{"id":2097,"date":"2018-01-27T16:42:29","date_gmt":"2018-01-27T21:42:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/?p=2097"},"modified":"2018-01-28T14:47:07","modified_gmt":"2018-01-28T19:47:07","slug":"trump-vs-the-state-of-the-union-part-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2018\/01\/27\/trump-vs-the-state-of-the-union-part-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Trump vs. The State of the Union \u2013 Part 2"},"content":{"rendered":"

Trump vs. The State of the Union \u2013 Part 1<\/a>\u00a0 Note: this is a link to the first installment of this story.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Dramatis Personae:<\/p>\n

President Trump (PT)<\/p>\n

Sargeant at Arms (SAA)<\/p>\n

Speaker of the House Paul Ryan (PR)<\/p>\n

Toffee Bredwell \u2013 An upper class British journalist from the BBC (TB)<\/p>\n

Newt Gingrich (NG)<\/p>\n

Melania Trump (MT)<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Scene 1: US Capitol Building, 8:45 pm, directly before the State of the Union Address<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

TB \u2013 Good evening everyone and welcome to the BBC coverage of the American Presidential State of the Union Address.\u00a0 I\u2019m your reporter Toffee Bredwell and with me here is former Speaker of the American House of Representatives, the Honorable Newton Gingrich.\u00a0 Welcome Mr. Speaker or may I call you Newt?<\/p>\n

NG \u2013 Certainly Toffee, all my friends call me Newt.<\/p>\n

TB \u2013 Thanks.\u00a0 Now as a former Speaker of the House you are intimately familiar with the protocol, let\u2019s call it the nuts and bolts of this event.\u00a0 Can you share a little insight with our listeners about how this evening will progress?<\/p>\n

NG \u2013 Well, normally the members of the administration and the Supreme Court will be announced by the Deputy Sergeant at Arms and when The President arrives at the Chamber door the Sergeant at Arms announces him to the Speaker.\u00a0 This is followed by a long walk filled with cheers and handshaking and embraces and when the President reaches the Rostrum the Speaker announces him to the Congress and after another lengthy round of applause the President begins his address.\u00a0 And during the address depending on the particular subject and the party of each of the attendees there could be applause, stony silence or recently even some booing.\u00a0 In fact, during one of then President Obama\u2019s addresses, a Congressman shouted out \u201cYou lie!\u201d<\/p>\n

TB \u2013 Oh dear, how embarrassing.\u00a0 Do you expect we\u2019ll experience any such breaches of civility tonight?<\/p>\n

NG \u2013 Well Toffee, unless I miss my guess, I think we might see something a little more exciting tonight.\u00a0 Let\u2019s just hope there won\u2019t be any fisticuffs.<\/p>\n

TB \u2013 Quite.\u00a0 So, I can see that the Sergeant at Arms is positioning himself so let\u2019s shift over to the floor microphone.<\/p>\n

SAA \u2013 Mister Speaker, the President of the United States!<\/p>\n

TB \u2013 Well Mr. Speaker, you weren\u2019t exaggerating.\u00a0 What a terrific up swelling of applause and ovation for this President.\u00a0 These congresspersons certainly love this President.<\/p>\n

NG \u2013 Oh, far from it, Toffee.\u00a0 Most of these people despise Donald Trump but he\u2019s just initiated a gigantic uptick in economic growth.\u00a0 Something that hasn\u2019t been seen since Ronald Reagan.\u00a0 As long as he\u2019s the stronger horse they\u2019ll applaud.\u00a0 If things turn sour the knives will quickly come out.<\/p>\n

TB \u2013 Ah, it\u2019s good to see politics are the same everywhere.\u00a0 Well, it looks like Speaker Ryan is about to introduce the President to Congress.\u00a0 Let\u2019s go to the Rostrum microphone and we\u2019ll return after the address to review the high points.<\/p>\n

PR \u2013 Members of Congress, I have the high privilege and distinct honor of presenting to you the President of the United States.<\/p>\n

(Long and loud applause.)<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 Thank you Mr. Speaker.\u00a0 Thank you, Paul.\u00a0 It feels strange to be thanking you Paul.\u00a0 Up until the tax overhaul bill I was ready to write you off as a total loss.\u00a0 I was going to have you primaried by some kind of radical and who knows maybe you wouldn\u2019t have made it.\u00a0 But now I\u2019m almost fond of you.\u00a0 You\u2019re still a spineless weasel but you\u2019re my spineless weasel, so you\u2019ve got that going for you which is nice.\u00a0 And Mitch McConnell, what can I say?\u00a0 You\u2019re like some kind of petrified fossil that exists outside of the world we live in.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t seem possible that anything as weird as you could still exist but you do.\u00a0 If we could replace you with an animatronic character like a talking walrus or porcupine I believe it would increase our popularity with the voters but anyway I can\u2019t be too mad at you either because of the tax bill.<\/p>\n

Now, you Democrats are a different story.\u00a0 You all are without a doubt the lowest form of pond scum to ever successfully masquerade as human beings.\u00a0 Every time I think you\u2019ve hit the ethical bottom you somehow dig a little deeper and go even lower.\u00a0 Let\u2019s take for instance Dick Durbin.\u00a0 His lying double-crossing behavior at the DACA meeting has convinced me that if I saw Dick Durbin and a Great White Shark in the waters off of Mar a Lago I\u2019d immediately warn \u2026 the shark!\u00a0 And don\u2019t get me started on Pelosi and Schumer.\u00a0 The way people are leaving California and New York, pretty soon their own votes will be sufficient to guarantee their re-elections.\u00a0 That\u2019s right Cryin\u2019 Chuck, the Statue of Liberty is crying over your lousy party\u2019s inept governing of both the City and State of New York.<\/p>\n

But it\u2019s not all bad, I want to congratulate Al Franken for striking out for women\u2019s rights.\u00a0 He harassed enough women to ensure that a woman would replace him.\u00a0 Quite a tribute.\u00a0 And I\u2019d also like to congratulate Maxine Waters for being so crazy that she now makes Rosie O\u2019Donnell seem sane in comparison.\u00a0 When Maxine said she wasn\u2019t a Millennial but used to be I think she meant that she was born in 1000 AD.\u00a0 That would explain her looks and the fact that she mostly speaks gibberish.\u00a0 Back then English really hadn\u2019t been invented yet so everyone sounded like she does.\u00a0 And I know I shouldn\u2019t make fun of a woman\u2019s looks but honestly Maxine is so ugly she makes Pelosi and Hillary look decent by comparison.<\/p>\n

And I\u2019d like to thank the press for being so dishonest.\u00a0 By lying at every turn you\u2019ve made my job so much easier.\u00a0 At this point I can almost guarantee that anything I say will be disputed by you folks in such ridiculous terms that even the least intelligent person will be able to tell you\u2019re lying.\u00a0 You\u2019ve become an exaggerated parody of yourselves.\u00a0 Well done and congratulations for ensuring the long tem demise of your own jobs.<\/p>\n

And I\u2019d like to thank all those federal judges both at the Circuit and Supreme Court level who keep usurping the constitutional power of elected officials.\u00a0 You only make it easier for me to get the electorate to understand why I need to replace as many of you as I possibly can.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m going to take a short break while the Secret Service frog marches the Secret Society of Comey, McCabe, Strozk and Mueller down the center aisle on their way to the hoosegow but before I do I\u2019d just like to give a shout out to one of our guests in the gallery.\u00a0 I\u2019d like to\u00a0 welcome Miss Stormy Daniels coming and for confirming that I have not had sex with her. \u00a0But if I had she knows it would be the best sex she\u2019s ever had and that my hands are ample and highly capable.<\/p>\n

MT \u2013 Kurba!<\/p>\n

PT \u2013 And Melania welcomes you too.\u00a0 Trump out.<\/p>\n

(Returning to the BBC broadcast location)<\/p>\n

NG \u2013 Hello and welcome back BBC listeners.\u00a0 This is former Speaker Newt Gingrich again.\u00a0 Unfortunately, Toffie Bredwell has passed out.\u00a0 Apparently kurba is Slovenian for whore and that was just too much for Toffie.\u00a0 Stay tuned and I\u2019m sure he\u2019ll revive before the President continues on with the substantive portion of his speech.\u00a0 But first a word from our sponsor.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Trump vs. The State of the Union \u2013 Part 3<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

[socialpoll id=”2483661″]<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Trump vs. The State of the Union \u2013 Part 1\u00a0 Note: this is a link to the first installment of this story.   Dramatis Personae:<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,288,6],"tags":[654,26,656,184,117,652,247,655,651,39,653,16,391,373],"class_list":["post-2097","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-current-events","category-humor","category-trump","tag-al-franken","tag-american-exceptionalism","tag-chuck-schumer","tag-comey","tag-melania","tag-melania-trump","tag-mueller","tag-nancy-pelosi","tag-peter-strzok","tag-populism","tag-stormy-daniels","tag-trump","tag-trump-humor","tag-trump-vs"],"yoast_head":"\nTrump vs. The State of the Union \u2013 Part 2 - Orion's Cold Fire<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/orionscoldfire.com\/index.php\/2018\/01\/27\/trump-vs-the-state-of-the-union-part-2\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Trump vs. The State of the Union \u2013 Part 2 - 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