","slug":"trump-vs-independence-day-redux-part-3","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2018\/01\/05\/trump-vs-independence-day-redux-part-3\/","title":{"rendered":"Trump vs Independence Day Redux \u2013 Part 3"},"content":{"rendered":"

Trump vs Independence Day Redux \u2013 Part 2<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Scene 1: Thursday, 1145 hours USS Ronald Reagan flight deck,\u00a0 On a raised platform is President Trump (PT), at the microphone, behind him on chairs are various government and military dignitaries and some celebrities and foreign leaders that appear to have been snatched away from their lives without notice. <\/strong><\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Okay people it\u2019s time.\u00a0 In a few minutes the greatest battle ever fought will begin and we will vanquish the evil ugly and reputedly smelly enemy or we will die. \u00a0Now I\u2019m not talking about Hillary.\u00a0 She\u2019s already taken care.\u00a0 In fact, she\u2019s still bobbing around behind us.\u00a0 I think she\u2019s still trying to catch up to us but it\u2019s not going to happen, it\u2019s too late.\u00a0 She\u2019s too low energy.\u00a0 Forget her.<\/p>\n

No, I\u2019m talking about the space aliens.\u00a0 Have you seen these things?\u00a0 Sure, they\u2019re not as uncoordinated as Hillary but even she doesn\u2019t smell as bad as these things.\u00a0 I mean really, it\u2019s awful.\u00a0 So even if we didn\u2019t have a beef with these guys wanting to steal our planet we still would want to get rid of them because of that smell.\u00a0 And wouldn\u2019t you know? What are they?\u00a0 That\u2019s right, illegal aliens.\u00a0 They\u2019re breaking our laws by being here.\u00a0 And the aliens aren\u2019t sending us their best probably.\u00a0 They\u2019re probably criminals without valuable skills.\u00a0 I mean sure they know about interstellar travel but who needs that?\u00a0 What\u2019s there?\u00a0 Probably just more smelly aliens and bad food and food poisoning like Montezuma\u2019s Revenge.\u00a0 And what do they want?\u00a0 They want our jobs and to live off of welfare.\u00a0 Also, they want to blow up all our cities.\u00a0 Now a lot of those cities didn\u2019t vote for me.\u00a0 In fact, if there were no more large cities I\u2019d win every election and we\u2019d have enormous majorities in both House and Senate and I\u2019d be able to make all kinds of good changes and we\u2019d get amendments to the Constitution that would be fantastic.\u00a0 But there wouldn\u2019t be anymore Trump Tower or the Mets or Yankees so there is that.\u00a0 Well anyway they want to blow up the cities and they want to take all our minerals and water.\u00a0 So, we\u2019re gonna have to whack all of them.<\/p>\n

Now you may say how is Trump gonna do that?\u00a0 How can he destroy star ships with force fields and giant lasers and antigravity?\u00a0 Well I can.\u00a0 I\u2019ve got Elon Musk and he\u2019s got tantalum which is a real thing and he\u2019s figured out what will destroy these alien losers.\u00a0 Now Musk is not my favorite nerd because he\u2019s all about global warming and electric cars and other stupid things that don\u2019t work.\u00a0 But that\u2019s because he was getting paid off by Obama who also isn\u2019t my favorite but who I\u2019ve sent to talk to the smelly aliens.\u00a0 Anyway, I got Thiel who is my favorite geek to talk to Musk and I told him I\u2019d let him wet his beak with whatever we get from the alien ships.\u00a0 So, he got his nerd factory cranking on Ritalin and they came up with this tantalum thing which is a real thing and not a hoax. But if it is a hoax I\u2019ll tie him to a missile and use his big fat head to knock a hole in the alien ship.\u00a0 But that won\u2019t be necessary because he knows where his bread is buttered.\u00a0 So, the plan is in place and now all of you servicemen are going to get to work.\u00a0 And maybe even some of you servicewomen if you actually know what you\u2019re doing which I doubt.\u00a0 But just stay out of the guys\u2019 way and maybe make some sandwiches or something and some good strong coffee which always helps in cases like this.\u00a0 I like pastrami if it\u2019s lean and you have good brown mustard.\u00a0 But I don\u2019t suppose there\u2019s good deli on this floating airport.\u00a0 Well anyway, the important thing is we\u2019ve got a big job to do and we\u2019d better get to it.\u00a0 But remember when you\u2019re working with the missiles and the jets and the boat engines that you\u2019re part of something great.\u00a0 Because you\u2019re working for me.\u00a0 That\u2019s right.\u00a0 Even though you work for a sergeant or a general or an admiral, remember they work for me.\u00a0 I\u2019m the Commander-in-Chief of all of you.\u00a0 I sign your check and I make sure you have the bombs you need and the food you eat.\u00a0 Hillary wouldn\u2019t have given you bombs and food.\u00a0 She didn\u2019t like the military because she doesn\u2019t like men.\u00a0 It\u2019s like Rosie O\u2019Donnell only Bill\u2019s Hillary\u2019s beard.\u00a0 And you don\u2019t work for the Congress.\u00a0 They can\u2019t even get out of their own way to get the budget done every year.\u00a0 I mean, Little Marco, Captured McCain, Fauxcahantas, Cryin\u2019 Chuck and Lyin\u2019 Ted?\u00a0 Give me a break.\u00a0 And how about JEB!\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t even deal with human aliens.\u00a0 He\u2019d probably marry one of these things just to show how fair he is.\u00a0 And forget about the rest of the world.\u00a0 Right now, the Europeans and the Russians and Chinese and the rest of those foreigners are getting their clocks cleaned by these goons.\u00a0 I\u2019m going to take care of this problem for the whole world.\u00a0 But they won\u2019t even reimburse me for the costs.\u00a0 I mean, I bet this tantalum stuff ain\u2019t cheap and I know Musk is gonna charge top dollar.\u00a0 But you have to pay for good help so I\u2019ll fork it over.\u00a0 It\u2019s a good deal.\u00a0 So anyway, remember this is about making America great and also keeping it from being blown up.\u00a0 But don\u2019t think there will be any United Nations rodeo clowns in blue helmets helping us out.\u00a0 There won\u2019t be and I wouldn\u2019t want them if they offered.\u00a0 Americans get the job done on their own.\u00a0 Period.\u00a0 So, remember that and do a good job and you\u2019ll be able to say you helped Trump win this war.<\/p>\n

And one last thing, any hope that a cease fire would occur is gone.\u00a0 A message from the ship announced that Gore and Obama, after reviewing the aliens environmental record, decided to throw in with the aliens.\u00a0 Well both of those guys smelled funny to begin with so that\u2019s probably for the best<\/p>\n

So remember, this is a fight to the death so don\u2019t hesitate.\u00a0 Give it everything you\u2019ve got.\u00a0 And I promise when we win, each and every one of you, even you ladies, will receive a very nice gift package including Trump steaks, Trump knives and a very nice picture of me with a beautiful facsimile signature that is just as good as though I actually signed it.\u00a0 Trump out.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Trump vs Independence Day Redux \u2013 Part 2   Scene 1: Thursday, 1145 hours USS Ronald Reagan flight deck,\u00a0 On a raised platform is President<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,288,4,6],"tags":[168,167,44,265,16,391,373],"class_list":["post-2028","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-current-events","category-humor","category-sff","category-trump","tag-humor","tag-independence-day","tag-sci-fi","tag-science-fiction","tag-trump","tag-trump-humor","tag-trump-vs"],"yoast_head":"\nTrump vs Independence Day Redux \u2013 Part 3 - Orion's Cold Fire<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2018\/01\/05\/trump-vs-independence-day-redux-part-3\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Trump vs Independence Day Redux \u2013 Part 3 - 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